He made you doubt yourself, not only your worth, but also your sanity. Life became a huge struggle… you’re caught in a constant whirlwind, never-ending drama. He feeds off drama. It fills his emptiness. His unpredictability drives you crazy. One day he is the perfect lover- romantic, giving, charming. And the next, he is not even there. He disappears without prior notice. Without any known reason. He just vanishes and leaves you with a note of guilt-ridden blames and threats. He’s always the victim and you have to apologize, to beg and get down on your knees in order to prove that you deserve his presence in your life. Or, maybe he does not leave. He stays but tortures you with a silent treatment. You have to keep guessing what have you possibly done to upset him? Either way, you need to beg and plead for forgiveness… By now, you are brainwashed into believing that you cannot survive without him. You believe that you are not worthy of a better treatment. You are powerless and helpless. You’ll never be able to make it on your own. You’re a total failure. This is the message you are constantly receiving from him… Yet, before the world, he portrays you as a great, amazing, and highly accomplished woman… This portrait is essential to complete his perfect image… His image of greatness, of the perfect man, the caring and supportive husband who is always there for his wife… and who in the world would believe you if you dare to challenge this image? How can a man who speaks so highly of you be the same person who is damaging you and your kids? He is full of contradictions… contradictions that only you can see… The entire world sees his perfect face – a bit weird, maybe- but perfect. Aren’t all geniuses weird? You ungrateful woman! How dare you object or complain?
 
Soon enough, you find yourself isolated from the world. He has to make sure you are broken and lonely so that you’ll never leave him… this is how much he loves you - in his own twisted way. He cannot imagine his life without you. You have to remain his. He presents as the most confident human being, yet he’s so broken, he’s vulnerable.  He’s helpless. He cannot survive on his own. Deep in his heart he knows this fact. This is why he must keep you by his side forever. You have to remain his. He owns you and is taking you for granted. He breaks you… breaks your self-esteem, your spirit, your social life, your career, everything… so you only have him… So you remain his… So you could never leave. You are left with all those years of manipulation and emotional blackmail… all those weeks and months of silent treatment… all those times when he disappeared when you and your kids needed him the most… he just vanished and sent threatening notes telling you that he is abandoning you for good… all those times he left you and your kids with no money, no words, no support… all those instances when he showed his frightening face of anger for no apparent reason… all those times when you begged for forgiveness not even knowing what you are apologizing for… all those times when he left you broken, ill and depressed crying yourself to sleep and wishing and praying that you never wakeup again… How can you ever be the same again? He broke you, killed this beautiful innocent spirit inside you, whether intentionally or unintentionally… you don’t care any more… he made you not only doubt yourself, but also hate yourself – hate that you are not good enough and never will be… hate that you are not worthy of love… you believed those lies… The truth is that he never actually loved you… he does not really know what love is. He’s empty, a hollow shell that used you to fill his emptiness and weld the cracks of his soul… You would have lovingly done that if he hadn’t destroy you in the process… You might never be able to understand why? Why did he try to destroy the one person who loved him the most? May be your problem is that you looked at him as an idol, you put him on a pedestal, you refused to enjoy your own life until you see him fulfilled and happy… isn’t that the way you were raised as a girl in a patriarchal culture? The pious faithful wife should be the candle who burns for her husband to enjoy the light.
 
Psychologists see that the main characteristics of a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are underlying feeling of emptiness, deep emotional pain, instability of mood, self-image and relationships, and an impulsivity that is potentially damaging to himself and to those around him.[1] A person with BPD is usually very intense, oscillating between feelings of rage to depression in a very short period of time.[2] Although he seldom shows it, a person with BPD struggles with self-identity and dysfunctional emotions and usually consciously or subconsciously engages in self-harming behaviours.[3] They have poor impulse control and conceal a constant fear of abandonment. [4] They are usually impatient, unpredictable, and moody. They lack empathy and are unable to see beyond their own feelings and needs. They prefer to detach from social life and struggle with constant anxiety.
High functioning borderlines are living among us. They are “quiet”… their symptoms are hidden from the world as they somehow manage to navigate everyday life and cope with personal and professional demands.
I believe that many of the personality disorders are not strictly illnesses. These are people who have their special talents and intellectual gifts. Many borderlines are known for their math genius, creative skills, and out-of-the-box thinking. The world needs their brilliant mind. God created it this way for a reason. Yet, they need to learn to deal with the outside world and see it from other people’s perspective. They are victims of their genius brain. They don’t understand human emotions the same way most of us do. They process information differently… They lack empathy and are unable to see beyond their own needs. Their special brain function makes them confused, even terrified at times. Their erratic behaviour is a self-defence mechanism for the emptiness and alienation they feel inside. They consciously or unconsciously sabotage their relationships because they are hungry for human connections, yet so scared of abandonment.
 
But, what is a wife to do? You tried… for years and years you tried… You withstood years of emotional torture until you lost your health, your smile, your passion for life, your career, and almost lost your mind and even at times, your faith. You lost everything. For years, you sacrificed. Yet, it was never enough. The emptiness inside him is never fulfilled and will never be. You can never “fix” anyone especially if he believes that nothing is wrong with him… He is perfect, remember?
 
How do you know that it is time to leave? You are constantly wondering whether he is doing whatever he is doing intentionally or unintentionally? Is he purposefully hurting you? Is he hurting as well? And, should you even care? At some point, you stop caring… At some point, you finally decide to put yourself and your kids first… At some point, you decide to say no… you do not even try to explain… there in no point in explaining… no point in trying to justify your decision or rationalize it… In his mind, he will always be the victim. But, then, as soon as he feels that he will lose you, he will once more behave. It is a cycle that keeps repeating over and over again. Apologizing, crying, begging, offering love and sacrifices… anything to get you back…
 
The day has come. Enough is enough… You leave and this helpless loving puppy turns into a monster whose sole role is to destroy you. Yet, again, in his twisted mind, he is still the victim. You are the villain who dared to leave his warm loving nest, his golden cage. You dared to break the chains. Lies and cheating come so naturally to him… He is so confident and everyone believes him… Why wouldn’t they? He planned for this all his life. He chose you very carefully. He chose a trustworthy, honest, yet broken woman who would never betray his secret or reveal his true nature to the world. He never lost his cool in front of others. He is in total control of his temper, of his emotions- as he simply hasn’t any – he has no emotions… No feelings… No empathy. This is not an exaggeration. This is real. He “understands” emotions with his rational mind. He interprets them, analyses them and logically “gets” them, but he cannot “feel” them. He’s an empty shell, a dark black hole that slowly and skilfully sucked life out of you that you didn’t even notice that you were suffocating. Like boiling the frog… you were slowly dying but you were totally unaware… you became a walking dead… an empty shell like him… you were just living wishing for those endless days to come to an end. And, then, the time came when you finally realized that he does not deserve you. He does not deserve your love… the time came when you finally decided to walk away forever… let his empty shell forever stay empty and cracked.
 
 
“You know you have healed when you can tell your story without shedding any more tears”
And, “You know you have matured when you don't care if other people know your side of the story.”
– Anonymous quotes

___________________________________
[1] W. Edward Craighead, Psychopathology, 562.
[2] Susan W. Gray, Psychopathology: A Competency-Based Assessment Model for Social Workers, 4th ed. (Boston: Cengage Learning, 2016), 502-503.
[3] Susan Gray, Psychopathology, 502-503.
[4] Ibid.

It is estimated that psychosis affects around 2% of all population across all ages.[1] From evolutionary perspective, those traits must have survived because they are required to play a role in human development: leadership, working under extreme pressure, thinking out of the box, wild creativity, invention, art and poetry… are among many characteristics found in people suffering from different forms of psychosis like schizophrenia and bipolar disorders.

It is interesting to see that no traditional culture looked at those traits as disease or impairment. People affected were regarded as different, yes, but they were still considered “normal.” Their atypical behavior was part of the grand scheme of the societal structure. And, who has the right to define “normal”? Nowadays, evidence-based healthcare relies heavily on statistical analysis of a collected data. Lennard Davis argues that the use of statistics, which began in the 1800s by eugenicists, aimed, and in most cases is still aiming, at establishing the “normal distribution” of human beings in an attempt to reduce deviation from the norm.[2] This idea of the norm in itself is a tyranny that ignores many aspects of the human experience trying to fit the entire population into well-defined boxes.

Even the neurotransmitter theory, it is just that, a theory.[3] We know that dopamine is elevated in people with schizophrenia and that serotonin is low in people suffering from depression. But, we don’t know whether it is a cause or an effect: Is the elevated dopamine level causing the schizophrenia, the bipolar or the psychosis, or is it caused by them? And, is the reduced serotonin level causing the depression or is it caused by it? No one really knows.

The human brain is way more complicated than our neurotransmitter or neurobiological model of reality. People experiencing those symptoms have always been assimilated into society. They were “different,” but still “normal.” They were atypical, but still functional. They performed specific roles that no “normal” person can do. Like shamans in native cultures, Joan of Arc in France, and Al-Hallaj in Sufi history, if any of them were to be presented to our modern conventional medical model, they would have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Yet, at their time and in their culture, they were very special, even gifted individuals and highly esteemed at times.

Joseph Polimeni, a British psychiatrist and author of the book Shamans Among Us, believes that “people with schizophrenia are the modern manifestation of prehistoric tribal shamans.” Nevertheless, he affirms that he still treats his patients within the conventional biopharmacological model, because, we simply have no other alternatives. For those people to be assimilated into society and for them to lead a functional life, our whole social structure needs to be changed. Dr. Gabor Maté, the renowned Canadian psychiatrist, sees that a person with schizophrenia in a tribal culture holds a better chance of survival and well-being than one following the Western medical model.[4] Our view on mental illness cannot be removed from the person’s context and culture. Our Western materialistic and individualistic society focuses on achievements and possessions cutting off emotional, social, and spiritual needs, which, according to Maté, separates us from ourselves and paves the road for pathology.[5] Unfortunately, those ancient cultural and tribal modes of life do not exist anymore. They have been crushed under the weight of industrialism and individualism. The nuclear family is not enough nor is the extended family -that still occasionally exists in some communities- to assimilate those individuals’ needs. The whole societal model does not accept or tolerate anyone who is “different.” Sebastian Junger, in his book Tribe, notes how history has never witnessed such high rates of mental illness. As opposed to the traditional tribal culture where everyone is involved in a meaningful community role and purpose, modern Western culture, he adds, and I totally agree, made us feel un-necessary and unimportant, which is one of the main reasons behind modern-day mental disorders.[6]
 
I totally acknowledge that in many cases, those individuals could pose substantial risk on society. They could be violent and even dangerous. But, how do we know that this violence is not triggered by violent media, movies, and video games that we, as a society, are bombarded with on a daily basis? How do we know that this violence is not caused by nutrients deficiency from our genetically manipulated and heavily sprayed food, or by chemical pollution from our toxin-loaded environment, or by viral vulnerability from our highly compromised immune defence?

I believe we are messing with a highly precious gift that God has bestowed upon us, our brain. This highly sophisticated neural system was supposed to be a tool that helps us read “the signs on the horizons and within our souls” (Q. 41: 53), the signs that show us the way to the Truth, to our Creator. It was supposed to be a tool that helps us align our innate heart and soul knowledge of Him (our Fitrah) with our logical, analytical understanding of ourselves, our world, and our life meaning and purpose. This highly precious gift has been corrupted and damaged. It has been confused and disconnected from its source.
 
I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but I honestly can’t envision hope in the near future. This is not because the answer is difficult or untenable, but rather because we are looking for answers in all the wrong places. If we are to effectively find answers to the rising rates of psychosis, mental illness and all chronic diseases for that matter, we need a paradigm shift. In the modern Western biomedical model, the scientific research is still based on and undergirded by the Cartesian-Newtonian dualistic, linear, and reductionist approach to life. This view “not only presents an inaccurate vision of human existence but also contributes to the disease of modern society.”[7] All research concerning our health must conform to the evidence-based, statistical “scientific” model that highly overlooks the multifactorial nature of causation (instead they focus on linear causation); the interconnectedness of mind, body, and soul (instead they see life through the dualistic Cartesian lens of separation); and the interrelated holistic nature of life (versus the isolation, compartmentalization, and individualization view of modern thinking).[8]

In the 1970s, William Dembski introduced his idea of Intelligent Design in an attempt to intersect science and theology. The Intelligent Design theory relies on scientific research while acknowledging the Divine action and order. He advocated broadening our understanding of scientific evidence to include metaphysical first principles and include thoughts, feelings, relationships, and holistic view of life. His theory demonstrates that reinstating the bridge between science and theology can reinvigorate the ethical stream and promote the flourishing of human life.[9] I believe we can make a difference if we start with even the tiniest step towards re-connecting:

• Re-connecting with our pure uncorrupted, unadulterated soul
• Re-connecting with our Creator
• Re-connecting with our life meaning and purpose
• Re-connecting with our family, community, and society
• Re-connecting with our roots and tradition
• Re-connecting with our earth and all God’s creation

 
Sufis teach that if our life journey “appears to move through time and distance, that is not that we can eventually reach God, since ‘He is with you wherever you are’ but rather ‘so that He can cause [us] to see His signs’ that are always there, ‘on the horizons and within [our] souls,’” those signs that lead us to Him.[10] We need to stop ignoring the signs and stop messing with the precious tool God gave us in order for us to heed those signs.
 

___________________________________________________
[1] Daniel Nettle. Strong Imagination: Madness, Creativity, and Human Nature (Oxford University Press, 2002)
[2] Davis, L. J.  (2013). The Disability Studies Reader. (4th ed.). New York: Routledge.
[3] Kelly Brogan, A Mind of Your Own: The Truth About Depression and How Women Can Heal Their Bodies to Reclaim Their Lives (Harper Wave, 2016) and Craighead, W. Edward. Miklowitz, David J., and Craighead Linda W. Psychopathology: History, Diagnosis, and Empirical Foundations (3rd ed.). Hoboken: Wiley, 2017.
[4] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal (2016). From YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_j5mmBa4mw (accessed October 30, 2017).
[5] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal.
[6] Sebastian Junger, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging (New York: Harpercollins Publishers, 2016).
[7] Epperly, B. G. (2000). Prayer, Process, and the Future of Medicine. Journal of Religion and Health, 39 (1), 23-37.
[8] Ibid
[9] Dembski, W. (1999). Intelligent Design: The Bridge Between Science and Theology. Illinois: InterVarsity Press.
[10] ʿArabī, The Meccan Revelations.

When young adult prisoners’ diet was supplemented with multivitamins, minerals and essential fatty acids, researchers noticed a striking reduction in their anti-social behavior, violence and aggression [1].

When school children with ADHD showing no improvement on standard drug treatment, received essential fatty acids daily for six months, parents reported significant improvement in “restlessness, aggressiveness, completing work, and academic performance”[2].

And, when 95 British middle managers were given dietary supplements to compensate for missing nutrients in their diet, after eight weeks, significant improvement in activity, mood, cognitive and behavioral strain, and stress management was recorded[3].

A closer look at those above examples shows us a staggering pattern that is recurrent in our everyday life: teenager and young adult violence and aggressiveness; school children hyperactivity, restlessness and poor academic performance; and, managers and employees stress, mood disturbance and lack of motivation. No one can deny that those behaviors are complex psychological and social problems that should be addressed from more than one perspective. Yet sometimes, the answer, or at least an important part of it, is closer than we could imagine: Our diet!

More and more studies are pointing at the importance of proper nutrients consumption for mental, social and cognitive behaviors and a simple look at our dinner table show us the damage we are inflecting upon ourselves and our loved ones. Typical modern-day diet is very poor in nutritional value, vitamins, minerals and fibers, yet very high in calories, refined carbohydrates and the wrong types of fats. This diet, studies show, is not only directly related to cardiovascular problems, inflammatory and chronic diseases, but it is also directly related to stress, mood disturbance, irritability, lack of motivation, inappropriate social behaviors, low cognitive performance and poor memory.

Studies show a significant correlation between the type of food we choose to eat and our mental health. Increased consumption of processed and refined foods is linked to anxiety [4]. Low intake of fruits, vegetable, and good quality meat is linked to increased stress levels [5]. Daily consumption of sweets and candy at the age of ten is linked to increased violent behavior in adulthood [6]. Eating junk food at the young age of 4 is associated with hyperactivity and behavior problems in childhood as well as later in life [7]. Omega-3 fatty acids deficiency is linked to depression and dementia, and omega-3 supplements are shown to prevent aggression and hostility, control anger and improve social behavior.

How Does it Work?

To understand the mechanism behind food effect on our mental health and social behavior, bare with me as we take a closer look at our biochemistry and physiological reactions.

Blood sugar level:
When we look at our mood swings, anxiety and irritability, the first culprit that comes to mind is erratic blood sugar level (BSL). Both hypoglycemia (low BSL) and hyperglycemia (high BSL) are detrimental to our health. The first drains our energy and depresses our mood and vitality; the later predisposes us to obesity, diabetes and uncomfortable mood swings.
When our blood sugar is low, our body sends us a signal usually by making us more fidgety, anxious, and stressed or by making us crave sweets and stimulants. Since we are always ‘on the run’, we fetch a quick fix. We resort to a chocolate bar, candy or cake to supply us with the required sugar ‘dose’; we get a cup of coffee, can of coke or smoke a cigarette to give us a boost of adrenaline, the well known fight-and-flight neurotransmitter that raises our BSL.
Eating instant refined sweets, although life saving in some cases, can start a vicious cycle of swinging blood levels of insulin and sugar which further disturbs our mood, increases our stress, and predisposes us to diabetes. Also raising our adrenaline through caffeine or nicotine aggravates our stress and anxiety, and, on the long run, affects our blood pressure, heart, and immunity.

Nutritional needs:
An erratic BSL is not the only mechanism by which out modern diet wrecks havoc with our mental and social health, a diet lacking in many essential nutritional values is another major disruptive mechanism.
Amino acids, the building blocks of protein, are also the building blocks of our neurotransmitters; these are what Candace Pert, the famous neuroscientist, calls ‘molecules of emotion’. From the amino acid tryptophan for instance, serotonin, our mood boosting neurotransmitter, is synthesized. Low serotonin levels are linked to suicidal tendency, depression, violence and aggressive behaviors [8].
The amino acids phenyl alanine and tyrosine are the building blocks for dopamine and nor adrenaline, our motivational and feeling-good neurotransmitters. Dopamine also plays an essential role in controlling the reward and punishment processes in our brain [9]. We need a constant supply of essential amino acids to keep our mood and emotions in check. The right balance, amount and type of the amino acids are determined by the composition and quality of our dietary protein.
B vitamins are other missing essentials. They play an important role in metabolism and nervous system health. They are also directly involved in the synthesis of many neurotransmitters. Besides, vitamin B6 is known to reduce risk and even treat premenstrual depression, and vitamin B12 deficiency is linked to dementia [10].
Omega-3 fatty acids deficiency is linked to depression and dementia[11], and omega-3 supplements are shown to prevent aggression and hostility[12], control anger and improve social behavior[13].
Essential minerals, especially zinc, manganese, chromium, copper and iron also contribute their share. Chromium helps controlling BSL and iron is an important factor in neurotransmitters synthesis [14]. Iron deficiency is linked to depression and depleted energy [15].
Other vitamins are involved in our complex behavioral adjustment. Vitamin C, E and A are essential for nerve cell health, vitamin D deficiency is linked to depression and neurodegenerative diseases and vitamin K plays its role in nervous tissue biochemistry[16].

What Should we Eat?

Research performed in British and US prisons showed that aggressive and anti-social behaviors even in criminals could be corrected, at least in part, through dietary intervention [17]. And, needless to say, the natural and synergistic effects achieved by consuming whole natural food in a balanced diet is far better than administering individual nutrients in capsules and pills.
For an optimum performance and optimum state of mind, we need first and foremost to balance our BSL.
The safest and most effective way to do that is balancing our diet quality, quantity and timing.

• We need to eat healthy diet with whole grains, lots of fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, and legumes.
• Choose high quality lean animal protein and remember that a little goes a long way; these are great compact protein source, so you do not need much.
• Eat fish at least once or twice a week and consume 1-2 tablespoons of flaxseeds or chia seeds daily to supply your need for omega-3 fatty acids.
• Eating balanced healthy three meals a day with two snacks in between supply us with the needed energy and nutrients to sustain our health and adjust our mood.
• Don’t skip meals and don’t forget your salad bowl along with your lunch and dinner.
• Take your time, enjoy the setting and feast your eyes before your palate.
• Avoid refined carbohydrates, simple sugars, over processed goods, energy drinks and caffeine.
• Reduce your intake of food with high Glycemic Index and avoid all foods with added preservatives, colors or flavors.
• Do not consume Trans-fats, the un-natural fat found in margarine and fried foods.

Talbinah: Our Traditional Soothing Food
Traditional Books of Prophetic medicine talked about one of our best mood soothing foods: Talbinah. Talbinah is a thin barley soup made with barley flour and adjusted to a milky consistency (and hence its name Talbinah, from the Arabic word, laban– meaning milk). It could be sweetened with honey or served as savory soup with added spices. Aisha, The Prophet's wife, narrated, “If any of the Messenger’s family became ill, the Messenger would recommend Talbinah to be prepared. He says: ‘It soothes the grief and cleanses the ailing heart just as one of you cleans dirt off her face with water.’ “(Related by Ibn Maajah). Recent studies on the effect of Talbinah showed its significant effect in boosting mental health, relieving depression and anxiety and balancing the mood [18].




References:
[1] Gesch, B. et. Al. (2002). Influence of supplementary vitamins, minerals and essential fatty acids on the antisocial behaviour of young adult prisoners Randomised, placebo-controlled trial. The British Journal of Psychiatry . 181: 22-28

[2] Perera, H. et. Al. (2012). Combined ω3 and ω6 Supplementation in Children With Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Refractory to Methylphenidate Treatment A Double-Blind, Placebo-Controlled Study. J Child Neurol: vol. 27 no. 6 747-753

[3] Ussher, J. (1995). The relationship between health related quality of life and dietary supplementation in British middle managers: A double blind placebo controlled study. Psychology & Health Volume 10, Issue 2

[4] Bakhtiyari, M.et. al. (2013). Anxiety as a consequence of modern dietary pattern in adults in Tehran-Iran. Eat Behav.: 14(2):107-12.

[5] Roohafza, H. et. Al. (2013). The association between stress levels and food consumption among Iranian population. Arch Iran Med. 2013 Mar;16(3):145-8.

[6] Moore, S., Carter, L. & van Gooze, S. (2009). Confectionery consumption in childhood and adult violence. The British Journal of Psychiatry:195: 366-367

[7] Wiles, N.J., Northstone, K., Emmett, P. & Lewis, G. (2009). ‘Junk food’ diet and childhood behavioural problems: results from the ALSPAC cohort. Eur J Clin Nutr. 2009 Apr;63(4):491-8.

[8] Lawrence, F. (2006).

[9] Lawrence, F. (2006).

[10] Bourre,  J. M. (2006). Effects of nutrients (in food) on the structure and function of the nervous system: update on dietary requirements for brain. Part 1: micronutrients. J. Nutr Health Aging. ;10(5):377-85.

[11] Bourre J.M. (2004). The role of nutritional factors on the structure and function of the brain: an update on dietary requirements. Rev Neurol. ;160(8-9):767-92

[12] Hibbeln, J. R., Ferguson, T. A. & Blasbalg, T. L. (2006). Omega-3 fatty acid deficiencies in neurodevelopment, aggression and autonomic dysregulation: Opportunities for intervention.  Int Rev Psychiatry. Vol. 18, No. 2: 107-118.

[13] Lawrence, F. (2006). Omega-3, junk food and the link between violence and what we eat. Retrieved from: The Guardian, http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2006/oct/17/prisonsandprobation.ukcrime

[14] Bourre, 2004

[15] Bourre,2006

[16] Bourre,2006

[17] Lawrence, (2006).

[18] Badrasawi, M.M., Shahar, S., Manaf, Z.A., Haron, H. (2013). Effect of Talbinah food consumption on depressive symptoms among elderly individuals in long term care facilities, randomized clinical trial. Clin Interv Aging. 2013;8:279-85.

Our brain is the most complicated organ in the universe. It is estimated that we have more synaptic connections between our brain cells than there are stars in the skies.
 
Yet, do we take proper care of this valuable asset of ours?
 
Depression, anxiety, brain fog, dementia, mood swings, phobias, ADD and loads of other mental and psychological complaints and illnesses became so common…We've become experts at labelling our conditions, yet we've failed miserably at healing them…
 
Here is a scenario I see so often… a story of everyday life: Michelle is stressed, tired, and depleted. As soon as she wakes up, she turns on the autopilot mode and rides the hamster wheel. Between her husband, her house, her kids and her work, she does not have the time to feed her body needless to say her heart and soul. She eats on the go, mainly processed carbs and sweets. She has no time to exercise, no time for social support, hobbies or leisure. Her pastime is watching the depressing news or chatting on Facebook. She bottles up her frustration and anger and swallows her pains with her morning and afternoon coffees.

No wonder her cholesterol levels shoot up. Her doctor puts her on statin. No one mentioned the side effects… her cholesterol levels become normal, but her energy goes down the drain, brain fog, fatigue, low libido and poor fat digestion… For her heartburn, an antacid was added… Again, no one mentioned any side effects. With no acid in her stomach, protein digestion and absorption became compromised. Proteins are essential to build the neurotransmitters, those magic molecules Dr. Candace Pert calls ‘molecules of emotions’… Another prescription was now essential, an antidepressant for her low mood, poor motivation and foggy brain…
 
It is my firm belief that our body and mind have a tremendous ability of heal, we just have to give them what they need… we need to properly feed our body, mind, heart and soul. Today, I will focus on my 7 essential rules of feeding your body so that you can heal your mind:


1. One-man food is another man’s poison.
I meet people with food intolerances and sensitivities everyday in my practice. You need to listen to your body: Is there any specific food that eating it makes you feel tired, depleted, anxious, irritable, moody, or makes your brain foggy? The best way to find out is to go on a well-designed elimination diet while closely monitoring your symptoms.
2. Skip that doughnut.
Refined sugars and carbs throw your blood sugar level out of balance which not only increases your risk of diabetes and heart disease, but also pumps up your fight and flight response, increases inflammation and messes up your hormones. Alzheimer's disease is now known among nutritionists as type III diabetes. Depression, anxiety and ADD have well-established links with increased refined sugar consumption. To balance your blood sugar level, you need to choose whole unprocessed grains and carbs and fiber-rich foods; you also need to eat on regular interval and include some form of protein with every meal and snack (egg, nuts, seeds, lean chicken, turkey, fish and veal are good choices).
3. We’re basically ‘fatheads’.
60% of the solid brain mass is fat… But not any kind of fat. Your choice of fat is essential for your brain health. Good choices are olive oil, coconut oil, avocadoes, nuts, seeds and fatty fish.
4. Water is the essence of life.
70% of our cells is water. I have seen cases of serious fatigue and brain fog resolve by simply hydrating properly. Make sure you drink at least 8 cups of water daily.
5. Your ‘emotions’ are made from protein.
Serotonin, dopamine and nor-epinephrine are your brain neurotransmitters. Dr. Candace Pert calls them ‘molecules of emotions’ as they are the ones responsible for your feelings of happiness, wellbeing, uplifted mood, focus, and motivation… Another close relative, melatonin, regulates your sleep cycle and heals brain cells while you sleep.
Those neurotransmitters are made from protein, or more specifically from amino acids found in high quality protein.
6. Turn off the furnace.
As we live in a highly polluted world and we are leading a pretty stressful life we set on an inflammation process in our cells. This low-grade chronic inflammation is like a low heat furnace that is cooking our cells at a very slow yet efficient pace. We need to turn this furnace off. The best way to do that is by integrating anti-inflammatory herbs and spices in your every day diet. Spices like turmeric and ginger are amazing anti-inflammatory. Other great choices are green leafy vegetables and colored fruits and veggies like berries, red bell pepper, pumpkins, and carrots…
7. Give your liver a boost.
Your liver is the primary detoxifying organ in your body and since the brain is highly susceptible to toxins, supporting liver detoxification is an essential tool in brain protection. Foods that boost liver detoxification are cruciferous vegetables (cauliflower, cabbage, kale, collard, broccoli…), artichoke, burdock root, green leafy vegetables and spices like turmeric and ginger.
 
Data shows that the rate of antidepressant use in US increased by almost 400% between the late 90s and early 2000s.[1]
 
No one of us want to be among those statistics… do we?
 
It’s time to move forward… it is time to take back responsibility of your own health…
 
Finally, it is essential to note here that to achieve mental and emotional health, you need to look at all of You: Body, Mind, Heart & Soul. Yes, you need to fix your diet and make better food choices, but you also need to dig deeper into your heart and soul, to listen to your Body Whispers and to reclaim your responsibility over your health and your life…
 
Let today be the beginning of your health and happiness journey.

     Between 1987 and 2002, 67.5 million antidepressant prescriptions were written in the U.S.; this accounts for almost quarter of the U.S. population. Many of the people taking the medication might, in fact, need it, but do they all? And, are they offered any other alternatives? In the late 1980s, early 1990s, Japanese strictly resisted the use of anti-depressants that Eli Lilly decided against selling Prozac in Japan. By early 2000s, however, Japan became a massive market for anti-depressants after removing what Bradley calls “cultural obstacles.”[1] All it took was few years to ‘educate’ people about the importance of those medications in their life. Huge financial investments, media shaping public view, and continued medical education funded by pharmaceutical companies are clear conflict of interest that most people tend to ignore. All those facts make me question who is really benefiting from Bell’s Let’s Talk initiative? It is a double edge sword, removing the stigma by ‘normalizing’ mental illness is a good intention, yet are we offered any alternative, other than the biomedical model?
​
     Junger, in his book Tribe, notes how history has never witnessed such high rates of depression and mental illness. As opposed to the traditional tribal culture where everyone is involved in a meaningful community role and purpose, modern Western culture, he adds, and I totally agree, makes us feel un-necessary and unimportant, which is one of the main reasons behind modern-day affective disorders.[2] Dr. Gabor Maté sees that a person with schizophrenia in a tribal culture holds a better chance of survival and well being than one following the Western medical model.[3] Our view on mental illness cannot be removed from the person’s context and culture. Our Western materialistic society focuses on achievements and possessions cutting off emotional, social, and spiritual needs, which, according to Maté, separates us from ourselves and paves the road for pathology.[4] Loneliness, is radically different from solitude. Loneliness is not about being alone; it is rather about the lack of belonging and the feeling of unworthiness. Belonging is a stepping-stone to our independence, freedom, and maturity.[5] Our self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth are major components of how we perceive and interact with our surrounding. And, this self-worth is defined within the context of the whole community.

       Taking a closer look at Western Muslim community, one notices the oppression, cultural stigma, and social isolation enforced upon people living with mental illness.[6] Attributing pathology to lack of faith is a way of blaming the victims for their own affliction. Sometimes, society could be more coercive towards people with disability than their physiological or physical limitation.[7] Initiatives working at eliminating social barriers and stigmas are so much welcome, they will allow disabled people to better integrate into the society and assume better responsibility for their own life.[8] But, are they truly authentic?

      Foucault, the famous French philosopher and social theorist, argues that coercion is no longer a direct phenomenon; it is rather a series of subtle disciplinary practices,[9] which gently causes the oppressed to internalize their own oppression. People start to discipline their own actions to comply with the ‘norm’ whatever the coercive power defines as ‘norm.’ The process happens in such a subtle way that most people do not even notice they are changing (like the Japanese cultural change discussed earlier). The hegemony of normalcy becomes a tyranny enforced by media ads, movies, novels, and the like.[10] In a way, eugenic practices are still applied to date albeit in a much subtle and ‘socially acceptable’ methodology. The most affected are people “located at the intersections of difference.”[11] Without realizing it, this difference, or ‘deviation from the norm’ becomes their identity. Replacing normalcy by ‘diversity,’ as the new trend is going here in Canada, does not quite solve the dilemma of mental illness discrimination either. In an open global economy where consumerism and lifestyle define one’s identity, the diversity picture does not make room for non-consumer mentally or physically disabled individuals.[12] 
​
       If we are to tackle the mental illness issue, we need to go beyond the psychiatric, genetic, biomedical, and even psychotherapeutic models, taking societal, cultural, intersectional, political, spiritual/religious, economic, and historical sides into account. We need to find alternatives and collectively work at raising human awareness.


[1] Bradley Lewis, Depression: Integrating Science, Culture, and Humanities (New York: Routledge, 2012), 73.

[2] Sebastian Junger, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging (New York: Harpercollins Publishers, 2016), 10.

[3] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal (2016). From YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_j5mmBa4mw (accessed October 30, 2017).

[4] Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal.

[5] Jean Vanier, Becoming Human, (Toronto: House of Anansi Press, 2010), 35.

[6] Sima Barmania,“Islam and depression,” The Lancet 4 (2017): 669.

[7] Tom Shakespeare, “The Social Model of Disability.”

[8] Mohammed Ghaly, “Disability in the Islamic Tradition,” Religion Compass 10, no. 6 (2016): 150.

[9] Michel Foucault, “Docile bodies” in Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison. (Vintage Books, New York, NY, 1979).

[10] Lennard J. Davis, “Introduction: Normality, Power, and Culture,” 10.

[11] Nirmala Erevelles and Andrea Minear, "Unspeakable Offenses,” 359.

[12] Lennard J. Davis, The End of Normal: Identity in a Biocultural Era (Michigan: University of Michigan Press, 2014), 1-14.

2017 was a huge learning curve for me. Besides my Master's studies I read tons of books. And, as many of  you requested, here is my list of the best 15 books I read in 2017 (in no specific order): 
​

​1. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction- by Gabor Mate.
This is the best book I’ve read describing addiction, and the meaning, implications and approaches to healing. Yet, don’t be fooled by the name, this book showed me how, in a way, we’re all addicts. We’re all trying to fill this emptiness inside us and everyone has his/her personal way of doing that.

​2. Cultivating Wholeness: A Guide to Care and Counselling in Faith Communities by Margaret Kornfeld. 
Although written for Christian faith communities, it is still extremely valuable for all communities. This book is a valuable asset for spiritual leaders and community builders.

3. Collective Narrative Practice: Responding to individuals, groups, and communities who have experienced trauma - by David Denborough. 

This book shows how our stories can heal us. It is about finding meaning in our challenges, a meaning that can not only help us but also extend beyond that to help the world at large. If you are a care provider, community leader or therapist who work in group coaching and counselling, this book is a great tool to add to your practice.

4. Love & Happiness: A collection of personal reflections and quotes by Yasmin Mogahed. 

Easy read, poetic, very deep and wise thoughts, as expected! I absolutely love it! It is an everyday companion in an ever challenging world.

5. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems by Daniel G. Amen.

​The book offers new holistic approach to Mental Illness. Although the author advocates brain scanning so much (which I am not really sure about), yet the book still holds valuable information about how brain works, what goes wrong and how to fix it in a holistic approach. One of the best I have seen especially that it comes from a well-known psychiatrist. 

​6. Expert Secrets: The Underground Playbook for Finding Your Message, Building a Tribe, and Changing the World by Russell Brunson.

​Great information for those of you who want to build an online community and market your online courses in a non-salesy way.

​7. How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings from a Leading Neuroscientist by Andrew Newberg and‎ Mark Robert Waldman.

The authors show how the brain actually changes when we experience the Divine or the transcendent reality. The authors give scientifically proven tools to broaden this awareness and live in a more connected way.

​8. Revive Your Heart: Putting Life in Perspective by Nouman Ali Khan.

​Amazing lessons from the Qur’an written in Nouman Ali Khan's captivating interesting way. 

​9. Strong Imagination: Madness, Creativity, and Human Nature by Daniel Nettle.

This is a fairly old book, yet it offers radical view to mental illness, truly fascinating.

​10. First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety by Sarah Wilson.

The best book I have ever read about anxiety, depression, and OCD, a captivating memoire that highlights the struggle and the way to thrive with a ‘beast’ that the author finally decided to stop fighting and make it beautiful instead

11. The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt.

​Haidt compares the human mind to a rider (conscious, analytical mind) on the back of an elephant (subconscious beliefs, drives, and perceptions). Regardless of how much will power the rider has, he cannot move the elephant against its will. We need to learn how to “tame the elephant” which what the book is all about.

12. Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath.

​Beautifully written book, good read for anyone who wants to make change whether on the personal, professional, or community levels.

​13. Alchemy of Herbs: Transform Everyday Ingredients into Foods and Remedies That Heal by Rosalee de la Foret.

I love Rosalee’s teaching, her approach to herbs is so natural showing how to integrate them in everyday life and how to choose the ones that suits your body  need and your temperament.

​14. Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur by Derek Sivers.

​Best business book ever!  Feels like Sivers wrote it especially for an introvert like myself who find it very hard to embrace all the ‘have-to’ stated by modern-day business gurus. Derek’s rule is simple: Do anything you want!

​15. And, of course, I can’t end the list without my own book in its newly designed cover: Body Whispers: Unraveling the Emotional & Spiritual Root of Illness and Restoring Energy & Vitality. 

​If you did not get it yet, check out what it is all about here. The information in there are truly life changing... 

In the past month alone I had more than 20 clients and students approaching me regarding their anxiety issues…
The DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) lists more than 30 different disorders under anxiety… Yet, if you dig at the core of it, no one really knows what anxiety is and where it comes from…
 
Anxiety is very individualized condition. It comes in various shapes and forms, different severity and intensity. It carries different pains and signs and poses varying challenges for its sufferers.
 
New studies link anxiety to autoimmune disease, Hashimoto Thyroiditis being a common one I see in my practice… Yet, is it a cause or an effect of the autoimmune disease… No one knows for sure. What we know is that anxiety increases inflammatory markers in the body and the inflammatory markers in their turn increase anxiety- creating a viscous cycle. Turning on the furnace in our cells turns it on in our brain… Does this contribute to the onset of autoimmune disease? I believe so.
 
I have my own theory about anxiety, though. (I have my own theory about pretty much everything in my life I guess). I see the tendency to be anxious as a special personality trait… it is part of our character… in our genes… it is part of who we are…
 
People who are prone to anxiety are usually the over-achievers. Those who care and carry on with life on a full drive mode… They are the creative type, with a mind loaded with ideas, thoughts, plans and lists… a mind like a super World Wide Web firing in all directions ALL THE TIME!
I know… because this is how my mind feels like… And, this is totally fine… This is who I am and it is perfectly ‘normal’… my ‘normal’…
 
Who defines ‘normal’ anyway?
Who decides what ‘normal’ is or isn’t?
 
We’re all different and this is part of our charm. We complete and complement each other…
 
Anxiety-prone people are idea generators. We’re experts at connecting the dots, at seeing patterns in the randomness of chaos… We’re there to charge, drive and achieve… We’re here to move stagnated waters and shake sluggish sloth…
But, we can overdo it at times… We can burn the candle at both ends… We can scorch ourselves alive… we can keep running and running till we run out of breath… we can keep spinning on the hamster wheel till the wheel is ablaze…
So, our body sends us a signal… a Whisper to remind us that we need to slow down … This Whisper is our anxiety…
I see anxiety as a gentle (or may be not so gentle at times) warning sign sent our way to tell us that we’re over doing it… over thinking, over acting, over working… We need to slow down… slow down the pace of our life and the pace of our thoughts… we need to close those pop-up windows that keep surfacing out of no where and jamming our mental screen.
We need to slow down this crazy chatter and endless clutter of to-dos, ideas, information, worry and fears… 

​The best way of slowing down is meditation. I won’t list here the science behind it and the endless proofs of the positive effects of meditation on your health… The main thing is that it works. It has been proven time and time again that it does work. And, this is what matters.
 
There is no right or wrong way of meditating… The main idea is to sit in this silent space… And, with every exhalation, gently push away any surfacing pop-ups … let them float away like fluffy clouds…
 
Some people find it easier to focus on their breath; others choose a word or a phrase to focus on, be it an affirmation or a religious reminder of the Divine Names and Attributes… a name or attribute that you need to embody now in your life. Others choose a simple word that they need to live by like peace, love or let go… Again, it doesn’t really matter… What matters is carving the time in our busy hectic schedule to actually meditate EVERYDAY…
 
It is okay if you find yourself unable to calm down the chatter or turn off the pop-ups… it is totally fine… just sit with it and keep breathing… You’ll get there. 

I have been asked a lot: “What does it mean to generate happiness?”, “Do we truly have that choice?”…
Clients have told me again and again: “But, you don’t know what I am going through”… “May be it works for others but it is not possible for ‘Me”… “It may have worked for you, but my husband has a real bad temper”… “but my kids are so out of control”… “but I am in so much debt”… “but I have [insert name of disease here]”… The best answer for those statements is the title of Sean Stephenson brilliant book: “Get off your But!”
 
I don’t mean to be offensive to anyone here and I certainly do not under estimate the seriousness of what you are going through… Believe me, in my profession I have seen it all… And, I have also seen some amazing heroes and heroines who are going though sooooo much challenges and yet manage to find peace in their heart and happiness in their life…
​
It takes some effort to lift this depressive fog and you have to be willing to do the work… you might feel totally overwhelmed, depleted and have zero motivation to lift a finger… yet, you need to KEEP GOING! You need to keep taking those tiny steps forward EVERYDAY… no matter how you feel…
 
In Cognitive Behaviour therapy, it is believed that negative feelings are the result of negative thinking. Dr. Daniel Amen calls them ANTs - Automatic Negative Thoughts. You find yourself falling into an abyss of  “I am worthless”,  “I am good at nothing”, “I am a failure”, “What’s the point of trying”, “there is no use”… and the list goes on and on… Those ANTs creep into your mind and start generating their ‘stinging’ feelings. You become depressed, overwhelmed, hopeless, angry, frustrated…
And, in their turn those negative feelings generate self-defeating behaviours. You stay in bed longer, avoid friends and social gatherings, procrastinate… You are un-able and un-willing to work on your life and dreams - even if you love those dreams, you just can’t see the point of moving forward.

Depression is a vicious cycle and willing yourself out of it only causes you to sink deeper and deeper into your gloomy mood.
 
So, What can you do?
 
To change the depressing feelings, you need to change the two other components of the cycle:
- Your thinking pattern (your cognition)
- Your actions (your behavior)
 
Changing your thinking pattern:

1. Catch the ANTs
2. Stare them in the face
3. Talk back to them

 
Seriously! Start monitoring your trail of thinking. Whenever you catch yourself slipping into negative thinking pattern catch that ANT and quickly stick it in your journal. Write down exactly what that negative thought pattern was. What were you saying to yourself?
Notice here that I am asking you to catch the ANTs not the feelings. Let’s say your kid behave badly at school or came back with bad grades… Your ANTs start creeping in: “I did not do a good job”, “It is totally my fault”, “I am a failure, how can I be a good mother if my kid has such bad grades”, “I am worthless, I should have stayed with him instead of going to that stupid gym”, “He will never achieve anything in his life and it will all be my fault” … Those are the ANTs… if you let them, they will generate their stinging feelings: “I feel like crap”, “I am so down”,  “I feel like crying”…
We’re after the ANTs now, because we can actually do something about those ANTs:
Stare them in the face and talk back to them.
 
Look at what you wrote in your journal and reflect about it… Can you challenge those thoughts?
“I am a failure” – We call this generalization. Are you really a total failure? Are you failing all the time in everything you do? I am sure you are not.
Now that you stared them in the face, start talking back to them. “I may be in need to spend some more time with him, but I am still a good mother. I take good care of my kids.” “he may have failed this test, but there is a lot of room for improvement and he can certainly make it up if we start working on it”… “I may have needed some time for myself in the gym, but this does not mean I don’t give my kids enough attention, may be I need to manage my time differently, but I am definitely not worthless”…
 
See where we’re going here? This exercise might seem so simple and straightforward. You might even think, what’s the point? I know this stuff anyway. But, knowing is totally different from applying. Writing those ANTs down and talking back to them makes you able to catch even more and more ANTs that might be creeping their way into your mind un-noticed. It also help you “develop more objectivity” as Dr. David Burns explains. You will eventually stop taking those thoughts so seriously and start looking at them with a much realistic eye.
 
 
Changing your actions:
This is the tough part. When we fall into depression we basically experience motivation paralysis. We just want to sit there and do nothing. We feel hopeless, helpless and totally drained. Right?

So how can I ask you to start doing stuff?
It’s the old paradox of who came first, the egg or the chicken…

Movement, action and tiny achievement generate motivation.
Yet, we need motivation to start moving, doing action and make some achievements.

The not-very-pretty-truth is: you have to start moving! Any micro movement will start the wheel spinning. Don’t think about big goals or great achievements… don’t fret about those dirty plates in the sink and the over flowing laundry basket… I will get up and wash 1 plate. I know, this sounds ridiculous. What will 1 plate do? It will start the wheel spinning… believe me… I’ve been there. Just one plate, 1 washing machine load, 1 reply to 1 email, printing 1 file, writing just the title of that 1 report, reading 1 page of that text book… 1 tiny step. If you still can’t do it, think about an even tinier one… For some clients of mine, just getting out of bed and washing their face was an achievement that was worthy of celebration… it started the wheel spinning and eventually they lifted that fog.
 
So here you have it the main 2 steps to lift you off a depressing mood…

1. Catch the ANTs and talk back to them
2. Keep the wheel spinning

 
We’ll talk more about generating happiness in future blog… Meanwhile, I’ll leave you now to start catching some ANTs.
 
Have a great day

Do you know that you can protect your brain with simple diet and lifestyle changes? 

 January is Alzheimer Awareness month... ​

In 1997, 678 nuns participated in a study for mental power and function at old age. One nun’s story stood out, Sister Mary.

Sister Mary taught thousands of students during a career that spanned over nearly 70 years. When she retired from the classroom at age 84, she continued her mission as an educator until her death 17 years later. “In her "retirement" she continued to be active in her community and concerned about world events. She was an avid reader and was often seen poring over newspapers and books with her magnifying glass.” During her last functional assessment at the age of 101, sister Mary was mentally alert, aware and her memory, reasoning and knowledge were perfectly intact.

But, this is not the most important finding of the study. The most fascinating thing was sister Mary's brain scan. When scientists scanned her brain after she passed away, the scan showed the presence of lots of Alzheimer's lesions. Sister Mary’s brain actually had all manifestation of an Alzheimer’s patient brain, yet she showed no degenerative symptoms at all. She lived to a very ripe age with perfectly intact brain function, good memory, excellent orientation to her surroundings and awareness of current events.

Sister Mary was different from the rest of the nuns. She had a mission, a life meaning, and a passion. She remained passionate learner. She continued to be active in her community till her last days in life. She was known for her joyful spirit and laugh that boomed out of her room at all hours of the day and night.
Were these the characteristics that saved her brain? Scientists truly believe so.

​When we talk chronic degenerative diseases, prevention is always better that treatment. Alzheimer is now known as type III diabetes. It is a case of brain starvation where brain cells are unable to use glucose efficiently to generate the energy they need. This results in gradual brain degeneration.

Scientists believe that Alzheimer can be avoided years before it starts by balancing blood sugar levels, avoiding refined sugars and integrating healthy anti-inflammatory, brain boosting herbs and spices into our diet. Five herbs stand out here:

1. Sage
2. Rosemary
3. Turmeric
4. Ginger
5. Gotu kola

These herbs are available in most supermarket and health food stores. You easily Integrate them into your daily diet as teas, food spice, salad dressing, curry sauce or meat marinades.

Coconut oil is another amazing addition to your diet. Try integrating it into your daily recipes. It is great in cooking, baking, sandwich spread instead of butter, salad dressing mixed with olive oil and your favorite herbs… Studies show that the medium chain fatty acid content of coconut oil provides brain cells with the needed energy when they lost their ability to use glucose efficiently.