The arabic word for patience is Ṣabr, a word from which the name of the cactus plant, Ṣabbār, is derived. Cactus is a plant that can grow in the toughest conditions of the desert, it adapted itself to withstand the most difficult and extreme harsh environmental conditions. Cactus represents hope, hope in the face of adversity and hardship, hope coupled with determination to survive despite the circumstances, hope that defies, hope that strives to make life worth living.
Ṣabr means more than patience… within its name you get meanings of:
resourcefulness
firmness
pursuit
resolve
persistence
perseverance
fortitude
bravery
determination
toughness
decisiveness
holding on

Ṣabr is also the Arabic name for the Aloe Vera plant. Aloe Vera is the highly bitter cactus that offers amazing medicinal properties. Herbalists classify Aloe Vera as vulnerary, meaning it helps heal wounds. It is applied to burns, abrasions, and even to bites to sooth the pain and promote healing.

Bearing those meaning in mind, now, look at our Ṣabr, It is like an acknowledgement that patience in the face of pain and suffering is bitter, it is spiky and prickly, it hurts , yet in its deep core, it is soothing and healing.

Like the cactus, Ṣabr is not passive, it does not helplessly wait for conditions to change or for water to pour down from the sky. Rather, it digs its roots firmly in the ground and stubbornly reaches for those underground invisible streams; it toughens its skin and, faces the desert harshness with determination and fortitude; it saves water for the rough days and perseveres when the sustenance is scarce. Ṣabr is an active engagement in life, it honours the struggle, the grit, the pursuit, it is motivating and empowering.
The Quran teaches: “So be patient with gracious, beautiful patience” (70:5)
“فاصبر صبرا جميلا” 
A gracious, beautiful patience is brave, assertive, honourable, determined and active.
And, “God does not change the condition of a people until and unless they changes within themselves” (13: 11)
“ان الله لا يغير ما بقوم حتى يغيروا ما بأنفسهم” 

Change is tough, but, as Anais Nin says: “and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud is more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Change happens when the passive, helpless patience turns into an active determine Ṣabr, this Ṣabr is the quality of the people of excellence, people who do good - people of Iḥsān.
“ واصبر فإن الله لا يضيع أ جر المحسنين” 
“And be patient, for indeed, God does not allow the rewards of those who do good to go to waste.” (11:115)

Trying to just go through life with the illusion that only by willpower we can achieve everything is just that: An illusion… Our rational, logical self-control is like a rider on the back of an elephant. The rider seems to hold the rein and direct the elephant… But, the rider can never force the elephant into a direction it does not want to go into. The elephant is the one running the show… We have always learned that Ramadan fasting is there to strengthen our willpower… it is there to train us to be more in control of our desires… but unfortunately, we got the mechanism all wrong… if we treat our fasting as mere training of self-restriction and self-control… we will be further wearing off our self-control muscle… Ramadan Fasting is not a physical exercise that trains us to withstand our hunger… Neither is it a psychological exercise that teaches us to control our desires, temptations, and urges. Ramadan Fasting is a spiritual practice… We reduced Ramadan to numbers and rituals (and an endless supply of sugars, fats, and carbs). Our heart and soul are not into it… We drugged the elephant so that it takes a nap until we finish the holy month; We dissociated our hearts from the whole process… because our hearts are already very heavy, exhausted and weary... So how can we make the best out Ramadan? How can we tame our elephants?

​Mindfulness is an integral part in my own self-care practices. I learned its value years ago during a family dinner at a friend’s house. As we set in the garden at sunset, I smelled an amazing fragrance enveloping the air. “That’s my Queen of Night,” my friend explained pointing at the alluring tiny white flowers in the corner of her garden. Those enchanting flowers release their special aroma with every sunset. “They seem to send a gratitude message to the Divine at the end of each day”, my friend told me. “They remind me to send mine,” she added.
The following day, I accompanied my daughter to her weekly karate class. I sat in the club’s playground reading a book as I was waiting for her to finish. The sun was setting and with it came this enchanting fragrance again… I looked around me and there it was, the glamorous Queen of Night!
Suddenly, it occurred to me that I have been sitting in this exact spot, at the exact same time every week for the past 4 months. The Queen of Night has always been there, sharing its beauty with whoever was mindful enough to receive it; sharing its Divine gratitude reminder with whoever is aware enough to remember. I simply wasn’t.
Mindfulness is intentional conscious practice. It differs from self-awareness in that it involves both internal and external insight. You are not just aware of your inner feelings and thought; you are also fully aware and engaged with your surroundings. I guess I was too involved in my inner environment that I lost touch with my outer setting. 

    In 2013, when I first came to Canada I was introduced to Dana, a Libyan Canadian lady who had a project in mind. Dana wanted to gather ten Arab women and help them write their stories. She wanted to collect stories of immigration, living in a new culture, leaving the homeland, feelings of homesickness, stories of hope, loss, pain and gain, and stories of helplessness and bravery. Her aim was to publish the stories in an ‘Arab Women’s Notebook’ for the world to know more about those women’s dreams, hopes, pains, and struggles, for women around the world to see their own stories in those ten women’s narratives and reshape their own stories of hope and survival.
​
     It was a long journey, and for me, it came at exactly the right time. My chapter was entitled ‘Journey of Self-Discovery’. I wrote it during a time of my life when I was wondering who am I? Where do I belong? And where am I heading? What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? I wrote my story at a time when I had lost my grandmother, my only anchor in the world, her loss created a vacuum that seemed never to fill up. I wrote it at a time I lost my homeland, not by migrating away from it, but by it drifting away from me. I chose to leave as the land wasn't my land and the country wasn't my own. I was forever a stranger as I witnessed the collapse of the values, morals, and ethics I grew up with.
​
      The book, An Arab Women Notebook, was published in 2016. At the book-signing event, we, the authors, met many women who told us how they found their stories in ours. They told us how our stories helped them heal and empowered them to re-shape their own narrative.

​ 
Jill Bolte Taylor, in her book a stroke of insight, says all it takes is 90 seconds for the body to process the hormonal and neurotransmitter reactions associated with negative emotions such as fear, worry, frustration, or sorrow… if you turn those emotions into stories, though, they may last forever. All we need to do is simply acknowledge them until they go away – just 90 seconds. Do not turn them into stories, do not feed the anger, fuel the pain, or pump up the fear; do not hold on to them but also do not push them under the carpet hoping no one will notice – they will still be there for you to clean up later on, this time with much more damage involved.
 
The stories our fears are feeding fall into two categories: worry and grief.
Worry is when we project our fears onto the future and grief is when we drag our past stories along into our present and allow them to shape our life and ache our heart and soul.
 
In his book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, Robert M. Sapolsky says that zebras do experience life trauma. Attacked by a lion or seeing a tiger devouring their cub, they experience fear, pain, and grief but they do not attach any stories to the feelings, they fully experience the event with all what it triggers from hormones and neurotransmitters, then they flip the page and change the scene…
 
Some people have this amazing gift of ‘flipping the page’, you see them cheerful, happy, and bouncing soon after a life trauma hits them… sometimes, it is really a gift, they do live in the moment, fill their heart with peace, faith, and trust and let life flow and unfold as they go… yet, in many cases, the page flipping is just a denial mechanism or a mask they wear hiding their true unbearable pain even from their own selves… they still write the stories in their subconscious mind and shove it under a pile of fake laughter and joy. This is not a healthy way of experiencing emotions. They might get by for a while, but these stories will one day resurface from the shadow and haunt them. Their stories may start as subtle Body Whispers®, but soon, the screams will force them to wake up and really face their fears.
 
Facing our fears starts with the inner work. It starts with true belief that we live in a purposeful world, that God is wise, merciful, and just and that every event, challenge, or ordeal carries a valuable lesson and meaning that might or might not reveal itself with time. Yes, we might never understand ‘why.’ Deep in our hearts we need to believe that there is a valuable reason… when we reach this stage of faith, belief, trust, and surrender, we will finally be ready to let go of the fear.
 
It might take weeks, months, or even years.  You can’t rush it… “You can’t make a rosebud open by hitting it with a hammer” as R. N. Ramen says… Let the process unfold, be gentle with yourself, be compassionate towards your vulnerability… just keep doing the inner work one baby step at a time: Breathing, praying, meditating, reading, learning, getting therapy, hiring a life coach… whatever it takes, just keep it up and running.

​Years ago, I read a play called The Fate of a Cockroach by a famous Egyptian writer, Al Hakim. It is the story of a wife who woke up one morning to find a cockroach in her bathtub. The woman panicked and screamed waking up her husband who volunteered to kill the beast. The wife closed the bathroom door and waited outside for her husband to come out victorious. She waited and waited...
 
Starting to worry, she cautiously opened the bathroom door and peeked inside to see her husband sitting in front of the bathtub looking at the little beast in admiration.

• “What the heck are you doing?” Asked the wife in astonishment.
• “Shhh!” replied the man,  “Come and look at this amazing creature. What a tremendous perseverance and patience it has!”

The wife came closer, still very cautiously. She saw the cockroach as it was trying to escape by climbing the slippery walls of the tub and sliding off again and again before even reaching half way out. Still, it kept trying … tens and even hundreds of times non-stop.
The wife, failing to see any meaning in what this ‘stupid’ insect is doing screamed at her husband: “Are you crazy? What are you waiting for? Just kill it!!!”
 
The husband totally ignored her and kept looking at the cockroach in admiration.
Desperate, the wife reached out to her neighbors for help. The couple came quickly and the man head straight to the bathroom to help get rid of the cockroach.
 
Again, time went by with no news. The two women went into the bathroom; they saw their husbands leaning on the bathtub with their eyes wide-open and big smiles on their faces. They were happily following the little insect’s trips up and down the tub wall with tremendous admiration for its perseverance, determination, and forbearance.
Soon, a fight started between the two couples. The men on one side tried to explain the reason for their amazement and the women on the other just asked for the death sentence of this horrible beast. The argument suddenly came to an end when they smelled a strange odor. Running into the bathroom, they saw the maid standing victoriously with an insecticide bottle in her hand and the cockroach lying on its back in defeat.
 
I loved the way each character in the story dealt with the ordeal. They symbolized the three different way of approaching a problem. One person can take some time to admire the meanings and learn useful lessons (the two men in the play); another can just deal with the problem any way he/she can and get it over and done with while failing to perceive any hidden wisdom (the maid in the play). And still, a third can just panic and run around asking for help taking no action and blaming others for his/her failure (the wives in the play).
Setting aside the sexist orientation of the writer, I love the wisdom in his story: Don’t kill the beast… it is here to teach you something!
​
One of my favourite books about anxiety and mental illness is Sarah Wilson’s First We Make The Beast Beautiful. Sarah wrote about her life long struggle with anxiety and OCD and how she finally managed to get her life on track by admiring the uniqueness of her own mind and digging into the wisdom of her challenge. Instead of fighting and drugging ‘the beast’, she shifted her efforts into ‘making the beast beautiful’… It is not easy… In fact it is much easier to drug the life out of our beasts… but it is much more rewarding to learn and grow with them.
 
We all have challenges, pains and struggles… we all have ‘beasts’ that keep us awake at night and bring tears to our eyes… they are here for a reason… they are here to teach us something, to help us grow… Don’t kill the beast… you’ll find a way to make it beautiful… 

​What is missing in your life? Why are you unhappy, stressed or tired? Which areas of your life need your attention?
 
I saw women staying years on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication trying to cope with their stressful reality, life demands, and loneliness…
 
I saw women going ballistic every ‘time’ of the month and others suffering form hot flashes and menopausal symptoms just trying to survive because they had no idea what their body was trying to tell them… they did not know what those Body Whispers® meant and how to heal them...

This is why I developed the Body Whispers® system after years of studying, teaching and working with my clients. The purpose of The Body Whispers® System is to help you quickly identify which areas in your life need your attention so that you can experience getting your life back on track.

• Backache, fatigue and depression start when you have issues with safety, security and belonging.
• Bones, joints & knee pain are related to feeling out of place, or stuck… feeling that you don't belong here. Traditional systems say that the knees store your fears… and pain in the hip, legs and feet indicates your reluctance to move forward in life.
• Kidneys & bladder malfunctions are your body’s way of telling you that you’re 'pissed off', you need to let go… let go of fears, worries and frustrations
• Sex organs & female hormonal imbalance - things like PMS, hot flashes, uterine fibroids, PCOS, and ovarian cysts – are trying to tell you that you are missing joy, excitement & creativity in your life.
• Colon problems like IBS, Crohn’s, colitis, hemorrhoids, bloating, or chronic constipation are signs that you are holding on to the past, and you are unable or unwilling to let go of what no longer serve you.
• Liver & gall bladder issues are related to Anger & toxic emotions.
• Pancreas problems are related to power struggle especially in cases of pancreatic inflammation or cancer. And, if you lack sweetness in life, pancreatic problems could surface in form of lower secretions like diabetes and poor digestive flow.
• Stomach issues are about losing strength, feeling victim & helpless or unable to ‘digest’ your current situation and reality.
• Lungs and respiratory issues are related to grief and the need to make room to breathe & take life in again.
• Heart problems like arrhythmia and palpitation show issues with self-love, care & forgiveness.
• Blood & circulation problems are telling you that life is not flowing smoothly and that you need more joy, smoothness, and harmony.
• Breast cancer in women is always related to self-care & self-nurture issues… women who have been giving, giving and giving so much and neglect their own needs for care and love.
• Throat & thyroid whispers want to tell you that you need to be heard; you need to reclaim your authentic voice. This area is also related to issues with surrender and learning to align our will to the Divine will without compromising or giving up on your dream nor ignoring your authentic voice.
• Nerves and Nervous system complaints show you that you need to stop and reflect on the lessons, the meanings and the wisdom behind what is happening in your life.
• Head & brain issues like headaches, migraine, memory problems indicate resistance to life flow, over-thinking, and inflexibility in your approach to life stresses and challenges.

 
 
Now, it is your turn to take some time and reflect on each area… Listen to you Body Whispers® before they turn into screams!

1. Remain curious
 
One of my main ‘secrets’ of generating joy and happiness in life is remaining curious… When you look at life as an open field of surprises and adopt an attitude of excitement about whatever life throws at you, this opens a whole range of possibilities. Curiosity is proven to calm down the fight and flight response in the amygdala and helping in coping with daily life stresses. It also helps you look outside the box and increase dopamine and serotonin release in your brain which lifts your mood and makes you more passionately engaged and motivated.

Last October, I held a 7-day happiness challenge in our Body Whispers Facebook group. I believe there is no better time to re-take the challenge than now. 24th of July is the international self-care day. So, we better be ready!
 
For the next 7 days you will focus on generating joy and happiness into your life. Yes, you are the one responsible for generating your own happiness. Happiness is your own decision!
 
By focusing on 1 thing that makes you happy every day this lifts up your mood for the whole day...
 
Here we go:

We will start easy and slow. Today we'll establish the fact that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE! Yes, it is our choice to be happy regardless the pains, challenges or stresses we are facing. Happiness is there; if we focus we will find it. Today, you are going to take at least 10 minutes (30 or 60 min will be better - but 10 is the least you can do for yourself!) Take 10 minutes to savour your best tea or coffee. Use your favourite mug or china and take the time to savour every sip. Take in life, joy, and happiness. Take the decision to be happy... You deserve it!

If you have been following me for some time, you probably know how I insist on journaling... Many women hate me for this but they love me after they see the effect on their lives... I am not asking you to journal today... but today challenge is writing down your BIG DREAM in your journal.
Happiness studies on Harvard students showed that the difference between happy and unhappy students was that happy students had a big dream or a big vision that they look forward to and they take steady baby steps towards it.
Today your mission -if you choose to accept it- is to take few minutes to dream big... if money, time or space were no objections; if anything was possible, what would you like to BE, DO and HAVE in your life? What is your big audacious dream?
Don't be afraid to DREAM BIG... don't censor yourself and don't allow this tiny little annoying voice in your head to stop you... I don't care if your dream is to build the first hooka lounge on the moon or travel the world in 80 seconds... Write it down! And share with us on this post... Who knows may be you will find someone who will help you take the first step! 
Writing down your dream and announcing it to the world give the message to your subconscious mind that you are serious, so you will start noticing opportunities, chances, ideas that you didn't see before... it will seem like magic but it is not magic, it is science... "You'll see it when you believe it!"

If you read any of my previous books or attended any of my workshops, you would surely be familiar with 'Apples'. It all started when I gave birth to my first child. Back then, I was working as a teaching assistant in the faculty of pharmacy. I loved my job with all its time-consuming efforts. But, with a newborn baby, I could no longer resume my work. I took maternity leave and spent my days and nights taking care of my child and my house. Janna, my daughter, was born two years later, and my leave extended. I loved my kids, enjoyed a happy marriage and a caring loving husband. Still, I was very stressed, anxious and unhappy. I cried almost every day without knowing why. One day, I read a book that changed my life: Nurturing Yourself and Others. In her book, the author explained how she was suffering from the same symptoms when, like me, she had every reason to be happy. Her counsellor put it for her in a simple, yet beautiful way: “Think of yourself as an apple barrel” he advised. The apple barrel is only useful if it actually holds some apples. If we keep giving our apples to our kids, spouse, family, colleagues, and friends, we will soon run out of apples and feel worthless. To restore our function in life we have to replenish our supply of apples. 
And this became my first advice to any of my friends, family, students and clients… Find your source of apples! 
Apples are things that make you genuinely happy, fulfilled, thrilled, and/or replenished. It might be reading a book, playing with your kid, walking barefoot on green grass, collecting shells from a sandy beach, spending some time with a friend, drawing, painting, cooking, quilting, fishing, running, writing poetry, fixing the car, playing video games, meditating... Think, and make your own list. Pick one apple from the list and have it TODAY! 

​I know the word exercise makes many people cringe! I am not asking you here to 'officially' exercise - unless this makes you happy of course... I am just challenging you to move your body...
Movement doesn’t have to be a boring task or a burden. We can make it enjoyable. Find motivation. Find a buddy, put on some music, be creative, make it fun! It is now scientifically proven that movement raise your endorphin levels, boost your mood, calm down the nerves and reduce stress levels.
Try some stretching, yoga postures, Zumba, Pilates, walk your dog or your cat, play with your toddler, or just sway to your favorite tune...

Deep at heart, lovely lady who are reading this post and following this happiness challenge, you are brave, you are confident, you are the one who holds your house, your family, your kids, your community together…
But, you’re also a beautiful fragile soul that has been running on dry for so long and now feels stuck, depleted, and exhausted.
You’re a kind, caring, loving heart that nurtured everyone around it and now endures the silent pain of emptiness, loneliness and boredom…
 
It’s time to care for yourself the way you cared for everyone and everything else... Today, you are going to perform a "Random Act of Love... Towards Yourself"

This could be an 'apple', another tea, a walk in the park, an appreciation letter... or even just look yourself into the eyes in the mirror and say "I love you the way you are... You're not perfect, no body is... but you are enough... you're beautiful enough... smart enough... brave enough..."

Time to DETOX! But not your body... your heart & soul.

Toxic emotions are more damaging than toxic food!
Sometimes we can't remove 'toxic people' from our lives, but we can refuse to allow their poisons to reach our heart and dim our soul...

What toxic emotions are you allowing into your heart? What toxic emotions are causing your happiness to wither?

Do you need to forgive someone -even yourself?
Do you need to release some anger, rage or frustration?
Do you need to finally let go of those pains and rancour?
Are there any jealousy... fear... doubts... shame or blame lurking in the dark shadow of your life?

Time to release them all... time to detox...

The first step in detoxing your emotions is acknowledging them... Emotions are not good or bad in themselves, they are just signposts that show us what need to change in our life... Again... we need to LISTEN!

So, What's the most toxic emotion you pledge to let go of TODAY?

What's a better way to wrap up our happiness challenge than to make another person happy... 
Today take the time to 'Pay it forward'... Pass the happiness to someone who deserves it, or even to someone who simply needs it... I love the film 'Pay it forward by Kevin Spacey & Helen Hunt... if you didn't see it, it's a good watch... I wrote about it in my blog some times ago Here. 

Drawing a smile on another person's face makes our heart sing! It genuinely makes us happy... 
Ask yourself: Who can use a boost of happiness today? Who would love a thank you note or a gratitude call? Who would appreciate a hot tea or an un-expected gift?

Think and be creative... 
Let us all know how it worked for you, let's lift our spirit up!
 

There is a Chinese Proverb saying: “When sleeping women wake… Mountains move”
I am on a mission to wake up those sleeping beauties… It is time for women to reclaim their health, their happiness, their success in life and when they do, they will change the world…
 
We all have stories that haunt us, we all carry baggage that aches our back, yet we all have the power to choose how to write the next chapters in our stories… we all have the choice of which bag we will continue carrying and which ones we’ll have to drop… we all have the choice of whether we remain sleeping or wake up and make some real changes… Changes in our lives, in the lives of our loved ones… changes in the whole world.