Amira Ayad, PhD
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Best Books I read in 2022

10/1/2023

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This is the time of the year again when I evaluate the books I’ve read last year and pick my favourite. As you know I am a bookworm, so it was very difficult to limit my list to 12 books, but here we go… No specific order:


1. Love Executioner & Other Tales of Psychotherapy - by Irvin Yalom
This is a compilation of case studies highlighting the inner dialogue that is occurring in the therapist’s mind as he is dealing with clients - Yalom shares very openly what is going on in his mind - very valuable learning from the safe and effective use of self and the countertransference to the simple frustration and annoyance … Brilliant, very honest and really brave.

2. Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure - by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt
The book discusses how the over-protection of the young generation in modern-day society un-intentionally led to many cognitive distortions that crept their way into young people’s mind and became like a kind of Orwellian’s groupthink - I am unique, I am entitled to, I deserve, it's my right…- and how these distortions are re-enforced by the social media and internet which helped what the authors called “consensual hallucinations”. The authors explore many consequences of these distortions like increased fragility, low tolerance for others who are different from us, and many forms of anxiety, depression, and violence at times. They also offer valuable suggestions and solutions.

3. People of the Lie: Towards a Psychology of Evil - by Scott Peck
Are there some “evil people”? Why are they behaving in a destructive way? Are they aware of the harm they are inflicting on themselves and others? Is “evil” an illness? Is it a form of personality disorder like the ones described in the DSM? Scott Peck defined evil as “the use of power to Destry the spiritual growth of others for the purpose of defending and preserving the integrity of our own sick selves. In short, it is scapegoating.”
As the book suggests, as therapists and counsellors, we can’t start dealing with or “healing” evil and its victims unless or until we have the courage of naming it. Yet, naming it, in itself, is very problematic. Who has the authority to name it?
In my practice, I now meet women who call their husbands narcissists just because they refused to take out the trash or forgot her birthday or maybe got the wrong birthday gift… People are randomly throwing the narcissist and psychopath labels at their spouses, family members, parents, neighbours, and colleagues … Evil will even bear a stronger connotation if we start randomly naming it… Yet, to heal, we must name it. How can we solve this dilemma?

4. Atlas of the heart:  Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience - by Brené Brown
A must read for every therapist and even-dare I say- for everyone. Giving name to those itching feelings that rise in our heart beyond the simplification of sad, mad, glad, and afraid. There is charm in simplicity - but, when it comes to emotions, simplification keeps you on the surface. This book empowers you with the language and knowledge that allow you to dig deeper into your heart and name those feelings. It is only when we name them that we will be able to tame them.

5. The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism - by Naomi Klein
Brilliant and Shocking! And, by the way, it was published before the pandemic. Let me just quote her here: “That is how the Shock Doctrine works: an original disaster [be it natural or man-made] puts the entire population into a state of collective shock […] serve to soften up whole societies. Shocked societies often give up things they would otherwise fiercely protect.”
“This desire for god-like power of total creation is precisely why free-market ideologues are so drawn to crises and disasters. An attraction to a kind of freedom and possibility available only in times of cataclysmic change - when people, with their stubborn habits and instant demands, are blasted out of the way - moments when democracy seems a practical impossibility.”

6. The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind - by Gustave Le Bon
A classic that is highly relative to our contemporary life.The author argues that “a crowd forms when an influential idea unites a number of individuals and propels them to act towards a common goal. This influential idea however is never created by members of the crowd. Instead, they are brought into the world by minds of great individuals” - those of course are the “gurus” of our modern-day, the influencers, the politicians, the “experts”…
Le Bon sees that the crowd is psychologically organized, “the sentiments and ideas of all the persons in the gathering take one and the same direction and their conscious personality vanishes” - “ A collective mind is formed.” Feelings and thoughts are turned into one direction , no trace of individual autonomy. They “feel, think and act in manner quite different from that in which each individual of them would feel, think and act were he in a state of isolation.” The sense of responsibility vanishes, the effect is contagious, and the crowd starts to obey all suggestions of the so-called “great individual” - the crowd starts to form its “unique characteristics and has moral bearing”. Impulsivity and emotional thinking are main characteristics of the crowd.
In our modern-day, we can find those crowds forming the “echo chambers” - social media pockets where beliefs and ideologies are amplified and re-enforced by repetition; and are isolated and shielded from opposing arguments and diverse perspectives resulting in un-intended (or maybe intended) confirmation bias and polarization. Sigh.

7. Propaganda: The Formation of Men's Attitudes -  by Jacques Ellul
Another classic. Published in 1962. Even before the age of the internet and social media, Ellul saw propaganda as a pervasive phenomenon that shapes our thinking and alter our worldview at the deepest most fundamental levels. “Development of sophisticated scientific techniques for manipulating minds along with the use of mass media for applying these techniques on the widest scale […] to effect changes in human personality.” He advised, “preservation of our freedom and autonomy will require recognizing its power.” - The question remains, how to remain self-aware so we do not get sucked up into this black hole - especially with the new technology, social media algorithm, increased life stresses, “Stolen Focus”, and all the demands of our modern age?

8. Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention & How to Think Deeply Again - by Johann Hari
The irony is that I got this as an audiobook because I don’t have time to sit and read the book - if you read my earlier blog about the “Duck” - here it is in action - our modern society is turning us all into what Rumi calls, Ducks of Urgency. We are running and running all the time unable to slow down and actually enjoy life. And, it is not a matter of simple will power or self-care practices. The problem, as Hari describes it, is much more systemic than we think.
A great read. It made me take my “Duck” problem much more seriously and start to implement lifestyle changes to slow down and take life in - Enjoy life instead of “speed reading” it.

9. Lost Connections - by Johann Hari
Another Johann Hari book. The author outlines 9 disconnections in our modern western society that pave the way to depression. Very well researched. I would add a 10th disconnection, though, disconnection from the Divine, from a Higher source or power.

10. Contemplation: An Islamic Psychospiritual Study - by Malik Badri
The book sheds light on an important worship practice in Islam Tafakkor - which could be roughly translated as contemplation, meditation or reflection. The author chooses “contemplation” to differentiate it from the Far Eastern practice of meditation. Tafakkor is a cognitive as well as spiritual practice. It engages the mind with its reflective ability along with the heart with its spiritual, emotional powers. It involves deep thinking with one goal in mind: developing spiritual awareness along with consciousness of and connection with God. As you are contemplating, you embark on a journey of discernment of the Divine signs in and around you.

11. The Rumi Prescription: How an Ancient Mystic Poet Changed My Modern Manic Life - by Melody Moezzi
Lovely autobiographical narrative. The author relates her journey, as an American exploring her Iranian roots and heritage, finding healing and restoring sanity with Rumi’s poetry. I love her honesty and vulnerability and love her interaction with her father/mentor with his gentle approach to conveying his traditional Rumi wisdom. The author takes us along her personal journey of  interpreting and applying this wisdom to her everyday life. Many topics explored: mental illness, isolation, distraction, depression, anxiety, anger, fear, disappointment… and more.

12. The Diary of Frida Khalo: An Intimate Self-Portrait - by Carlos Fuentes 
This is one of my weird-taste books - so, warning: it won’t appeal to everyone! Personally, I find it AMAZING!
This is the published unedited diary of Frida Khalo - what can be called in our modern-day, her Art Journaling. Although I feel it is an invasion of her privacy, I can’t help but marvel at it.
I use my journal pages to make sense of my world and create some order in the midst of chaos and I guess Frida’s diary was the fertile ground that sprouted her beautiful art that we all enjoy. Frida’s art is so vibrant and colourful, yet we know that she endured so much physical and emotional pain.
The diary feels like a doorway to the mind of this amazing artist, a peek into her soul- the aches and pain, the love, the hopes, the dreams - all raw and randomly scattered on the pages yet intimately interwoven. Maybe I love it because this is how my mind looks like - messy and randomly scattered, chaotic, confusing - it makes sense only to me - like this diary, although visually appealing, it would make sense only to Frida.
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New Year Reflection: 2023!

20/12/2022

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Another year is almost gone… and again, I don’t know how and where it went… so many things happened this year, and so many things didn’t.
​As we are preparing to move into the New Year, let’s do our usual end of year reflection. It is time to sit in silence and ponder… time to dig into our soul looking for answers or making peace with not finding those answers.

Here are our 7 reflection questions…
If you are a paper and pen type of person like me, you can print the images, stick them in your journal and dedicate some time every day during the remaining days of the year to reflect and make some decisions and choices.


Wish you all a blessed, happy, healthy and joyful New Year
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I'm Glad I didn't Listen

5/12/2022

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I grew up in my grandmother’s home. I was this little girl sitting in the corner listening to grown up stories… women who came to my grandmother for advice, service, and support. I have always been fascinated with the women stories and their wisdom. When I’ll grow up, I announced, I want to be counselling people listening to their stories and giving them support and wisdom like my grandma did. But, “This is not a profession,” I was told!
So,  stopped dreaming.

At school, I loved my creative writing class, I had loads of ideas, opinions, narratives, and views to express…  But my teacher did not like my writings… “Writing is not your strength,” she advised, “ stick to science, this is what you’re good at,”
So I stopped writing.

I then shifted to another passion… drawing, painting and visual art. My father and my brother are amazing artists, you could mistaken their drawings for photographs. But my art is different. I draw human experiences and healing. I express emotions and feelings through colors, forms and shapes. So, when I declared that I wanted to be an artist, I was met with a definitive “No way! You’re not good at art!” They advised in the most friendly way…“stick to science, this is what you’re good at!”
So, I stopped drawing!

When I graduated high school, I joined pharmacy. I was always good at science. But this wasn’t actually my reason for joining. Deep inside, I wanted to learn about those magical foods and herbs I experienced in my grandmother’s kitchen. Her kitchen was consistently brimming with aromas and flavors. A big pot was always simmering preparing the most delicious lunch for any potential guest. I have been enchanted by the magic of those recipes. I wanted to be an agent in people healing like she has been. Unfortunately, the way herbs and plants are taught in pharmacy stripped them from their magic, from their soul and reduced them to mere chemical formulas and Latin names. When I tried to express my point of view, no one understood what I was talking about.
So, I stopped trying.

I graduated top of my class and was hired as a teaching assistant in pharmacy. I loved my work. I love biochemistry. I love teaching and lab experiments. But, there was always something missing, some part of me I left behind in my grandmother’s home... some part of me that I left when I abandoned the kitchen, the stories, the sketchbooks, and the journals. But, I was now too busy climbing the ladder of academia and finishing my master degree in pharmacy.
So again, I stayed part of the system.

But, thankfully, not for long!
Fast forward… Now, decades later, I am glad I did not listen to the Nay Sayers.

My journey taught me to listen to my heart, instead, and not to fear being different.

  • They told me supporting women through stories is not a profession… I now practice narrative therapy, offer workshops and retreats, and my books are used to facilitate women’s support group around the world.
  • They told me I cannot make herbs my study and the kitchen my pharmacy… I now use herbs and natural products to restore health in most complicated conditions doctors fails to cure.
  • They told me I can never be a writer… I published 6 books, 2 of them have been translated into more than 10 languages and read and taught by 1000s around the globe.
  • They told me I’m not good at art… My art has been part of juried exhibitions and my art journals published in Canadian publications. I even integrated art in my work as a healing tool for self-exploration and expression.

Recently, I’ve been told of other things I cannot do and things I’m not good at…

My self-confidence took a hard blow and I retreated in my own little bubble. Then, I remembered my journey. And, maybe, once more, I need to choose whether to listen. I know now that it is my choice and I know that whatever I choose, the answer is never in hiding… the answer is in keeping the momentum.

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On Letting Go...

20/11/2022

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Every year, since I first came to Canada, I become fascinated by the sight of the bright colored tulips sprouting every spring. I learned that you plant the bulbs in October and they remain dormant during fall and winter until they miraculously bloom with the first signs of spring.

Back then, I bought some tulip bulbs – I decided to plant them in my garden. But, for some reason, year after year, I kept missing this narrow planting window. For some reason, every fall, my life got entangled in so much mess that I kept postponing my planting project waiting for the “perfect time” – "Maybe next year", I kept telling myself. I carried those bulbs with me as I moved from one house to another, from one city to another, still waiting for “the perfect time” to lay them in the ground. Finally, this fall, I decided not to wait any longer- plant them I will. So, I got the bulbs out of the storage box, prepared the ground, opened the bag, and lo and behold, here they were… all rotten!

It was such an aha moment. I laughed so hard. Here I was, carrying along a bag of rotten bulbs for years waiting for the “perfect moment – perfect life… perfect time… perfect place...
I wondered what other “rotten stuff” have I been carrying along? What other rotten memories… beliefs… ideas… illusions… dreams… have I been allowing into my life hoping that one day something good will come out of them?
What other rotten layers of my life was I refusing to shed… to let go of once and for all?
I finally threw away the old rotten bulbs and bought fresh new ones. This time, I didn’t wait for the perfect time and place. I didn’t wait for the best weather or best practices… I dug in the dirt and laid them with total faith that beautiful colorful tulips will emerge under my windowsill in the spring, God willing!
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“If you become addicted to looking back,
Half your life will be spent in distraction
And the other half in regret.
You can live better than that!
Find happier friends
.” Rumi 

“If you stop reading from your own small view,
The phoenix will grant kingdoms then to you!
” Rumi 
​



Body Whispers: Neck problems

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Neck problems are related to flexibility. This is your fifth chakra: your ability to find your authentic voice and use it in a good cause, yet, it is also about learning to align this newly found will with the Divine will. Learning to trust: when do you need to keep pushing and when do you need to let go - not out of helplessness or despair but out of faith and trust.
​

Ask yourself:
  • what is keeping me from moving forward, from moving on with my life?
  • Do I feel stuck? Why? What is holding me back? What “rotten stuff” am I refusing to let go of?
  • What other sides of the story am I stubbornly unable or unwilling to consider?
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Mind the Duck

4/10/2022

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The aftermath of the pandemic with all the fears and uncertainty it created left us with many challenges and many balls to juggle. Many of us are struggling to pay the bills, make ends meet, care for loved ones, and care for ourselves… And, as we are caught up in this daily grind, we’re also caught in what Rumi calls an eagerness/ urgency mentality that drives us to keep running and pushing and striving further and further.

Rumi calls this human disposition “the Duck of Eagerness” بطة الحرص  and warns us that if we leave this Duck roaming around freely, it will take over our life turning the good qualities of eagerness and urgency into an extreme of greed and anxiety.

Here is how he describes this Duck:

The Duck is eagerness, for his bill is always in the ground
Looking for what is buried in abundance or scarcity
His gullet doesn’t stop for a single moment;
The only command he is willing to hear from God is “Eat!”
He is like a thief breaking into a house
And very quickly filling his bag
Cramming in it what is worthy and what is worthless
Pearls and chickpeas alike
He sees his time as limited
and opportunities scarce.
Fear overwhelms him
So he puts everything under his armpit in haste.

But, a true believer - filled with trust-
Conducts his affairs in leisurely manner.
He feels safe
He knows that he won’t miss anything;
And he feels secure from other competitors,
As he perceived the King’s justice.
No wonder he doesn’t hurry
He is calm
At peace that his appointed fortune won’t miss him
Hence he has deliberation, patience, and forbearance
He is content, altruistic, and pure at heart.

Rumi describes this Duck Disposition as greed; and advises us:
“The shackles of greed, on your hands and neck now break
New fortune then, from heaven you can take.” 

To be honest, I never thought of eagerness as greed. In our fast-paced world, eagerness, urgency and haste are considered as positive qualities.  But, looking more closely, the Duck Disposition generates a scarcity mentality, a fear-based attitude, a FOMO exaggerated by the endless social media posts and flashy ads. We end up insecure, impatient, overwhelmed, feeling unsafe and unsettled, running around, missing all the daily beauty and joys sent our way.

It is time mind the duck! Don’t let it take over your life…
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Traditional Wisdom of the month

Rumi gives the simile:

“an armed frightened horseman rode ahead
Into a forest on a thoroughbred.
An archer standing there saw him and drew
His bow in fear, not knowing what to do.
He aimed to shoot, the rider shouted out:
‘I’m weak - don’t let my huge frame make you doubt!”

Rumi then explains:

“Your weapons are your trickery and plots-
They’ve wounded your own soul by taking shots.
Since from those tricks you’ve gained naught in the end,
Abandon them, so God good luck might send!” 

Sometimes we hold on to our anxieties and fears unconsciously imagining that they are the shield and weapons that keep us safe, keep us in control, not realizing that they are doing us more harm than good.

As Elizabeth Gilbert puts it, “you are afraid to surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control, all you had was anxiety.”

Our fears and anxiety, our Duck Disposition are the weapons that we desperately hold on to as they give us the illusion that we are in control. But, those “weapons” are in fact what is shielding us from a joyful, peaceful life.
  • What are your weapons and shields that give you the illusion that you are in control?
  • What is your Duck busy snatching, missing the beauty and harmony of its surrounding?
  • How can you mind the Duck?

Body Whisper: Chronic Fatigue & Fibromyalgia

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On Joy & Fear

8/8/2022

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This month, I am writing about joy as this is exactly what I need to draw into my currently hectic life.

My personal journey to find joy started a few years back. It started when I realized that, throughout my life, I have been- and still is and hopefully will always remain- grateful and content. But, I can’t say that I was really joyful. I realized that joy is different from mere content and gratitude. It is also different from happiness. But, what is it? And how to attain it?

Brené Brown, in her book Atlas of the Heart,  states that “happiness is stable, longer lasting, and normally the result of effort. It’s Low in intensity than joy, and more self-focused.” She writes that, for the ancient Greeks, happiness was a word that  described “the freedom of the rich from normal cares and worries”. Joy is something else, she asserts, it is "sudden, unexpected, short-lasting, and high-intensity. It’s characterized by a connection with others, or with God, nature, or the universe. Joy expands our thinking and attention, and it fills us with a sense of freedom and abandon.” And, according to the ancient Greeks, “its opposite is not sadness, but fear.”

So, the opposite of joy is fear… This made so much sense.
Here a mini lesson about fear, I recorded a few years back and I still find relevant:
And, as I am resuming my journey towards joy, I want to share with you this beautiful poem by Rumi,

“No one knows what makes the soul wake up so happy!
Maybe a dawn breeze has blown the veil 
from the face of God.

A thousand new moons appear.
Roses open laughing.
Hearts become perfect rubies.
The body turns entirely spirit.
Leaves become branches in the wind.

Why is it now so easy to surrender,
Even for those already surrendered?

There’s no answer to any of this.
No one knows the source of joy.

A poet breathes into a reed flute,
And the tip of every hair makes music."
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It Is Written In the Sands

22/6/2022

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There is an old Sufi tale about a Stream that flowed freely for years. It is said that he began his journey from up there in the mountains far far away… He passed through hilltops and lowlands… He survived ditches and travelled plains … until one day, he reached the desert.

The Stream has been through a lot on his journey and was certain that he can pull through this one too. So, he tried and tried; and the more he tried to cross the desert, the faster he kept sinking into its Sands… the Stream’s waters were disappearing and the Stream was gradually fading away. 

Yet, he knew that he was meant to cross the desert… but, he had no idea how… And, he began to wonder why… Why was he facing such a hard task?  Why can’t he just continue flowing as he used to? This is when the Stream heard a gentle subtle voice that seems to come from afar … the voice whispered: “the Wind crosses the desert, so can you.”
“But, the Wind can fly,” replied the Stream, “it can flow over those harsh arid Sands that keep sucking the life out of me.”
“Maybe you’re pushing too hard,” whispered the voice, “maybe you need to let go… Let go of your old ways of flowing… your old ways of knowing.”
“But, are there other ways of flowing… other ways of knowing?” Wondered the Stream. 
“If you just allow yourself to be absorbed in the Wind, it can happily carry you to wherever you are meant to be.”
The Stream fiercely objected, “absorbed in the Wind? But, I will no longer be a Stream. What will I be? Who will I be if I let myself be absorbed in the Wind?”

“And, what will you be? Who will you be? If you do not?” Answered the voice. “If you keep pushing against the harshness of the Sands, you’ll soon be absorbed away or turned into a swampland.” 

It was a hard choice to make… After all, the Stream only knew one way of flowing… one way of knowing. All his life, he has been flowing in his old familiar way… he has been knowing in his old knowable way... he was free, or so, he thought… he had never relinquished his control before… had never been absorbed before… “Will I stay me? Will I stay the Stream?”

“The Wind has been carrying the waters from the streams for years and years… it carries them to wherever they are meant to be”

“How do I know that this is true?”

“You need to trust. You need to believe.”

“But, will I remain the same Stream that I am today?”

“Your essence will never change… whether you become a new stream, a lake, or a river… whether you choose to sink in the Sands or turn into swamp or marsh... you are and will always remain you… your secret… your most essential you.”

The Stream was more confused than ever… So many questions needed to be asked. But, the answer did not come from the faraway whispers this time, the answer came from deep within. The Stream vaguely remembered once upon a time far faraway when he was held by the caring Wind… it felt safe… it felt true… or, did it? 

And, the Stream allowed his waters to be absorbed in the Wind… and, the Wind gently carried the waters to the mountaintops far faraway. The Stream was watching and learning... He was flowing like he had never flown before… He was knowing like he had never known before...
The Stream still did not know where the Wind is carrying him… And, he still did not know what or how he’ll end up being… But, it felt true… it felt real… it felt safe. The Stream somehow knew that he still was and will always remain the Stream that he had always been and he also knew that he no longer was and will never remain the Stream he had ever been.

And, on his journey up to the mountaintops, he heard the familiar gentle voice whisper again, “We have always known, because we see it happen all the time."
And, this is why it is said that the journey of your Stream of Life is written in the Sands.

_______________
Ref. 
Tales of the Dervishes by Idris Shah


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On Belonging...

7/1/2022

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There is a district in old Cairo called Al-Sakakini. It is named after the beautiful mansion of Al-Sakakini family, a family of Syrian refugees who immigrated to Egypt more than a 100 years ago fleeing an oppressive regime in their homeland, leaving all their belongings and possession behind. Their son, the young Sakakini, was in his late teens when the family settled in their new country. He had only received elementary education and was working hard everyday to help his family stay afloat.

At that time, Egypt was digging the Suez Canal (the canal that connects the Red Sea to the Mediterranean). When they started digging, the workers were faced with a stampede of ferocious rats coming from all over the city eating supplies, destroying machinery, and spreading diseases. The management tried all kinds of rat poisons and traps but nothing worked. The rats kept multiplying, getting bigger, fatter, and more aggressive. The government announced that the whole project was about to fail and would soon be abandoned.

Our young Sakakini read the newspaper and a light bulb went on! Why not use cats to eat the rats? Can you imagine how people received his idea? He was made fun of, ridiculed and belittled: Don’t you think they have cats over there? Do you think no body tried that already? It is so obvious isn’t it... you're no genius!

Sakakini did not listen to the nay Sayers, he got cages, gathered stray cats from the streets of Cairo, and shipped them to the construction site in Suez. There, he released the cats and within 24 hours, the site was cleared. The digging was soon resumed and the news reached the khedive Ismail, the ruler of Egypt at the time. He was so impressed that he appointed young Sakakini as his personal adviser. Sakakini was a creative adviser and proved wise in many subsequent decisions. Soon enough, he was granted a mansion in a district that still carries his family's name more than a 100 years later.

Unlike young Sakakini, I have always been afraid to be different…
I feared that being myself, expressing my unconventional opinions, or taking a stand for what I believe in would prevent me from “fitting in,” from being part of the tribe, from belonging.

I grew up in my grandmother’s house, a big family home with doors always open to welcome everybody. I was this little girl sitting in the corner listening to grown-ups' stories… women who came to my grandmother for advice, counsel, and support…
My grandmother’s kitchen was constantly brimming with aromas and flavors. A big pot was continuously simmering preparing the most delicious lunch for any potential guest, neighbour, friend, or just for the mailman and the newspaper guy around the corner. I enjoyed trips with my aunt to the old spice souks stocking on spices, herbs, and teas… My grandmother had a recipe for every ailment and it worked every time. I became fascinated with women's stories and enchanted by the magic of those herbs and spices. “When I’ll grow up, I announced, I’ll be a story catcher, listening to people’s stories, giving them support, and sharing wisdom and healing foods like grandma's.”  But, this is not a profession, I was told!

So, I stopped dreaming!

At school, I loved my creative writing class. In my eccentric brain, neurons are constantly firing in all directions generating uncontrollable stream of ideas, opinions, stories, and visuals begging to be expressed and shared.  But, for some reason, my teacher did not seem to like my writing, “Writing is not your strength,” she advised, “ stick to science, this is what you’re good at.”

So, I stopped writing.

I then shifted to another passion, drawing and visual art. I enjoyed expressing emotions and feelings through colors, forms, and shapes. My father and my brother are talented artists, you could mistaken their drawings for photographs. But, my art is different, I drew emotions and human feelings… I drew experiences and build imaginative cosmos. So, when I declared that I wanted to be an artist, I was met with a definitive, “No way! ‘You’re not good at art!” They advised me in the most friendly way to “stick to science, this is what you’re good at!”

And, I stopped drawing!

When I graduated high school, I joined pharmacy. I was always good at science, so I’ve been told. But, this wasn’t my reason. Deep inside, I wanted to learn about those magical herbs I left back in my grandmother’s kitchen, I wanted to be an agent in people healing and relief like she was.
Unfortunately, the way herbs and remedies are taught in pharmacy stripped them from their magic, from their soul and reduced them to mere chemical formulas and Latin names. When I tried to express this humble opinion and maybe carve some path for change, no one understood what I was talking about.

And, again, I stopped! I remained part of the system.


I graduated top of my class and was hired as a teaching assistant in the faculty. I loved my work. I love biochemistry, I love teaching and lab experiments… but, there was always something missing, some part of me I left behind in my grandmother’s house, some part of me that I left when I abandoned the stories, the kitchen apothecary, my journals, and my sketchbooks.
But, I was now too busy climbing the ladder of academia and finishing my master degree in pharmacy. I needed to fit in… to be accepted… to remain part of the system.

Ironically, the more I struggled to fit in, the less I felt that I belonged.



Brené Brown teaches, “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

When we settle into our ordinary life, we’re always sent signs… directions for the path, for the next step in the journey we are meant to embark on. Joseph Campbell calls it, “Call for Adventure”… This call starts subtle, like those unsettling  feelings I had, the feelings that I am abandoning essential parts of who I am in a futile attempt to fit in… But, I did not listen, I did not heed the subtle warnings… So, they had to become louder and uglier.

As I finished my research and was ready to present my thesis, my faculty advisor refused to accept it unless I end my maternal leave and come back to work. With two toddlers at hand, I couldn’t do that. So, I was forced to submit my resignation in order for me to complete and receive my master degree. I cried day and night. I felt oppressed and unjustly treated… My years of hard work and my dream of becoming a university professor were shattered overnight. But, wait a minute… were those ‘my’ dreams? This “call” forced me to stop for a moment and reconsider my path. Was it really my path or was it the path that everyone believed was the best for me?
Leaving academia gave me the chance to dig into those passions I have abandoned years ago. I studied nutrition, natural health, spirituality and theology; and I loved every step along the way. I ended up with a degree in nutrition, a PhD in Natural Health, and a Master in Pastoral studies. I wrote books that I would have never written if I was still following a path that was not meant for me.

Brené Brown's words made so much sense now, “because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” I had to learn to accept myself, my true authentic self. Like young Sakakini, I had to learn not to fear being different. I had to learn that it is ok to “stand alone in the wilderness” at times or even most of the times. I had to learn to trust myself for me to be able to trust others.

Striving for belonging is a natural human instinct. We all need to belong. It is a tough, and at times scary, quest that requires us to keep “Braving the Wilderness.”  “True belonging, 
Brené says, is not something you negotiate externally, it’s what you carry in your heart.”


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Ready for 2022? Reflection # 7

21/12/2021

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It is time to build some habits… Studies show that mere positive visioning of the desired outcome is not enough to take us there. The “Law of Attraction” does not work if we do not do the work.

If you have been following with me so far, you should now have the feeling that you want to embody in 2022. You have some goals in mind, be they material or psychological or spiritual. It is time to set some habits that will take you to your desired goals.
I like to divide my habits into 3 categories: Body, Mind & Spirit.

Body – What healthy food, exercise, or sleep practices do you need to put in place that will help you reach your goals and desired feeling?

Mind - what mental habits, states, or beliefs do you need to adopt for your specific goals? What daily, weekly or monthly habits do you need to set in place? Ex. studying time, reading habits, silence and reflection time, accountability and tracking habits, reminders, social connection, self-care practices, relationship habits…

Spirit– In our daily life, we feed our body and mind, but we forget to feed our spirit – The only food for the spirit is its connection with its source, with the Divine. How do you do that? Focus on your heart. Our heart is the gateway between this earthly realm and the Unseen – between the body/mind and the Divine spirit within us.
So, what habits of heart purification do you need to set in place for this heart to be able to reflect the beauty of your spirit?

Set some time this week to work on those habits and plans… Let’s make this New Year the best that we can.
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Ready for 2022? Reflection #6

14/12/2021

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Now that you decided how you want to feel in 2022, it is time to dig deeper.
 
 For me, once I decided I want to feel At Peace, I started to ponder what does “at peace” mean to me?  The same feeling can mean different thing to different people.
 
I took time to reflect and journal and three meanings came to mind:
 
Persistence, Congruence & Connection
 
 
Persistence: Reaching peace and tranquility is a hard task… it needs work and persistence. Persistence means continuing firmly on my course of action in spite of difficulty and opposition… Continuing to strive, to endure...  Persistence is part of being resilient, content and patient… “Just keep going!” as Little Dori says.
 
Congruence: At peace requires that I work on keeping my body, mind, heart, and soul in agreement and harmony all the time. Again, hard task… but, hopefully doable.
 
Connection: Keeping my connection to my heart and soul, to God, to His Book, to my family, my community, to the world and to life itself.
 
These might not sound like “goals” in the conventional, western sense of the word, yet, at this stage of my journey, these psychological and spiritual goals seemed more important and more of a priority than any material achievements.
 
You might be at a different stage of your life, you might add some material goals like passing exams, buying a house or focusing on your family… That’s totally fine… Think and craft your list…
 
Have a beautiful week
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    About the Author

    Hi, I'm Amira... I'm all for simple, natural, uncomplicated life... My core values are derived from my Islamic faith... My definition of wellness includes lots of smiles, human interactions, delicious food, music, joy, colorful paint, Mediterranean sunshine, blue sky and turquoise sea, care, love, compassion and deep heart-felt peace.
    I love learning… I love books and art supplies… And, I am saddened by human conflict and intolerance.
     
    I am an introvert who loves being around people... I love building communities and gathering around the kitchen table... I am a teacher at heart... I simplify complex health science and speak openly about heart and soul stuff...

    I've been helping people on their health and healing journey for more than 20 years now and I am committed to be authentic, caring and a beacon of love and peace.

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My wellness coaching, workshops, teachings, and all the services I provide are at all times restricted to education, teaching and training on the subject of natural health matters intended for general natural health well-being and do not involve the diagnosing, prognosticating, treatment, or prescribing of remedies for the treatment of any disease, or any licensed or controlled act which may constitute the practice of  medicine. 
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