“Body & Soul are joined to form one whole
But no one is allowed to see the soul
It’s fire not just hot air, the reed-flute’s cry,
If you don’t have this fire, then you should die!" (M I: 8-9)

"The reed consoles those forced to be apart
Its notes will lift the veil upon your heart.” (M I: 11)


ليس بين الروح والجسد حجب
غير أن الروح عنا تحتجب
إن صوت الناي نار لا هواء
كل من لم يصلها فهو هباء

آنست هجراتنا أصواته
مزقت استارنا نغماته


How to find this fire, this passion? How to be consumed, like the reed, by the Divine warmth? How to keep this soul connected all the time to its Creator?
Life has absolutely no meaning without this burning fire inside the heart.
I long to lift the veil, but, maybe I was looking for answers in the wrong places. The veil cannot be lifted though rational thinking and brain/mind cognitive powers. It is lifted though the magical power of Divine love. How do I open my heart to receive it? How do I stay in His presence all the time? Or, at least stay aware of His presence all the time?

The soul seems to know its way, yet it just can’t hear the song of the reed among all the distractions of the outside world. I remember reading “I recognize the drinking place, but I’m not able to drink. Heart-thirsty, I weep in hope of a drop. The fountain cannot quench me – I’m seeking the ocean. I passed by a thousand springs and rivers in hopes of finding the ocean.”​

Reduce the noise. Simplify the clutter. Embrace silence among the chaos, seclusion among the crowd. You’ll hear it. Give it time and keep your intention sincere. You’ll hear it. When it is the only song you crave, the only sound you seek, the only voice you need… only then, you’ll hear it… Trust!

Ramadan is approaching fast… One week to go.
In our daily life, our hearts grow unavoidably heavy, exhausted, and weary. Our fast-paced life, our endless mental chatter, our daily chores and tasks urge us to run and rush all day long. Even when we rest our bodies at the end of the day, we rarely give our minds a break. Our mind keeps running while watching the news, surfing the net, scanning social media, or following the latest soap opera. Once a year, Ramadan comes to help us reach inner peace in our hearts and souls. Ramadan is the perfect opportunity for soul regeneration, for renewing our intention and reconsidering our life mission and meaning. It is time when we are reminded to live in the moment, truly embrace our sacred connection with God, and let it touch our hearts and revive our souls. Once a year comes the time to recharge our spiritual energy, purify our hearts, and clear our minds along with ridding our bodies from toxic burdens. It is time for refueling and recharging for a whole year to come. But How?
 
Jonathan Haidt in his book The Happiness Hypothesis compared our subconscious mental reality to an elephant that has its own will. And, our analytical, logical conscious mind is the rider on the back of the elephant. The rider seems to hold the rein and direct the elephant right and left… But, don’t be fooled, the rider can never force the elephant into a direction it does not want to go. The elephant is the one running the show… If the rider wants to stay in control, he better tames the elephant… And the best way of doing that is by LISTENING to what the elephant needs.
On one hand, the elephant is wired for self-protection, he only sees what is directly in front of him. He feels immediate pains, seeks immediate pleasures, and is motivated by pure survival instincts (well, food and sex mainly!) … In other words, our elephant has the control button for dopamine release- our feeling good and motivation neurotransmitter. The rider, on the other hand, is a visionary. He can delay gratification for future upcoming success. Yet, he possesses limited strength. Long struggles against willpower exhaust him so his hands get loose on the reins and he lets the elephant roam freely.
 
In our everyday life, we exhaust our ‘rider’ by too many choices, decisions, and useless struggles… We end up stressed and drained because we wear ourselves out with 100s of little daily choices and temptations… from resisting this doughnut with our morning coffee to controlling our temper with daily traffic, to choosing the outfit that makes us look thin or sexy, to managing our cool with the new boss or new employee or teenage boy or toddler…. We face 100s of tiny choices, temptations, and self-control decisions that wear us out. Trying to just go through life with the illusion that only by willpower we can achieve everything is just that: An illusion.
We keep beating ourselves up because we are lazy, we are weak or we didn’t try hard enough. Cut yourself some slack… regardless of how hard you try or how strong you are you can never pull the elephant if he does not want to come along with you.
As we are talking about Ramadan, We have always learned that Ramadan fasting is there to strengthen this self-control muscle… it is there to train us to be more in control of our desires… but unfortunately, we got the mechanism all wrong… if we treat our fasting as a mere training of self-restriction and self-control… we will be further wearing off our self-control muscle… this is why we see fasting people in this holy month more irritable, stressed, angry, and doing all sort of wrong stuff that fasting should actually solve not cause.
 
For Muslims, Ramadan fasting is not a mere physical exercise that trains us to withstand hunger.
Neither is it a mere psychological exercise that trains us to control our desires, temptations and urges.
Rather, Ramadan fasting is first and foremost a spiritual practice. “O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may attain piety (God-consciousness).” (Quran, 2: 183)
 
Training our self-control muscles does not mean pulling harder on the rein and fighting the elephant. On the contrary, it means making peace with this elephant and motivating him to walk the path we want to walk.
We can only do that if we slow down, silence the chatter, purify our hearts, and LISTEN.
We can only do that if we reach inner peace within our hearts and souls.
This peace is achieved by slowing down and silencing the mind chatter… reaching this inner stillness in an increasingly noisy world. The silence we cultivate should strengthen our connection with God, with ourselves, with our family, with the whole society, and with our life meaning and purpose.
 
So, as we are approaching the holy month, I invite you to slow down… relax… take a deep breath… roll back your shoulders… and LISTEN! Deep inside, your heart knows its path… it knows its mission, it knows its direction and its ultimate purpose… You just need to LISTEN… The silence you cultivate will strengthen your connection with your purpose, will refine your intention, and add to your sincerity.
And, of course, we cannot ignore that “elephant in the room! The pandemic… For the second time, Ramadan is coming during these challenging times. As we won’t be able to congregate in the mosques; and extended families and friends won’t be allowed to gather over dinner tables, this Ramadan offers yet another special opportunity for deeper reflection, deeper connection with God, and deeper restoration of the soul focusing on Divine love and service.
​

​This past year has been hard on all of us. As much as I’ve seen it bringing the best out of many of us; I’ve also seen it bringing the worst out of many. I’ve witnessed the severing of relationships, breaking of family bonds, increased violence, mental illnesses, cruelty, disagreements, and heartbreaks… I’ve seen kinds of suffering I’ve never witnessed before – not the expected kind of grief over the sick and dying, but a totally different breed of suffering – suffering of aching souls, of loneliness, of greed, of selfishness, of arrogance and ignorance. 

At some point, I was on the brink of despair. When you are surrounded by so many stories of darkness, your light gradually dims and fades.
But, then there was Margaret Wheatley’s book, “Who Do We Choose To Be?” I’ve read it three times during this pandemic. I needed to. It was my spark of light in the midst of the darkness. And, don’t get me wrong. It is not that fluffy, happy-go-lucky kind of pseudo-spirituality. It is real. So real to the point of depression some times. It acknowledges that, yes, this is where we are as humans at this point of our history. Yes, we degraded and disintegrated and sank so low; and yes, there isn’t much anyone can single-handedly do against the power and money of the mainstream propaganda and the stampede of the masses. But, still we have a choice! And, it’s time for us to stop, reflect, and make this choice.

​Who Do We Choose To Be? Invites us to “use our influence and power to create islands of sanity in the midst of a raging destructive sea.” Wheatley calls us, “give your mind and heart time to dwell in the difficulties that lie ahead, and the frequent opportunities we will have to serve the human spirit.” She acknowledges that “we can’t change the world, but we can change ourselves so that we can be of service to this world.” As “spiritual warriors”, Wheatley states, “we offer ourselves not as activists to change the world, but as compassionate presences and trustworthy companions to those suffering in this world.”
 
Knowing ourselves is the best gift we can offer the world right now… When we truly know ourselves, we know God… We become humble before His Magnificent Wisdom and His Divine Order even if we fail to understand this Divine Order at times. Love and Service are the summery of our role on earth, my Sheikh taught me. And, there has never been a time in history that humanity was in more need of Love and Service as it needs them today.
 
May the New Year, 2021, help more and more of us become true “spiritual warriors” who compassionately love and serve the suffering souls.

Life is a struggle… no one can deny that… at any point in our life we face some form of challenge… be it physical, emotional or spiritual… It’s always there… it is there to teach us something… to help us grow… If we are not challenged, if we are not pushed out of our comfort zone we stagnate… life becomes boring… meaningless and aimless. And, on the other hand, if we succumb to the challenge and fall into the victimhood and helplessness mentality, we’ll fail to grasp the wisdom, we’ll fail to heed the message sent our way… we’ll fail to grow, learn, and advance… And, the lesson will keep repeating over and over again… it will resurface in our life in different shapes and forms until we get it… and, when we finally get it, it will soon be time for the next lesson, the next challenge… This is life!
 
How many times did you feel the need to press a pause button?
How many times did you feel the need to just stop and catch your breath?
How many times did you find yourself running and racing, not even knowing why are you rushing or where are you heading?
Life doesn’t always run smoothly. Sometimes you feel like it’s tough to even get out of bed in the morning.
But, hibernating or escaping does not make our troubles disappear. They do not heal our bodies, mend our broken hearts, pay our bills, restore our self-esteem, or fix our severed relationships... 
 
Life challenges are inevitable, but making the decision to stay fully alive, joyful and engaged is a choice.
 
It’s challenging to deal with life stresses, endless to-do lists… kids, house and workloads…
It is challenging to deal with this Busy Mind That Won't Switch off
It is terrible to experience your energy being drained and your vitality gradually fading...
It is torturing to drag your body out of bed every morning as you fight low motivation and random aches and pains that you don't even seem to define
And, worst of all are those negative thoughts and doubts that never cease to creep in your mind.
And, if you’ve ever heard yourself saying, “I am not good enough”, or “why bother, I will never be able to make it” … it’s ok. Join the club... I’ve been there, lived there for years and still go there from time to time.
 
This is why I know that despite all the challenges, inside your heart lay all the wisdom and strength you need to restore your life… And, in your body lays an amazing healing power that is waiting for you to unleash.
 
So, let me ask you, what is the one act of self-care and compassion that you can do today to take care of this weary body and exhausted soul?
​

Are you feeling stuck, tired, and depleted? You cared for everyone and about everything. You have put your dreams on hold for so long that you don’t even remember what they were any more. Or, you might have achieved many successes, climbed the corporate ladder, took care of the home and the kids… and feel that you should be happy… but you are not.
 
Inside you, there is something missing… the joy… the excitement of everyday life… you are feeling incomplete, un-fulfilled… maybe even depressed, bored, or lonely… You are hungry for more… more joy, more love, more peace, more energy, more impact in the world… You crave excitement… You crave passion.
 
You’ve tried in the past to fight depression, random aches and pains, brain fog, or chronic illness and fatigue but failed… You are still feeling stuck, depleted and overwhelmed… You still feel lost, unfulfilled, and are hungry for more despite all your efforts. You’ve been wondering why you just can’t manage to live joyfully, excited and inspired… Dear exhausted soul, if you’ve been concerned that you just can’t find motivation and passion that make you jump out of bed in the morning looking forward to the new day, it is not your fault.
 
I don’t want you to lose sight of your dream. … I know you have a dream … that’s why you’re here reading those words. It doesn’t matter whether it is a big or a small dream… Whether you just want to be happy or pain-free or you want to heal yourself or embark on a mission to heal the world… regardless of the size of your dream… it is important to you and I believe you can make it a living reality.
But, what matters the most, do you believe you can make your dream a living reality?
 
David Feinstein in his book The Promise of Energy Psychology, says that in order to change our life, we need first to be receptive for this change. While we logically accept and wish for those positive changes (like being happy, losing weight, healing our body, taming with our anger, calming our anxiety…) many of us hold this inner conflict that is unconsciously running the show, blocking our progress and hindering our healing.
 
Don’t underestimate this subconscious resistance. It cannot be simply overcome by will power, in fact, the harder you try, the tougher the resistance becomes… The more strictly you hold on to that diet, the more stubborn those fat cells become in holding on to your waist line… the stronger you push to hold your temper and repeat those mantras, the louder those anger bursts erupt at the most unexpected time… Your relentless efforts produce opposite results as your subconscious is trying to protect you at all cost. It is trying to hold on to some values or beliefs you acquired years back and don’t even realize they existed… “Those fats will keep men away, so I won’t be hurt by another failed love story”; “This anger keeps me safe in a hostile world”; “This drama feeds my muse”… Those are the inner stories that run in our heads all the time…To heal, you need to unravel those deeply held tales… you need to challenge them, you need to change the story you run in your head and write your own new version…

You may be a stay at home mum who feels stuck, exhausted and drained. Or, maybe you are juggling your career, home, spouse and kids while deep inside, you feel the void… you feel incomplete, un-fulfilled… even depressed or anxious at times. In both cases, your heart is whispering that something needs to change in your life or your body is screaming with symptoms and complaints that no one can give you an answer for.
You desperately want to rediscover joy… but you keep looking for it in all the wrong places… You are running all day long and don’t even know what you are running from or towards… like a hamster in a wheel… caught in an endless cycle of rushing and hurrying… a vicious cycle. Your body is sending you messages that you need to slow down but you keep masking those “Whispers” with analgesics, antidepressants, or maybe comfort foods and soap operas– Soon, and without you even noticing, anxiety kicks in.
 
In your rush, you sometimes get a glimpse of fleeting moments of joy… you look for it in a piece of cake… in a cigarette… in a funny movie… momentary pleasures that you cannot sustain… Joy became a mirage… it’s never right and never enough… you are going on a downward spiral into this dark lonely place.
 And, on top of it all, you are overwhelmed by this feeling of guilt when you dare to take time for yourself… you feel selfish, so you keep prioritizing others over your own needs.
 
At the root of it all, it is a lack of self-love… You feel that you are not enough… you’re not worthy of a better life, a better treatment… Those are lies… The reality is that you deserve better… you have an inner strength… you’re brave… you just need to believe in your self worth… in your abilities. You have to give yourself the acknowledgement and compassion you would give to a friend in need.
 
Today, I want you to pause… Breathe… and, reach for the stillness within you…
Today, I want you to give yourself permission to embark on a journey… your healing journey… Body & Soul healing…
 
So, for a start, let me ask you… What brings you the most joy these days?
 
And, what is the one thing that you can do today to prioritize yourself?
​

He made you doubt yourself, not only your worth, but also your sanity. Life became a huge struggle… you’re caught in a constant whirlwind, never-ending drama. He feeds off drama. It fills his emptiness. His unpredictability drives you crazy. One day he is the perfect lover- romantic, giving, charming. And the next, he is not even there. He disappears without prior notice. Without any known reason. He just vanishes and leaves you with a note of guilt-ridden blames and threats. He’s always the victim and you have to apologize, to beg and get down on your knees in order to prove that you deserve his presence in your life. Or, maybe he does not leave. He stays but tortures you with a silent treatment. You have to keep guessing what have you possibly done to upset him? Either way, you need to beg and plead for forgiveness… By now, you are brainwashed into believing that you cannot survive without him. You believe that you are not worthy of a better treatment. You are powerless and helpless. You’ll never be able to make it on your own. You’re a total failure. This is the message you are constantly receiving from him… Yet, before the world, he portrays you as a great, amazing, and highly accomplished woman… This portrait is essential to complete his perfect image… His image of greatness, of the perfect man, the caring and supportive husband who is always there for his wife… and who in the world would believe you if you dare to challenge this image? How can a man who speaks so highly of you be the same person who is damaging you and your kids? He is full of contradictions… contradictions that only you can see… The entire world sees his perfect face – a bit weird, maybe- but perfect. Aren’t all geniuses weird? You ungrateful woman! How dare you object or complain?
 
Soon enough, you find yourself isolated from the world. He has to make sure you are broken and lonely so that you’ll never leave him… this is how much he loves you - in his own twisted way. He cannot imagine his life without you. You have to remain his. He presents as the most confident human being, yet he’s so broken, he’s vulnerable.  He’s helpless. He cannot survive on his own. Deep in his heart he knows this fact. This is why he must keep you by his side forever. You have to remain his. He owns you and is taking you for granted. He breaks you… breaks your self-esteem, your spirit, your social life, your career, everything… so you only have him… So you remain his… So you could never leave. You are left with all those years of manipulation and emotional blackmail… all those weeks and months of silent treatment… all those times when he disappeared when you and your kids needed him the most… he just vanished and sent threatening notes telling you that he is abandoning you for good… all those times he left you and your kids with no money, no words, no support… all those instances when he showed his frightening face of anger for no apparent reason… all those times when you begged for forgiveness not even knowing what you are apologizing for… all those times when he left you broken, ill and depressed crying yourself to sleep and wishing and praying that you never wakeup again… How can you ever be the same again? He broke you, killed this beautiful innocent spirit inside you, whether intentionally or unintentionally… you don’t care any more… he made you not only doubt yourself, but also hate yourself – hate that you are not good enough and never will be… hate that you are not worthy of love… you believed those lies… The truth is that he never actually loved you… he does not really know what love is. He’s empty, a hollow shell that used you to fill his emptiness and weld the cracks of his soul… You would have lovingly done that if he hadn’t destroy you in the process… You might never be able to understand why? Why did he try to destroy the one person who loved him the most? May be your problem is that you looked at him as an idol, you put him on a pedestal, you refused to enjoy your own life until you see him fulfilled and happy… isn’t that the way you were raised as a girl in a patriarchal culture? The pious faithful wife should be the candle who burns for her husband to enjoy the light.
 
Psychologists see that the main characteristics of a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are underlying feeling of emptiness, deep emotional pain, instability of mood, self-image and relationships, and an impulsivity that is potentially damaging to himself and to those around him.[1] A person with BPD is usually very intense, oscillating between feelings of rage to depression in a very short period of time.[2] Although he seldom shows it, a person with BPD struggles with self-identity and dysfunctional emotions and usually consciously or subconsciously engages in self-harming behaviours.[3] They have poor impulse control and conceal a constant fear of abandonment. [4] They are usually impatient, unpredictable, and moody. They lack empathy and are unable to see beyond their own feelings and needs. They prefer to detach from social life and struggle with constant anxiety.
High functioning borderlines are living among us. They are “quiet”… their symptoms are hidden from the world as they somehow manage to navigate everyday life and cope with personal and professional demands.
I believe that many of the personality disorders are not strictly illnesses. These are people who have their special talents and intellectual gifts. Many borderlines are known for their math genius, creative skills, and out-of-the-box thinking. The world needs their brilliant mind. God created it this way for a reason. Yet, they need to learn to deal with the outside world and see it from other people’s perspective. They are victims of their genius brain. They don’t understand human emotions the same way most of us do. They process information differently… They lack empathy and are unable to see beyond their own needs. Their special brain function makes them confused, even terrified at times. Their erratic behaviour is a self-defence mechanism for the emptiness and alienation they feel inside. They consciously or unconsciously sabotage their relationships because they are hungry for human connections, yet so scared of abandonment.
 
But, what is a wife to do? You tried… for years and years you tried… You withstood years of emotional torture until you lost your health, your smile, your passion for life, your career, and almost lost your mind and even at times, your faith. You lost everything. For years, you sacrificed. Yet, it was never enough. The emptiness inside him is never fulfilled and will never be. You can never “fix” anyone especially if he believes that nothing is wrong with him… He is perfect, remember?
 
How do you know that it is time to leave? You are constantly wondering whether he is doing whatever he is doing intentionally or unintentionally? Is he purposefully hurting you? Is he hurting as well? And, should you even care? At some point, you stop caring… At some point, you finally decide to put yourself and your kids first… At some point, you decide to say no… you do not even try to explain… there in no point in explaining… no point in trying to justify your decision or rationalize it… In his mind, he will always be the victim. But, then, as soon as he feels that he will lose you, he will once more behave. It is a cycle that keeps repeating over and over again. Apologizing, crying, begging, offering love and sacrifices… anything to get you back…
 
The day has come. Enough is enough… You leave and this helpless loving puppy turns into a monster whose sole role is to destroy you. Yet, again, in his twisted mind, he is still the victim. You are the villain who dared to leave his warm loving nest, his golden cage. You dared to break the chains. Lies and cheating come so naturally to him… He is so confident and everyone believes him… Why wouldn’t they? He planned for this all his life. He chose you very carefully. He chose a trustworthy, honest, yet broken woman who would never betray his secret or reveal his true nature to the world. He never lost his cool in front of others. He is in total control of his temper, of his emotions- as he simply hasn’t any – he has no emotions… No feelings… No empathy. This is not an exaggeration. This is real. He “understands” emotions with his rational mind. He interprets them, analyses them and logically “gets” them, but he cannot “feel” them. He’s an empty shell, a dark black hole that slowly and skilfully sucked life out of you that you didn’t even notice that you were suffocating. Like boiling the frog… you were slowly dying but you were totally unaware… you became a walking dead… an empty shell like him… you were just living wishing for those endless days to come to an end. And, then, the time came when you finally realized that he does not deserve you. He does not deserve your love… the time came when you finally decided to walk away forever… let his empty shell forever stay empty and cracked.
 
 
“You know you have healed when you can tell your story without shedding any more tears”
And, “You know you have matured when you don't care if other people know your side of the story.”
– Anonymous quotes

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[1] W. Edward Craighead, Psychopathology, 562.
[2] Susan W. Gray, Psychopathology: A Competency-Based Assessment Model for Social Workers, 4th ed. (Boston: Cengage Learning, 2016), 502-503.
[3] Susan Gray, Psychopathology, 502-503.
[4] Ibid.

Yes, life is a big test, “Do people think that they will be left on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?” (Q. 69:2). Yet, life is not supposed to be a miserable experience (Q. 20:2). The challenges are here to teach us something, help us grow, and lead us on our Straight Path.
It is up to us to find the beauty hidden among the wracks and debris of our lives and to learn to walk even when it seems dark and gloomy. As we keep taking steps forward, we’ll start seeing the light again. I’ve been there, I’ve learned to keep walking in the dark… I’ve learned to trust and “Just keep swimming” like little Dori in Finding Nemo… Just Keep Swimming.

Despite the challenging times we are living, we are still meant to enjoy the ride with all its bumps and troughs… we are meant to find happiness amidst the rubbles… Happiness in honouring the struggle and staying curious about the endless possibilities it is bringing… Happiness is finding excitement on every corner and joy in every lesson… Happiness in learning and growing… in serving… happiness in connecting… … Join our Positivity Challenge HERE and let’s dig deeper into our lives and our hearts to find grace, joy and happiness…

We will work on, reflect on and journal about 10 positive declarations in 10 days. Let’s add positivity to our daily experience. Let’s find grace and gratitude in our daily challenges.