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Sweet "Motherland"... Let me Catch my Breath!

16/1/2023

When I was a young kid, my friends and I played our little version of hide & seek, it was called Ummah - which can be loosely translated as “Motherland.” In our version of the game, all players had to run, hide, and seek to catch one another - it was all chaotic and random, everybody is running, everybody is seeking, everybody is on high alert. Then, if you become really tired , you are allowed to go to this one designated area, the Motherland, where you can be safe for a tiny moment to catch your breath. No one is allowed to touch you there. But, you can’t stay in the Motherland more than just one minute, after which you have to re-join the crazy frantic rushing and running.

This is exactly how most of the weeks feel like - a running and catching game until the weekend, the Motherland, when we can catch a quick breath. And, before we know it, we have to re-join the grind… running, rushing, catching, and seeking.

It is this Duck again… running and rushing anxious and frantic…

Sigh.

Best Books I read in 2022

10/1/2023

This is the time of the year again when I evaluate the books I’ve read last year and pick my favourite. As you know I am a bookworm, so it was very difficult to limit my list to 12 books, but here we go… No specific order:

1. Love Executioner & Other Tales of Psychotherapy - by Irvin Yalom
This is a compilation of case studies highlighting the inner dialogue that is occurring in the therapist’s mind as he is dealing with clients - Yalom shares very openly what is going on in his mind - very valuable learning from the safe and effective use of self and the countertransference to the simple frustration and annoyance … Brilliant, very honest and really brave.

2. Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure - by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt
The book discusses how the over-protection of the young generation in modern-day society un-intentionally led to many cognitive distortions that crept their way into young people’s mind and became like a kind of Orwellian’s groupthink - I am unique, I am entitled to, I deserve, it's my right…- and how these distortions are re-enforced by the social media and internet which helped what the authors called “consensual hallucinations”. The authors explore many consequences of these distortions like increased fragility, low tolerance for others who are different from us, and many forms of anxiety, depression, and violence at times. They also offer valuable suggestions and solutions.

3. People of the Lie: Towards a Psychology of Evil - by Scott Peck
Are there some “evil people”? Why are they behaving in a destructive way? Are they aware of the harm they are inflicting on themselves and others? Is “evil” an illness? Is it a form of personality disorder like the ones described in the DSM? Scott Peck defined evil as “the use of power to Destry the spiritual growth of others for the purpose of defending and preserving the integrity of our own sick selves. In short, it is scapegoating.”
As the book suggests, as therapists and counsellors, we can’t start dealing with or “healing” evil and its victims unless or until we have the courage of naming it. Yet, naming it, in itself, is very problematic. Who has the authority to name it?
In my practice, I now meet women who call their husbands narcissists just because they refused to take out the trash or forgot her birthday or maybe got the wrong birthday gift… People are randomly throwing the narcissist and psychopath labels at their spouses, family members, parents, neighbours, and colleagues … Evil will even bear a stronger connotation if we start randomly naming it… Yet, to heal, we must name it. How can we solve this dilemma?

4. Atlas of the heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience - by Brené Brown
A must read for every therapist and even-dare I say- for everyone. Giving name to those itching feelings that rise in our heart beyond the simplification of sad, mad, glad, and afraid. There is charm in simplicity - but, when it comes to emotions, simplification keeps you on the surface. This book empowers you with the language and knowledge that allow you to dig deeper into your heart and name those feelings. It is only when we name them that we will be able to tame them.

5. The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism - by Naomi Klein
Brilliant and Shocking! And, by the way, it was published before the pandemic. Let me just quote her here: “That is how the Shock Doctrine works: an original disaster [be it natural or man-made] puts the entire population into a state of collective shock […] serve to soften up whole societies. Shocked societies often give up things they would otherwise fiercely protect.”
“This desire for god-like power of total creation is precisely why free-market ideologues are so drawn to crises and disasters. An attraction to a kind of freedom and possibility available only in times of cataclysmic change - when people, with their stubborn habits and instant demands, are blasted out of the way - moments when democracy seems a practical impossibility.”

6. The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind - by Gustave Le Bon
A classic that is highly relative to our contemporary life.The author argues that “a crowd forms when an influential idea unites a number of individuals and propels them to act towards a common goal. This influential idea however is never created by members of the crowd. Instead, they are brought into the world by minds of great individuals” - those of course are the “gurus” of our modern-day, the influencers, the politicians, the “experts”…
Le Bon sees that the crowd is psychologically organized, “the sentiments and ideas of all the persons in the gathering take one and the same direction and their conscious personality vanishes” - “ A collective mind is formed.” Feelings and thoughts are turned into one direction , no trace of individual autonomy. They “feel, think and act in manner quite different from that in which each individual of them would feel, think and act were he in a state of isolation.” The sense of responsibility vanishes, the effect is contagious, and the crowd starts to obey all suggestions of the so-called “great individual” - the crowd starts to form its “unique characteristics and has moral bearing”. Impulsivity and emotional thinking are main characteristics of the crowd.
In our modern-day, we can find those crowds forming the “echo chambers” - social media pockets where beliefs and ideologies are amplified and re-enforced by repetition; and are isolated and shielded from opposing arguments and diverse perspectives resulting in un-intended (or maybe intended) confirmation bias and polarization. Sigh.

7. Propaganda: The Formation of Men's Attitudes - by Jacques Ellul
Another classic. Published in 1962. Even before the age of the internet and social media, Ellul saw propaganda as a pervasive phenomenon that shapes our thinking and alter our worldview at the deepest most fundamental levels. “Development of sophisticated scientific techniques for manipulating minds along with the use of mass media for applying these techniques on the widest scale […] to effect changes in human personality.” He advised, “preservation of our freedom and autonomy will require recognizing its power.” - The question remains, how to remain self-aware so we do not get sucked up into this black hole - especially with the new technology, social media algorithm, increased life stresses, “Stolen Focus”, and all the demands of our modern age?

8. Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention & How to Think Deeply Again - by Johann Hari
The irony is that I got this as an audiobook because I don’t have time to sit and read the book - if you read my earlier blog about the “Duck” - here it is in action - our modern society is turning us all into what Rumi calls, Ducks of Urgency. We are running and running all the time unable to slow down and actually enjoy life. And, it is not a matter of simple will power or self-care practices. The problem, as Hari describes it, is much more systemic than we think.
A great read. It made me take my “Duck” problem much more seriously and start to implement lifestyle changes to slow down and take life in - Enjoy life instead of “speed reading” it.

9. Lost Connections - by Johann Hari
Another Johann Hari book. The author outlines 9 disconnections in our modern western society that pave the way to depression. Very well researched. I would add a 10th disconnection, though, disconnection from the Divine, from a Higher source or power.

10. Contemplation: An Islamic Psychospiritual Study - by Malik Badri
The book sheds light on an important worship practice in Islam Tafakkor - which could be roughly translated as contemplation, meditation or reflection. The author chooses “contemplation” to differentiate it from the Far Eastern practice of meditation. Tafakkor is a cognitive as well as spiritual practice. It engages the mind with its reflective ability along with the heart with its spiritual, emotional powers. It involves deep thinking with one goal in mind: developing spiritual awareness along with consciousness of and connection with God. As you are contemplating, you embark on a journey of discernment of the Divine signs in and around you.

11. The Rumi Prescription: How an Ancient Mystic Poet Changed My Modern Manic Life - by Melody Moezzi
Lovely autobiographical narrative. The author relates her journey, as an American exploring her Iranian roots and heritage, finding healing and restoring sanity with Rumi’s poetry. I love her honesty and vulnerability and love her interaction with her father/mentor with his gentle approach to conveying his traditional Rumi wisdom. The author takes us along her personal journey of interpreting and applying this wisdom to her everyday life. Many topics explored: mental illness, isolation, distraction, depression, anxiety, anger, fear, disappointment… and more.

12. The Diary of Frida Khalo: An Intimate Self-Portrait - by Carlos Fuentes
This is one of my weird-taste books - so, warning: it won’t appeal to everyone! Personally, I find it AMAZING!
This is the published unedited diary of Frida Khalo - what can be called in our modern-day, her Art Journaling. Although I feel it is an invasion of her privacy, I can’t help but marvel at it.
I use my journal pages to make sense of my world and create some order in the midst of chaos and I guess Frida’s diary was the fertile ground that sprouted her beautiful art that we all enjoy. Frida’s art is so vibrant and colourful, yet we know that she endured so much physical and emotional pain.
The diary feels like a doorway to the mind of this amazing artist, a peek into her soul- the aches and pain, the love, the hopes, the dreams - all raw and randomly scattered on the pages yet intimately interwoven. Maybe I love it because this is how my mind looks like - messy and randomly scattered, chaotic, confusing - it makes sense only to me - like this diary, although visually appealing, it would make sense only to Frida.

New Year Reflection: 2023!

20/12/2022

Another year is almost gone… and again, I don’t know how and where it went… so many things happened this year, and so many things didn’t.
As we are preparing to move into the New Year, let’s do our usual end of year reflection. It is time to sit in silence and ponder… time to dig into our soul looking for answers or making peace with not finding those answers.
Here are our 7 reflection questions…
If you are a paper and pen type of person like me, you can print the images, stick them in your journal and dedicate some time every day during the remaining days of the year to reflect and make some decisions and choices.

Wish you all a blessed, happy, healthy and joyful New Year

I'm Glad I didn't Listen

5/12/2022

I grew up in my grandmother’s home. I was this little girl sitting in the corner listening to grown up stories… women who came to my grandmother for advice, service, and support. I have always been fascinated with the women stories and their wisdom. When I’ll grow up, I announced, I want to be counselling people listening to their stories and giving them support and wisdom like my grandma did. But, “This is not a profession,” I was told!
So, stopped dreaming.

At school, I loved my creative writing class, I had loads of ideas, opinions, narratives, and views to express… But my teacher did not like my writings… “Writing is not your strength,” she advised, “ stick to science, this is what you’re good at,”
So I stopped writing.

I then shifted to another passion… drawing, painting and visual art. My father and my brother are amazing artists, you could mistaken their drawings for photographs. But my art is different. I draw human experiences and healing. I express emotions and feelings through colors, forms and shapes. So, when I declared that I wanted to be an artist, I was met with a definitive “No way! You’re not good at art!” They advised in the most friendly way…“stick to science, this is what you’re good at!”
So, I stopped drawing!

When I graduated high school, I joined pharmacy. I was always good at science. But this wasn’t actually my reason for joining. Deep inside, I wanted to learn about those magical foods and herbs I experienced in my grandmother’s kitchen. Her kitchen was consistently brimming with aromas and flavors. A big pot was always simmering preparing the most delicious lunch for any potential guest. I have been enchanted by the magic of those recipes. I wanted to be an agent in people healing like she has been. Unfortunately, the way herbs and plants are taught in pharmacy stripped them from their magic, from their soul and reduced them to mere chemical formulas and Latin names. When I tried to express my point of view, no one understood what I was talking about.
So, I stopped trying.

I graduated top of my class and was hired as a teaching assistant in pharmacy. I loved my work. I love biochemistry. I love teaching and lab experiments. But, there was always something missing, some part of me I left behind in my grandmother’s home... some part of me that I left when I abandoned the kitchen, the stories, the sketchbooks, and the journals. But, I was now too busy climbing the ladder of academia and finishing my master degree in pharmacy.
So again, I stayed part of the system.

But, thankfully, not for long!
Fast forward… Now, decades later, I am glad I did not listen to the Nay Sayers.

My journey taught me to listen to my heart, instead, and not to fear being different.

They told me supporting women through stories is not a profession… I now practice narrative therapy, offer workshops and retreats, and my books are used to facilitate women’s support group around the world.
They told me I cannot make herbs my study and the kitchen my pharmacy… I now use herbs and natural products to restore health in most complicated conditions doctors fails to cure.
They told me I can never be a writer… I published 6 books, 2 of them have been translated into more than 10 languages and read and taught by 1000s around the globe.
They told me I’m not good at art… My art has been part of juried exhibitions and my art journals published in Canadian publications. I even integrated art in my work as a healing tool for self-exploration and expression.

Recently, I’ve been told of other things I cannot do and things I’m not good at…

My self-confidence took a hard blow and I retreated in my own little bubble. Then, I remembered my journey. And, maybe, once more, I need to choose whether to listen. I know now that it is my choice and I know that whatever I choose, the answer is never in hiding… the answer is in keeping the momentum.

On Letting Go...

20/11/2022

Every year, since I first came to Canada, I become fascinated by the sight of the bright colored tulips sprouting every spring. I learned that you plant the bulbs in October and they remain dormant during fall and winter until they miraculously bloom with the first signs of spring.

Back then, I bought some tulip bulbs – I decided to plant them in my garden. But, for some reason, year after year, I kept missing this narrow planting window. For some reason, every fall, my life got entangled in so much mess that I kept postponing my planting project waiting for the “perfect time” – "Maybe next year", I kept telling myself. I carried those bulbs with me as I moved from one house to another, from one city to another, still waiting for “the perfect time” to lay them in the ground. Finally, this fall, I decided not to wait any longer- plant them I will. So, I got the bulbs out of the storage box, prepared the ground, opened the bag, and lo and behold, here they were… all rotten!

It was such an aha moment. I laughed so hard. Here I was, carrying along a bag of rotten bulbs for years waiting for the “perfect moment – perfect life… perfect time… perfect place...
I wondered what other “rotten stuff” have I been carrying along? What other rotten memories… beliefs… ideas… illusions… dreams… have I been allowing into my life hoping that one day something good will come out of them?
What other rotten layers of my life was I refusing to shed… to let go of once and for all?
I finally threw away the old rotten bulbs and bought fresh new ones. This time, I didn’t wait for the perfect time and place. I didn’t wait for the best weather or best practices… I dug in the dirt and laid them with total faith that beautiful colorful tulips will emerge under my windowsill in the spring, God willing!

“If you become addicted to looking back,
Half your life will be spent in distraction
And the other half in regret.
You can live better than that!
Find happier friends.” Rumi

“If you stop reading from your own small view,
The phoenix will grant kingdoms then to you!” Rumi

Body Whispers: Neck problems

Neck problems are related to flexibility. This is your fifth chakra: your ability to find your authentic voice and use it in a good cause, yet, it is also about learning to align this newly found will with the Divine will. Learning to trust: when do you need to keep pushing and when do you need to let go - not out of helplessness or despair but out of faith and trust.

Ask yourself:

what is keeping me from moving forward, from moving on with my life?
Do I feel stuck? Why? What is holding me back? What “rotten stuff” am I refusing to let go of?
What other sides of the story am I stubbornly unable or unwilling to consider?

Mind the Duck

4/10/2022

The aftermath of the pandemic with all the fears and uncertainty it created left us with many challenges and many balls to juggle. Many of us are struggling to pay the bills, make ends meet, care for loved ones, and care for ourselves… And, as we are caught up in this daily grind, we’re also caught in what Rumi calls an eagerness/ urgency mentality that drives us to keep running and pushing and striving further and further.

Rumi calls this human disposition “the Duck of Eagerness” بطة الحرص and warns us that if we leave this Duck roaming around freely, it will take over our life turning the good qualities of eagerness and urgency into an extreme of greed and anxiety.

Here is how he describes this Duck:

The Duck is eagerness, for his bill is always in the ground
Looking for what is buried in abundance or scarcity
His gullet doesn’t stop for a single moment;
The only command he is willing to hear from God is “Eat!”
He is like a thief breaking into a house
And very quickly filling his bag
Cramming in it what is worthy and what is worthless
Pearls and chickpeas alike
He sees his time as limited
and opportunities scarce.
Fear overwhelms him
So he puts everything under his armpit in haste.

But, a true believer - filled with trust-
Conducts his affairs in leisurely manner.
He feels safe
He knows that he won’t miss anything;
And he feels secure from other competitors,
As he perceived the King’s justice.
No wonder he doesn’t hurry
He is calm
At peace that his appointed fortune won’t miss him
Hence he has deliberation, patience, and forbearance
He is content, altruistic, and pure at heart.

Rumi describes this Duck Disposition as greed; and advises us:
“The shackles of greed, on your hands and neck now break
New fortune then, from heaven you can take.”

To be honest, I never thought of eagerness as greed. In our fast-paced world, eagerness, urgency and haste are considered as positive qualities. But, looking more closely, the Duck Disposition generates a scarcity mentality, a fear-based attitude, a FOMO exaggerated by the endless social media posts and flashy ads. We end up insecure, impatient, overwhelmed, feeling unsafe and unsettled, running around, missing all the daily beauty and joys sent our way.

It is time mind the duck! Don’t let it take over your life…

Traditional Wisdom of the month

Rumi gives the simile:

“an armed frightened horseman rode ahead
Into a forest on a thoroughbred.
An archer standing there saw him and drew
His bow in fear, not knowing what to do.
He aimed to shoot, the rider shouted out:
‘I’m weak - don’t let my huge frame make you doubt!”

Rumi then explains:

“Your weapons are your trickery and plots-
They’ve wounded your own soul by taking shots.
Since from those tricks you’ve gained naught in the end,
Abandon them, so God good luck might send!”

Sometimes we hold on to our anxieties and fears unconsciously imagining that they are the shield and weapons that keep us safe, keep us in control, not realizing that they are doing us more harm than good.

As Elizabeth Gilbert puts it, “you are afraid to surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control, all you had was anxiety.”

Our fears and anxiety, our Duck Disposition are the weapons that we desperately hold on to as they give us the illusion that we are in control. But, those “weapons” are in fact what is shielding us from a joyful, peaceful life.

What are your weapons and shields that give you the illusion that you are in control?
What is your Duck busy snatching, missing the beauty and harmony of its surrounding?
How can you mind the Duck?

Body Whisper: Chronic Fatigue & Fibromyalgia

On Peace & Anxiety

6/9/2022

As many of you may know, every year I choose an emotion, a feeling that I want to work on and reach during this year. My word for 2022 is “Peace of Mind.” I am still working on it. Rumi, as always, has a lot to say about this. And, here are two of his quotes that left me more anxious and confused than ever:
“Be silent and wait and when the clear green fore-head-stone is given, wear it.”
And, “Don’t always be waiting to see what’s behind it. That wait and see poison your spirit. Reach for it.”

Ok, so now what exactly do you want me to do, Mawlana? Should I silently wait or should I not?

It took me some time to grasp the essential message in all traditional teachings – Life is a paradox… embrace the opposites, the ambiguity… listen to your heart.

In another place, Rumi advices, “Nothing happens until you quit contriving with your mind. Quit your talking!”
In CBT, we call this undesirable “contriving”, the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts), those auto-generated thoughts that creep in- seemingly out of nowhere- and drag you down the rabbit hole.

An anxious mind is a mind loaded with ideas, thoughts, plans, to-dos, and scenarios… a mind like the World Wide Web firing in all directions all the time. Our ANTs generate negative feelings such as worry, fear, irritability, and helplessness. In their turn, the negative feelings initiate physical symptoms (hypertension, heart palpitation, high blood sugar levels, depressed immunity) and generate self-defeating behaviors that generate more ANTs and a vicious cycle sets in.

Anxiety is the body’s warning signal, the reminder that we need to slow down.

Psychologists identified ten most common cognitive distortions (another fancy word for ANTs) that lead us down this rabbit hole. We all have them in various extents, but each of us usually has 2-3 patterns that we fall in again and again.

You can download the sheet of the 10 most common CBT patterns HERE

Try to identify yours and monitor your thoughts this upcoming month. Use a journal to catch the “ANTs”. Whenever you see yourself slipping into a negative thinking pattern catch those ANTs and quickly stick them in your journal. Write down exactly what those negative thoughts were - What were you saying to yourself?
Explore why and how those ANTs arise, reflect about it… Can you challenge/refute those thoughts?
Can you “Quit your talking!”

When you chest is tight, your body is trying to tell you that there is a heavy weight, a burden, pressing on your chest that your are unable or unwilling to lift.
You are carrying too many responsibilities, running in all directions trying to meet everybody’s needs wondering when will you have time to meet your own… And, what are those needs of yours… you no longer know.
You are suppressing or avoiding your thoughts and feelings out of fear. Fear of facing the world… fear of facing your self… So, instead, you are putting on a mask that hides who you truly are.
And, on top of all that, there are stored grief and sorrow, and a deep feeling of loneliness and isolation. “Am I good enough?” You keep wondering. You have a need for intimate connection, a need to nurture and being nurtured, a need to love and be loved… A need to trust yourself and trust the world around you.

“When the house of the brain fills with a wanting,
Your heart gets crowded with anxieties.
The rest of the body maybe undisturbed,
But in your chest, there’s constant traffic.
Find a safe haven instead
In the strong autumn wind of awe
Let last year’s peonies blow off their stems.
Those flowers must go, so these new buds can grow.” – Rumi

Our modern life became more and more stressful It is like a race with us running like hamsters in a wheel. Maybe it is time to slow down and take a deep breath… Find the safe haven Rumi is talking about.

Rumi advises:
“Patience, not haste, gets you where you belong,
Slow down and heed the Beloved’s song.”

Let’s heed the Beloved’s song in our daily life… This month, let’s conclude every day by reflecting on one thing -at least one- that was sent our way that brought joy into our hearts.
In an increasingly frustrating and demanding world, let’s seek and focus on joy! Remember, you always have a choice!

Have a Blessed Joyful month :)

On Joy & Fear

8/8/2022

This month, I am writing about joy as this is exactly what I need to draw into my currently hectic life.

My personal journey to find joy started a few years back. It started when I realized that, throughout my life, I have been- and still is and hopefully will always remain- grateful and content. But, I can’t say that I was really joyful. I realized that joy is different from mere content and gratitude. It is also different from happiness. But, what is it? And how to attain it?

Brené Brown, in her book Atlas of the Heart, states that “happiness is stable, longer lasting, and normally the result of effort. It’s Low in intensity than joy, and more self-focused.” She writes that, for the ancient Greeks, happiness was a word that described “the freedom of the rich from normal cares and worries”. Joy is something else, she asserts, it is "sudden, unexpected, short-lasting, and high-intensity. It’s characterized by a connection with others, or with God, nature, or the universe. Joy expands our thinking and attention, and it fills us with a sense of freedom and abandon.” And, according to the ancient Greeks, “its opposite is not sadness, but fear.”

So, the opposite of joy is fear… This made so much sense.
Here a mini lesson about fear, I recorded a few years back and I still find relevant:

And, as I am resuming my journey towards joy, I want to share with you this beautiful poem by Rumi,

“No one knows what makes the soul wake up so happy!
Maybe a dawn breeze has blown the veil
from the face of God.

A thousand new moons appear.
Roses open laughing.
Hearts become perfect rubies.
The body turns entirely spirit.
Leaves become branches in the wind.

Why is it now so easy to surrender,
Even for those already surrendered?

There’s no answer to any of this.
No one knows the source of joy.

A poet breathes into a reed flute,
And the tip of every hair makes music."

It Is Written In the Sands

22/6/2022

There is an old Sufi tale about a Stream that flowed freely for years. It is said that he began his journey from up there in the mountains far far away… He passed through hilltops and lowlands… He survived ditches and travelled plains … until one day, he reached the desert.

The Stream has been through a lot on his journey and was certain that he can pull through this one too. So, he tried and tried; and the more he tried to cross the desert, the faster he kept sinking into its Sands… the Stream’s waters were disappearing and the Stream was gradually fading away.

Yet, he knew that he was meant to cross the desert… but, he had no idea how… And, he began to wonder why… Why was he facing such a hard task? Why can’t he just continue flowing as he used to? This is when the Stream heard a gentle subtle voice that seems to come from afar … the voice whispered: “the Wind crosses the desert, so can you.”
“But, the Wind can fly,” replied the Stream, “it can flow over those harsh arid Sands that keep sucking the life out of me.”
“Maybe you’re pushing too hard,” whispered the voice, “maybe you need to let go… Let go of your old ways of flowing… your old ways of knowing.”
“But, are there other ways of flowing… other ways of knowing?” Wondered the Stream.
“If you just allow yourself to be absorbed in the Wind, it can happily carry you to wherever you are meant to be.”
The Stream fiercely objected, “absorbed in the Wind? But, I will no longer be a Stream. What will I be? Who will I be if I let myself be absorbed in the Wind?”

“And, what will you be? Who will you be? If you do not?” Answered the voice. “If you keep pushing against the harshness of the Sands, you’ll soon be absorbed away or turned into a swampland.”

It was a hard choice to make… After all, the Stream only knew one way of flowing… one way of knowing. All his life, he has been flowing in his old familiar way… he has been knowing in his old knowable way... he was free, or so, he thought… he had never relinquished his control before… had never been absorbed before… “Will I stay me? Will I stay the Stream?”

“The Wind has been carrying the waters from the streams for years and years… it carries them to wherever they are meant to be”

“How do I know that this is true?”

“You need to trust. You need to believe.”

“But, will I remain the same Stream that I am today?”

“Your essence will never change… whether you become a new stream, a lake, or a river… whether you choose to sink in the Sands or turn into swamp or marsh... you are and will always remain you… your secret… your most essential you.”

The Stream was more confused than ever… So many questions needed to be asked. But, the answer did not come from the faraway whispers this time, the answer came from deep within. The Stream vaguely remembered once upon a time far faraway when he was held by the caring Wind… it felt safe… it felt true… or, did it?

And, the Stream allowed his waters to be absorbed in the Wind… and, the Wind gently carried the waters to the mountaintops far faraway. The Stream was watching and learning... He was flowing like he had never flown before… He was knowing like he had never known before...
The Stream still did not know where the Wind is carrying him… And, he still did not know what or how he’ll end up being… But, it felt true… it felt real… it felt safe. The Stream somehow knew that he still was and will always remain the Stream that he had always been and he also knew that he no longer was and will never remain the Stream he had ever been.

And, on his journey up to the mountaintops, he heard the familiar gentle voice whisper again, “We have always known, because we see it happen all the time."
And, this is why it is said that the journey of your Stream of Life is written in the Sands.

_______________
Ref. Tales of the Dervishes by Idris Shah

Did I really forgive?

18/5/2022

Forgiveness is an elusive concept. You think you’ve already forgiven and put the past behind you only to find the ugly face of anger, rancor, and hurt suddenly peek through the curtains of your life out of nowhere disturbing your peace and scaring the heck out of you.
Caroline Myss says, “the capacity to forgive is nothing less than the acceptance of a higher principle of Divine justice rather than earthly justice, as the organizing element behind the events of your life.” Forgiveness, she adds, “requires you to surrender your ego’s need to have life fall into place around your personal version of justice.”
No wonder forgiveness is so hard. It does not follow any logic or reason. Trying to rationalize it could be ultimately frustrating because we are applying our humanly limited version of logic in a futile attempt to manage our fears and pains. We are trying to control the chaos of our life, or rather what we perceive as chaos and randomness.
We will never find logical explanations for all the circumstances of our life, good or bad. Through his poetry, Rumi teaches us not to try to understand. Whatever meaning, reason, or conclusion we draw are but tiny pieces of threads in the big fabric of reality. Life is much more complex. Rumi advises:
“Please don’t request what you can’t tolerate
A blade of straw can’t hold a mountain weight.” (140)

And,
“If you stop reading from your own small view
The phoenix will grant kingdom then to you.” (1098)

To forgive, Myss teaches, we need to “defy gravity, to transcend the limitations of the reasoning mind and connect with an inner realm of mystical truth.”
Forgiveness defies reason as it defies gravity. It defies the clinging of the soul to explanation, order, structure, logic. It defies the gravitation towards a physical, inflexible, rigid realm and instead levitates us towards a heavenly mystical higher truth.

It is not easy… To forgive is to let go of a solid ground that might have supported us while we were trying to make sense of our life and existence; to let go of a familiar structure that held us as we navigated our way through life’s scary maze and wilderness. To forgive is to let go of the ant view and instead, fly high to see with an eagle eye...To see the bigger picture, the whole panorama, and realize that it is not about them… this is my story… my path… my journey; and all the challenges, troughs, snarls, and tangles are but lessons perfectly designed to help me build more resolve and strength, to help me advance on the Path and fly higher.

“Forgiveness, Myss says, is an act of release, surrendering the need for an explanation[…] forgiveness is your release from the hell of wanting to know what cannot be known.”

Myss sees that failing to surrender is a lack of humility as we cling to the illusion that we “can prevent God from creating chaos in [our] life.” “Certainly, you will never uncover an explanation that actually heals the full measure of your pain, because reason simply can’t penetrate the heart and soul that deeply.”

As Rumi says,
“The One from whom all benefits arise
Can surely see what you’ve seen with your eyes!
A million benefits are here and all
Compared with that one are extremely small.” (1531)
فكيف لا يرى ذلك الذي تتولد منه الفوائد ذلك الذي صار مرئيا لنا؟
وهناك مئات الآلاف من الفوائد كل منها تعد الفوائد التي ندركها بالنسبة لها قليلة القيمة

“If all Divine wisdom should be known to [the human being] at once, the benefits in it would leave him unable to act and the infinite wisdom of God would obliterate his comprehension. He would not be able to cope.” This is why God says, “We only send it down in a fixed measure” (Q. 15: 21) وَمَا نُنَزِّلُهُۥٓ إِلَّا بِقَدَرٍۢ مَّعْلُومٍۢ

Healing, teaches Myss, “represents a cleansing of the ego that liberates the embittered self. In its place emerges an inner truth that assures you that nothing was a mistake or an accident.”
“To surrender runs counter to all your instincts of protection, grounded as they are in your need for personal safety.” “Surrender represents […] a supreme act of faith that states, with God, all things are possible […] you leave it to God to chart the course of possibilities.”

Forgiveness is surrendering the ego… And, surrender is the ultimate test in humility. You acknowledge and assume your position as God’s servant عبدالله, you stop fighting for control or entitlement, you do the work and retreat in the shade, releasing the results, knowing and believing deep in your heart that the perfect plan is already in effect.

In Rumi’s words,

“The waves of peace collide with wonderous might,
Uprooting from men’s breasts all hate and spite” (2590)

“At one stage on this path snake venom changes
To wholesome food - it’s God who rearranges…
Things harmful to the soul in that pure sphere
Can be remedy where they are down here:
Unripe grapes are too sour for us to eat
But when those same grapes ripen, they taste sweet.” (2610-2614)

Disclaimer
My wellness coaching, workshops, teachings, and all the services I provide are at all times restricted to education, teaching and training on the subject of natural health matters intended for general natural health well-being and do not involve the diagnosing, prognosticating, treatment, or prescribing of remedies for the treatment of any disease, or any licensed or controlled act which may constitute the practice of medicine.
Any questions? Please email me at info@amiraayad.com

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