I have been asked a lot: “What does it mean to generate happiness?”, “Do we truly have that choice?”…
Clients have told me again and again: “But, you don’t know what I am going through”… “May be it works for others but it is not possible for ‘Me”… “It may have worked for you, but my husband has a real bad temper”… “but my kids are so out of control”… “but I am in so much debt”… “but I have [insert name of disease here]”… The best answer for those statements is the title of Sean Stephenson brilliant book: “Get off your But!”
 
I don’t mean to be offensive to anyone here and I certainly do not under estimate the seriousness of what you are going through… Believe me, in my profession I have seen it all… And, I have also seen some amazing heroes and heroines who are going though sooooo much challenges and yet manage to find peace in their heart and happiness in their life…
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It takes some effort to lift this depressive fog and you have to be willing to do the work… you might feel totally overwhelmed, depleted and have zero motivation to lift a finger… yet, you need to KEEP GOING! You need to keep taking those tiny steps forward EVERYDAY… no matter how you feel…
 
In Cognitive Behaviour therapy, it is believed that negative feelings are the result of negative thinking. Dr. Daniel Amen calls them ANTs - Automatic Negative Thoughts. You find yourself falling into an abyss of  “I am worthless”,  “I am good at nothing”, “I am a failure”, “What’s the point of trying”, “there is no use”… and the list goes on and on… Those ANTs creep into your mind and start generating their ‘stinging’ feelings. You become depressed, overwhelmed, hopeless, angry, frustrated…
And, in their turn those negative feelings generate self-defeating behaviours. You stay in bed longer, avoid friends and social gatherings, procrastinate… You are un-able and un-willing to work on your life and dreams - even if you love those dreams, you just can’t see the point of moving forward.

Depression is a vicious cycle and willing yourself out of it only causes you to sink deeper and deeper into your gloomy mood.
 
So, What can you do?
 
To change the depressing feelings, you need to change the two other components of the cycle:
- Your thinking pattern (your cognition)
- Your actions (your behavior)
 
Changing your thinking pattern:

1. Catch the ANTs
2. Stare them in the face
3. Talk back to them

 
Seriously! Start monitoring your trail of thinking. Whenever you catch yourself slipping into negative thinking pattern catch that ANT and quickly stick it in your journal. Write down exactly what that negative thought pattern was. What were you saying to yourself?
Notice here that I am asking you to catch the ANTs not the feelings. Let’s say your kid behave badly at school or came back with bad grades… Your ANTs start creeping in: “I did not do a good job”, “It is totally my fault”, “I am a failure, how can I be a good mother if my kid has such bad grades”, “I am worthless, I should have stayed with him instead of going to that stupid gym”, “He will never achieve anything in his life and it will all be my fault” … Those are the ANTs… if you let them, they will generate their stinging feelings: “I feel like crap”, “I am so down”,  “I feel like crying”…
We’re after the ANTs now, because we can actually do something about those ANTs:
Stare them in the face and talk back to them.
 
Look at what you wrote in your journal and reflect about it… Can you challenge those thoughts?
“I am a failure” – We call this generalization. Are you really a total failure? Are you failing all the time in everything you do? I am sure you are not.
Now that you stared them in the face, start talking back to them. “I may be in need to spend some more time with him, but I am still a good mother. I take good care of my kids.” “he may have failed this test, but there is a lot of room for improvement and he can certainly make it up if we start working on it”… “I may have needed some time for myself in the gym, but this does not mean I don’t give my kids enough attention, may be I need to manage my time differently, but I am definitely not worthless”…
 
See where we’re going here? This exercise might seem so simple and straightforward. You might even think, what’s the point? I know this stuff anyway. But, knowing is totally different from applying. Writing those ANTs down and talking back to them makes you able to catch even more and more ANTs that might be creeping their way into your mind un-noticed. It also help you “develop more objectivity” as Dr. David Burns explains. You will eventually stop taking those thoughts so seriously and start looking at them with a much realistic eye.
 
 
Changing your actions:
This is the tough part. When we fall into depression we basically experience motivation paralysis. We just want to sit there and do nothing. We feel hopeless, helpless and totally drained. Right?

So how can I ask you to start doing stuff?
It’s the old paradox of who came first, the egg or the chicken…

Movement, action and tiny achievement generate motivation.
Yet, we need motivation to start moving, doing action and make some achievements.

The not-very-pretty-truth is: you have to start moving! Any micro movement will start the wheel spinning. Don’t think about big goals or great achievements… don’t fret about those dirty plates in the sink and the over flowing laundry basket… I will get up and wash 1 plate. I know, this sounds ridiculous. What will 1 plate do? It will start the wheel spinning… believe me… I’ve been there. Just one plate, 1 washing machine load, 1 reply to 1 email, printing 1 file, writing just the title of that 1 report, reading 1 page of that text book… 1 tiny step. If you still can’t do it, think about an even tinier one… For some clients of mine, just getting out of bed and washing their face was an achievement that was worthy of celebration… it started the wheel spinning and eventually they lifted that fog.
 
So here you have it the main 2 steps to lift you off a depressing mood…

1. Catch the ANTs and talk back to them
2. Keep the wheel spinning

 
We’ll talk more about generating happiness in future blog… Meanwhile, I’ll leave you now to start catching some ANTs.
 
Have a great day

Salad Jars are one of my best tip to get a healthy lunch every day at work in minimum time. If you use mason jars with their tightly fit lid, your salad could be prepared up to 5 days ahead of time taken freshly to work, college or school everyday.

Layering here is very crucial for the salad to remain fresh.

• First layer: at the bottom of the jar, put the dressing: 1 Tbsp olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper with any herb or spice you fancy: oregano, rosemary, peppermint, sumac... It is important to avoid mixing this bottom layer with the remaining of the salad (especially the green leaves and sprouts) until just before serving.
• The second layer should be hardy vegetable that will withstand being in the oil/vinegar dressing for 2-5 days. Basically any vegetable that can be pickled is good to add here: baby carrots, cherry tomatoes (whole not cut), zucchini, turnip, sun dried tomatoes...
• After that comes any other still hard vegetables (cucumber, celery, broccoli, cauliflower...), beans or fruits (pomegranate, cranberries -fresh or dried),
• Following layer is the protein. This could be animal-based protein like left over chicken, veal, tuna, salmon, smoked salmon, shrimps, eggs... Or, plant-based protein like lentils, beans, quinoa, nuts and seeds.
• you can still add perishable vegetable on top of that if you have place: cut tomatoes, bell pepper, avocados...
• the final layer should take at least 1/3 of your jar and this should be the green leafy vegetables and some sprouts if you want.

​At time of serving you can just put the jar upside down for 2 minutes for the dressing to infuse the whole salad. Then eat straight from the jar. Or, you can empty the whole thing in a big bowl. Mix and serve.

Bon Appetit.

I had a client once who was a really talented writer. She dreamed of being a bestselling novelist, yet her life was full of drama and misery… One ordeal after another, stories of abuse, betrayal, divorce, illness, debts… When we dug deeper, she discovered that she held this strong belief that all famous writers led a miserable life… “The muse, she told me, is born and thrives on misery”. Deep in her subconscious mind, she believed that if she solves all her drama and became a happy, cheerful person, the muse would just walk away…
 
David Feinstein in his book The Promise of Energy Psychology, says that in order to change our life, we need first to be receptive for this change. While we logically accept and wish for those positive changes (like being happy, losing weight, healing our body, taming with our anger, calming our anxiety…) many of us hold this inner conflict that is unconsciously running the show, blocking our progress and hindering our healing.
Like my client, the author, who had subconscious resistance to overcoming her depression and poor health, many people experience this inner resistance to change.
 
Don’t underestimate this subconscious resistance, though. It cannot be simply overcome by will power, in fact, the harder you try, the tougher the resistance becomes… The more strictly you hold on to that diet, the more stubborn those fat cells become in holding on to your waist line… the stronger you push to hold your temper and repeat those mantras, the louder those anger bursts erupt at the most unexpected time… Your relentless efforts produce opposite results as your subconscious is trying to protect you at all cost. It is trying to hold on to some values or beliefs you acquired years back and don’t even realize they existed… “Those fats will keep men away, so I won’t be hurt by another failed love story”; “This anger keeps me safe in a hostile world”; “This drama feeds my muse”… Those are the inner stories that run in our heads all the time…
To heal, we need to unravel those deeply held tales… we need to challenge them, we need to change the story we run in our heads and write our own new version…
 
My simple formula of change is ABCD:

It is simple, but not easy- be warned!

Acknowledge
Believe
Challenge
Drive

• Acknowledge those inner stories and be aware of when they pop into your mind. What are they trying to protect you from? What fears, worries, or insecurities are they feeding?
• Believe that you have the power of choice. You can choose your own version of the story, and you can choose to be happy, healthy and successful on your own terms regardless of your outer circumstances. God never burdens a soul beyond what it can handle. And, most importantly, believe that you are worthy.
• Challenge the old belief and change the story. Write your own version, visualize it and feel it with all your senses. Trust. Surrender.
• Drive your own vehicle… take on the wheel and lead the way!