Category:

Sweet "Motherland"... Let me Catch my Breath!

16/1/2023

When I was a young kid, my friends and I played our little version of hide & seek, it was called Ummah - which can be loosely translated as “Motherland.” In our version of the game, all players had to run, hide, and seek to catch one another - it was all chaotic and random, everybody is running, everybody is seeking, everybody is on high alert. Then, if you become really tired , you are allowed to go to this one designated area, the Motherland, where you can be safe for a tiny moment to catch your breath. No one is allowed to touch you there. But, you can’t stay in the Motherland more than just one minute, after which you have to re-join the crazy frantic rushing and running.

This is exactly how most of the weeks feel like - a running and catching game until the weekend, the Motherland, when we can catch a quick breath. And, before we know it, we have to re-join the grind… running, rushing, catching, and seeking.

It is this Duck again… running and rushing anxious and frantic…

Sigh.

On Letting Go...

20/11/2022

Every year, since I first came to Canada, I become fascinated by the sight of the bright colored tulips sprouting every spring. I learned that you plant the bulbs in October and they remain dormant during fall and winter until they miraculously bloom with the first signs of spring.

Back then, I bought some tulip bulbs – I decided to plant them in my garden. But, for some reason, year after year, I kept missing this narrow planting window. For some reason, every fall, my life got entangled in so much mess that I kept postponing my planting project waiting for the “perfect time” – "Maybe next year", I kept telling myself. I carried those bulbs with me as I moved from one house to another, from one city to another, still waiting for “the perfect time” to lay them in the ground. Finally, this fall, I decided not to wait any longer- plant them I will. So, I got the bulbs out of the storage box, prepared the ground, opened the bag, and lo and behold, here they were… all rotten!

It was such an aha moment. I laughed so hard. Here I was, carrying along a bag of rotten bulbs for years waiting for the “perfect moment – perfect life… perfect time… perfect place...
I wondered what other “rotten stuff” have I been carrying along? What other rotten memories… beliefs… ideas… illusions… dreams… have I been allowing into my life hoping that one day something good will come out of them?
What other rotten layers of my life was I refusing to shed… to let go of once and for all?
I finally threw away the old rotten bulbs and bought fresh new ones. This time, I didn’t wait for the perfect time and place. I didn’t wait for the best weather or best practices… I dug in the dirt and laid them with total faith that beautiful colorful tulips will emerge under my windowsill in the spring, God willing!

“If you become addicted to looking back,
Half your life will be spent in distraction
And the other half in regret.
You can live better than that!
Find happier friends.” Rumi

“If you stop reading from your own small view,
The phoenix will grant kingdoms then to you!” Rumi

Body Whispers: Neck problems

Neck problems are related to flexibility. This is your fifth chakra: your ability to find your authentic voice and use it in a good cause, yet, it is also about learning to align this newly found will with the Divine will. Learning to trust: when do you need to keep pushing and when do you need to let go - not out of helplessness or despair but out of faith and trust.

Ask yourself:

what is keeping me from moving forward, from moving on with my life?
Do I feel stuck? Why? What is holding me back? What “rotten stuff” am I refusing to let go of?
What other sides of the story am I stubbornly unable or unwilling to consider?

Mind the Duck

4/10/2022

The aftermath of the pandemic with all the fears and uncertainty it created left us with many challenges and many balls to juggle. Many of us are struggling to pay the bills, make ends meet, care for loved ones, and care for ourselves… And, as we are caught up in this daily grind, we’re also caught in what Rumi calls an eagerness/ urgency mentality that drives us to keep running and pushing and striving further and further.

Rumi calls this human disposition “the Duck of Eagerness” بطة الحرص and warns us that if we leave this Duck roaming around freely, it will take over our life turning the good qualities of eagerness and urgency into an extreme of greed and anxiety.

Here is how he describes this Duck:

The Duck is eagerness, for his bill is always in the ground
Looking for what is buried in abundance or scarcity
His gullet doesn’t stop for a single moment;
The only command he is willing to hear from God is “Eat!”
He is like a thief breaking into a house
And very quickly filling his bag
Cramming in it what is worthy and what is worthless
Pearls and chickpeas alike
He sees his time as limited
and opportunities scarce.
Fear overwhelms him
So he puts everything under his armpit in haste.

But, a true believer - filled with trust-
Conducts his affairs in leisurely manner.
He feels safe
He knows that he won’t miss anything;
And he feels secure from other competitors,
As he perceived the King’s justice.
No wonder he doesn’t hurry
He is calm
At peace that his appointed fortune won’t miss him
Hence he has deliberation, patience, and forbearance
He is content, altruistic, and pure at heart.

Rumi describes this Duck Disposition as greed; and advises us:
“The shackles of greed, on your hands and neck now break
New fortune then, from heaven you can take.”

To be honest, I never thought of eagerness as greed. In our fast-paced world, eagerness, urgency and haste are considered as positive qualities. But, looking more closely, the Duck Disposition generates a scarcity mentality, a fear-based attitude, a FOMO exaggerated by the endless social media posts and flashy ads. We end up insecure, impatient, overwhelmed, feeling unsafe and unsettled, running around, missing all the daily beauty and joys sent our way.

It is time mind the duck! Don’t let it take over your life…

Traditional Wisdom of the month

Rumi gives the simile:

“an armed frightened horseman rode ahead
Into a forest on a thoroughbred.
An archer standing there saw him and drew
His bow in fear, not knowing what to do.
He aimed to shoot, the rider shouted out:
‘I’m weak - don’t let my huge frame make you doubt!”

Rumi then explains:

“Your weapons are your trickery and plots-
They’ve wounded your own soul by taking shots.
Since from those tricks you’ve gained naught in the end,
Abandon them, so God good luck might send!”

Sometimes we hold on to our anxieties and fears unconsciously imagining that they are the shield and weapons that keep us safe, keep us in control, not realizing that they are doing us more harm than good.

As Elizabeth Gilbert puts it, “you are afraid to surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control, all you had was anxiety.”

Our fears and anxiety, our Duck Disposition are the weapons that we desperately hold on to as they give us the illusion that we are in control. But, those “weapons” are in fact what is shielding us from a joyful, peaceful life.

What are your weapons and shields that give you the illusion that you are in control?
What is your Duck busy snatching, missing the beauty and harmony of its surrounding?
How can you mind the Duck?

Body Whisper: Chronic Fatigue & Fibromyalgia

It Is Written In the Sands

22/6/2022

There is an old Sufi tale about a Stream that flowed freely for years. It is said that he began his journey from up there in the mountains far far away… He passed through hilltops and lowlands… He survived ditches and travelled plains … until one day, he reached the desert.

The Stream has been through a lot on his journey and was certain that he can pull through this one too. So, he tried and tried; and the more he tried to cross the desert, the faster he kept sinking into its Sands… the Stream’s waters were disappearing and the Stream was gradually fading away.

Yet, he knew that he was meant to cross the desert… but, he had no idea how… And, he began to wonder why… Why was he facing such a hard task? Why can’t he just continue flowing as he used to? This is when the Stream heard a gentle subtle voice that seems to come from afar … the voice whispered: “the Wind crosses the desert, so can you.”
“But, the Wind can fly,” replied the Stream, “it can flow over those harsh arid Sands that keep sucking the life out of me.”
“Maybe you’re pushing too hard,” whispered the voice, “maybe you need to let go… Let go of your old ways of flowing… your old ways of knowing.”
“But, are there other ways of flowing… other ways of knowing?” Wondered the Stream.
“If you just allow yourself to be absorbed in the Wind, it can happily carry you to wherever you are meant to be.”
The Stream fiercely objected, “absorbed in the Wind? But, I will no longer be a Stream. What will I be? Who will I be if I let myself be absorbed in the Wind?”

“And, what will you be? Who will you be? If you do not?” Answered the voice. “If you keep pushing against the harshness of the Sands, you’ll soon be absorbed away or turned into a swampland.”

It was a hard choice to make… After all, the Stream only knew one way of flowing… one way of knowing. All his life, he has been flowing in his old familiar way… he has been knowing in his old knowable way... he was free, or so, he thought… he had never relinquished his control before… had never been absorbed before… “Will I stay me? Will I stay the Stream?”

“The Wind has been carrying the waters from the streams for years and years… it carries them to wherever they are meant to be”

“How do I know that this is true?”

“You need to trust. You need to believe.”

“But, will I remain the same Stream that I am today?”

“Your essence will never change… whether you become a new stream, a lake, or a river… whether you choose to sink in the Sands or turn into swamp or marsh... you are and will always remain you… your secret… your most essential you.”

The Stream was more confused than ever… So many questions needed to be asked. But, the answer did not come from the faraway whispers this time, the answer came from deep within. The Stream vaguely remembered once upon a time far faraway when he was held by the caring Wind… it felt safe… it felt true… or, did it?

And, the Stream allowed his waters to be absorbed in the Wind… and, the Wind gently carried the waters to the mountaintops far faraway. The Stream was watching and learning... He was flowing like he had never flown before… He was knowing like he had never known before...
The Stream still did not know where the Wind is carrying him… And, he still did not know what or how he’ll end up being… But, it felt true… it felt real… it felt safe. The Stream somehow knew that he still was and will always remain the Stream that he had always been and he also knew that he no longer was and will never remain the Stream he had ever been.

And, on his journey up to the mountaintops, he heard the familiar gentle voice whisper again, “We have always known, because we see it happen all the time."
And, this is why it is said that the journey of your Stream of Life is written in the Sands.

_______________
Ref. Tales of the Dervishes by Idris Shah

Did I really forgive?

18/5/2022

Forgiveness is an elusive concept. You think you’ve already forgiven and put the past behind you only to find the ugly face of anger, rancor, and hurt suddenly peek through the curtains of your life out of nowhere disturbing your peace and scaring the heck out of you.
Caroline Myss says, “the capacity to forgive is nothing less than the acceptance of a higher principle of Divine justice rather than earthly justice, as the organizing element behind the events of your life.” Forgiveness, she adds, “requires you to surrender your ego’s need to have life fall into place around your personal version of justice.”
No wonder forgiveness is so hard. It does not follow any logic or reason. Trying to rationalize it could be ultimately frustrating because we are applying our humanly limited version of logic in a futile attempt to manage our fears and pains. We are trying to control the chaos of our life, or rather what we perceive as chaos and randomness.
We will never find logical explanations for all the circumstances of our life, good or bad. Through his poetry, Rumi teaches us not to try to understand. Whatever meaning, reason, or conclusion we draw are but tiny pieces of threads in the big fabric of reality. Life is much more complex. Rumi advises:
“Please don’t request what you can’t tolerate
A blade of straw can’t hold a mountain weight.” (140)

And,
“If you stop reading from your own small view
The phoenix will grant kingdom then to you.” (1098)

To forgive, Myss teaches, we need to “defy gravity, to transcend the limitations of the reasoning mind and connect with an inner realm of mystical truth.”
Forgiveness defies reason as it defies gravity. It defies the clinging of the soul to explanation, order, structure, logic. It defies the gravitation towards a physical, inflexible, rigid realm and instead levitates us towards a heavenly mystical higher truth.

It is not easy… To forgive is to let go of a solid ground that might have supported us while we were trying to make sense of our life and existence; to let go of a familiar structure that held us as we navigated our way through life’s scary maze and wilderness. To forgive is to let go of the ant view and instead, fly high to see with an eagle eye...To see the bigger picture, the whole panorama, and realize that it is not about them… this is my story… my path… my journey; and all the challenges, troughs, snarls, and tangles are but lessons perfectly designed to help me build more resolve and strength, to help me advance on the Path and fly higher.

“Forgiveness, Myss says, is an act of release, surrendering the need for an explanation[…] forgiveness is your release from the hell of wanting to know what cannot be known.”

Myss sees that failing to surrender is a lack of humility as we cling to the illusion that we “can prevent God from creating chaos in [our] life.” “Certainly, you will never uncover an explanation that actually heals the full measure of your pain, because reason simply can’t penetrate the heart and soul that deeply.”

As Rumi says,
“The One from whom all benefits arise
Can surely see what you’ve seen with your eyes!
A million benefits are here and all
Compared with that one are extremely small.” (1531)
فكيف لا يرى ذلك الذي تتولد منه الفوائد ذلك الذي صار مرئيا لنا؟
وهناك مئات الآلاف من الفوائد كل منها تعد الفوائد التي ندركها بالنسبة لها قليلة القيمة

“If all Divine wisdom should be known to [the human being] at once, the benefits in it would leave him unable to act and the infinite wisdom of God would obliterate his comprehension. He would not be able to cope.” This is why God says, “We only send it down in a fixed measure” (Q. 15: 21) وَمَا نُنَزِّلُهُۥٓ إِلَّا بِقَدَرٍۢ مَّعْلُومٍۢ

Healing, teaches Myss, “represents a cleansing of the ego that liberates the embittered self. In its place emerges an inner truth that assures you that nothing was a mistake or an accident.”
“To surrender runs counter to all your instincts of protection, grounded as they are in your need for personal safety.” “Surrender represents […] a supreme act of faith that states, with God, all things are possible […] you leave it to God to chart the course of possibilities.”

Forgiveness is surrendering the ego… And, surrender is the ultimate test in humility. You acknowledge and assume your position as God’s servant عبدالله, you stop fighting for control or entitlement, you do the work and retreat in the shade, releasing the results, knowing and believing deep in your heart that the perfect plan is already in effect.

In Rumi’s words,

“The waves of peace collide with wonderous might,
Uprooting from men’s breasts all hate and spite” (2590)

“At one stage on this path snake venom changes
To wholesome food - it’s God who rearranges…
Things harmful to the soul in that pure sphere
Can be remedy where they are down here:
Unripe grapes are too sour for us to eat
But when those same grapes ripen, they taste sweet.” (2610-2614)

The 7 I's of Transformation

10/5/2022

Today I want to share with you a paper a recently published in the Canadian Journal of Theology Mental Health and Disability. In the paper, I introduce a new therapeutic model, the 7 I’s of Transformation, a model that I have been using in my retreats and private practice for a few years now with great results.

The 7 I's Model integrates some aspects of Narrative Therapy with Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, and the Ayurvedic model of human development through the teachings of the seven chakras.
The Model is aiming at developing a “Heroine’s Journey” that a woman can relate to and use to reconstruct an alternative richer narrative that enables her to find her own unique life meaning and purpose. The integration of the Ayurvedic teaching serves at linking the spiritual and psychological aspects to physical health, enabling the woman to listen to her Body Whispers®, those physical warnings that point at deeper emotional and/or spiritual roots that need to be addressed.

You can read the full paper and explore the case study Here.

On Belonging II - Our Intimate Conversation with the Divine

25/1/2022

If “true belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world”1, it goes without saying that it would also allow you to share this most authentic self with your Creator… i.e. being yourself in those most intimate conversation you have with the Divine.

I grew up in a very spiritual family, yet they weren’t big on rituals and organized religious structure. Since my early childhood, I learned to talk to God in the most intimate of ways - just open your heart and pour it all out. Tell God what you feel, what you need, what you are grateful for, what you like and dislike, what scares you and what delights you… tell Him everything. He is interested… He listens.
I have always been an extremely introvert person, you may even call me a hermit. I find it extremely difficult to socialize or to make friends. God has always been my friend, my refuge, my comfort in all my light and dark moments.

When I took a leave after the birth of my first child, I decided to formally study my religion for the first time. I wasn’t very welcomed in the mosque, though. I was “different.” I did not belong.
As usual, I buried my true self in order to fit in… I suppressed this part of me that they rejected… this most authentic part that forged the intimate Divine connection I so much valued… “God can’t be your friend, this is so disrespectful!” they told me, “You only talk to God in the way He taught us to. We’ll teach you,” they said. And, I believed them. I needed to fit in… I so desperately needed to belong. So, I stopped my intimate conversations. The compassionate language of the heart that I grew up with was soon morphed into a sterile language of do’s and don’ts, of halal and haram, of heaven and hell.

But, for how long can you press yourself into a mold that doesn’t fit you? I couldn’t fit in… it wasn’t me. Don’t get me wrong, though. I am a traditionalist. I believe in the importance of religious rituals, doctrine, and structure. Yet, for me, these are the framework, the scaffolding not the main course.

The Prophet taught us that God says, “My slave will not approach me by anything more favourable for me that what I have enjoined on him.” - literalists stop here… they ignore the rest of the saying: “and, my slave keeps coming closer to me by optional worship acts till I love him. And, if I love him, I’ll be his hearing with which he hears, his eyesight with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his leg with which he walks. If he asks me, I’ll give him and if he seeks my refuge, I’ll protect him.”

Rumi, in his Masnavi, relates a story of an encounter between Moses and a shepherd:2

“Once Moses overheard a shepherd pray:
   ‘O God! O God!’ He heard the shepherd say,
‘Where do You live that I might serve You there?
   I’ll mend Your battered shoes and comb Your hair,
And wash Your clothes, and kill the lice and fleas,
   And serve You milk to sip from when You please;
I’d kiss Your little hand, and rub Your feet,
   And sweep Your bedroom clean and keep it neat;
I’d sacrifice my herd of goats for You
   This loud commotion proves my love is true.’
He carried on in this deluded way,
   So, Moses asked, ‘What’s that I hear you say?’
‘I speak to my creator there on high,
   The One who also made the earth and sky.’
Moses replied, ‘You’re truly lost your way,
   You’ve given up faith and gone astray.
It’s gibberish and babble, stupid twit;
   You’d better learn to put a cork on it!’ […]
‘If you’re aware that He is God, our Lord,
   Why act familiar when that is abhorred?
Such stupid friendship’s truly enmity;
   The Lord’s above such acts of piety.
For relatives reserve your generous deeds -
   God has no body, nor material needs.’

The shepherd said, ‘Your words have struck me dumb.
   Regret now burns my soul, and I feel numb.’
He breathed a heavy sigh and ripped his cloak,
   Then in the desert disappeared like smoke.’

A revelation came down instantly:
   ‘You have just turned a slave away from Me!
Was not to lead to union why you came?
   Is causing separation now your aim? […]
I’ve given each one his own special ways
   And, his unique expressions when he prays. […]
I stand immune to all impurity
   Men’s pride and cunning never bother Me. […]
I’m not made any purer by their praise;
   They gain in eloquence and godly ways.
And, I pay no attention to their speech,
   But their intentions and the heights they reach -
I know when men’s hearts have humility,
   Even if they should speak too haughtily.

The heart is the essence, words are mere effects:
   The heart’s what matters, hot air he rejects.
I’m tired of fancy terms and metaphors;
   I want a soul which burns so much it roars!’ […]

Once Moses had heard God’s reproach, he ran
   Towards the desert, searching for that man;
He followed footprints that the shepherd laid,
   Scattering dust throughout the track he’d made. […]
On reaching the poor shepherd finally,
   Moses announced, ‘I bring you God’s decree:
Don’t bother with good manners anymore,
   But let your heart express what’s in its core! […]
Absolved by God, Who does what He should will,
   Speak out, and don’t be scared I blame you still!’”

___________
1 Brené Brown - Atlas of the Heart
2 Jawid Mojaddedi’s translation

On Belonging...

7/1/2022

There is a district in old Cairo called Al-Sakakini. It is named after the beautiful mansion of Al-Sakakini family, a family of Syrian refugees who immigrated to Egypt more than a 100 years ago fleeing an oppressive regime in their homeland, leaving all their belongings and possession behind. Their son, the young Sakakini, was in his late teens when the family settled in their new country. He had only received elementary education and was working hard everyday to help his family stay afloat.

At that time, Egypt was digging the Suez Canal (the canal that connects the Red Sea to the Mediterranean). When they started digging, the workers were faced with a stampede of ferocious rats coming from all over the city eating supplies, destroying machinery, and spreading diseases. The management tried all kinds of rat poisons and traps but nothing worked. The rats kept multiplying, getting bigger, fatter, and more aggressive. The government announced that the whole project was about to fail and would soon be abandoned.

Our young Sakakini read the newspaper and a light bulb went on! Why not use cats to eat the rats? Can you imagine how people received his idea? He was made fun of, ridiculed and belittled: Don’t you think they have cats over there? Do you think no body tried that already? It is so obvious isn’t it... you're no genius!

Sakakini did not listen to the nay Sayers, he got cages, gathered stray cats from the streets of Cairo, and shipped them to the construction site in Suez. There, he released the cats and within 24 hours, the site was cleared. The digging was soon resumed and the news reached the khedive Ismail, the ruler of Egypt at the time. He was so impressed that he appointed young Sakakini as his personal adviser. Sakakini was a creative adviser and proved wise in many subsequent decisions. Soon enough, he was granted a mansion in a district that still carries his family's name more than a 100 years later.

Unlike young Sakakini, I have always been afraid to be different…
I feared that being myself, expressing my unconventional opinions, or taking a stand for what I believe in would prevent me from “fitting in,” from being part of the tribe, from belonging.

I grew up in my grandmother’s house, a big family home with doors always open to welcome everybody. I was this little girl sitting in the corner listening to grown-ups' stories… women who came to my grandmother for advice, counsel, and support…
My grandmother’s kitchen was constantly brimming with aromas and flavors. A big pot was continuously simmering preparing the most delicious lunch for any potential guest, neighbour, friend, or just for the mailman and the newspaper guy around the corner. I enjoyed trips with my aunt to the old spice souks stocking on spices, herbs, and teas… My grandmother had a recipe for every ailment and it worked every time. I became fascinated with women's stories and enchanted by the magic of those herbs and spices. “When I’ll grow up, I announced, I’ll be a story catcher, listening to people’s stories, giving them support, and sharing wisdom and healing foods like grandma's.” But, this is not a profession, I was told!

So, I stopped dreaming!

At school, I loved my creative writing class. In my eccentric brain, neurons are constantly firing in all directions generating uncontrollable stream of ideas, opinions, stories, and visuals begging to be expressed and shared. But, for some reason, my teacher did not seem to like my writing, “Writing is not your strength,” she advised, “ stick to science, this is what you’re good at.”

So, I stopped writing.

I then shifted to another passion, drawing and visual art. I enjoyed expressing emotions and feelings through colors, forms, and shapes. My father and my brother are talented artists, you could mistaken their drawings for photographs. But, my art is different, I drew emotions and human feelings… I drew experiences and build imaginative cosmos. So, when I declared that I wanted to be an artist, I was met with a definitive, “No way! ‘You’re not good at art!” They advised me in the most friendly way to “stick to science, this is what you’re good at!”

And, I stopped drawing!

When I graduated high school, I joined pharmacy. I was always good at science, so I’ve been told. But, this wasn’t my reason. Deep inside, I wanted to learn about those magical herbs I left back in my grandmother’s kitchen, I wanted to be an agent in people healing and relief like she was.
Unfortunately, the way herbs and remedies are taught in pharmacy stripped them from their magic, from their soul and reduced them to mere chemical formulas and Latin names. When I tried to express this humble opinion and maybe carve some path for change, no one understood what I was talking about.

And, again, I stopped! I remained part of the system.

I graduated top of my class and was hired as a teaching assistant in the faculty. I loved my work. I love biochemistry, I love teaching and lab experiments… but, there was always something missing, some part of me I left behind in my grandmother’s house, some part of me that I left when I abandoned the stories, the kitchen apothecary, my journals, and my sketchbooks.
But, I was now too busy climbing the ladder of academia and finishing my master degree in pharmacy. I needed to fit in… to be accepted… to remain part of the system.

Ironically, the more I struggled to fit in, the less I felt that I belonged.

Brené Brown teaches, “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

When we settle into our ordinary life, we’re always sent signs… directions for the path, for the next step in the journey we are meant to embark on. Joseph Campbell calls it, “Call for Adventure”… This call starts subtle, like those unsettling feelings I had, the feelings that I am abandoning essential parts of who I am in a futile attempt to fit in… But, I did not listen, I did not heed the subtle warnings… So, they had to become louder and uglier.

As I finished my research and was ready to present my thesis, my faculty advisor refused to accept it unless I end my maternal leave and come back to work. With two toddlers at hand, I couldn’t do that. So, I was forced to submit my resignation in order for me to complete and receive my master degree. I cried day and night. I felt oppressed and unjustly treated… My years of hard work and my dream of becoming a university professor were shattered overnight. But, wait a minute… were those ‘my’ dreams? This “call” forced me to stop for a moment and reconsider my path. Was it really my path or was it the path that everyone believed was the best for me?
Leaving academia gave me the chance to dig into those passions I have abandoned years ago. I studied nutrition, natural health, spirituality and theology; and I loved every step along the way. I ended up with a degree in nutrition, a PhD in Natural Health, and a Master in Pastoral studies. I wrote books that I would have never written if I was still following a path that was not meant for me.

Brené Brown's words made so much sense now, “because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” I had to learn to accept myself, my true authentic self. Like young Sakakini, I had to learn not to fear being different. I had to learn that it is ok to “stand alone in the wilderness” at times or even most of the times. I had to learn to trust myself for me to be able to trust others.

Striving for belonging is a natural human instinct. We all need to belong. It is a tough, and at times scary, quest that requires us to keep “Braving the Wilderness.” “True belonging, Brené says, is not something you negotiate externally, it’s what you carry in your heart.”

The Pandemic: Who Let the Genie Out?

5/1/2022

In the tales of Arabian Nights, there is a story of a poor fisherman, who, everyday carried his net to the sea and return empty handed. The fisherman felt helpless and prayed, cried, and pleaded for God’s help. One day, after three failed attempts, the fisherman desperately cast his net for the fourth and last time. It came out with a copper lamp. Disappointed, he started cleaning the lamp , maybe he could sell it and buy dinner for his starving family. As he rubbed it, fumes filled the air and out came a huge genie.

The genie related his story. He has been trapped in the lamp for years. After a hundred years, he promised, “whoever saves me, I will make him rich beyond his wildest dream.” Then, the second century fled by, and the genie said, “Whoever saves me, I’ll open before him the treasures of the land.” When 400 years passed and no one showed up for him, the genie desperately pledged, “Whoever saves me, I’ll grant him 3 wishes.” Still, no one came for his rescue. The genie remained trapped for 1800 years – and with every passing year, he was becoming angrier and hungrier and ended up swearing, “Who ever saves me must die! I will grant him only one choice… He may choose how he would like me to kill him.” And, this was the choice he gave our poor fisherman.

The fisherman knew that the genie is much stronger, but our wise fisherman also knew that a human being always has the power to outsmart a beast. “I only have one wish, the fisherman said, I am so curious to see how a huge genie like yourself could fit in such a tiny lamp?” And, as soon as the genie squeezed himself back in, the fisherman sealed the lamp.
At this point, the fisherman had the choice to either cast the lamp back in the sea and get rid of the genie forever or make a deal with this angry hungry beast. But, could he trust him?
The fisherman learned his lesson, “the genie may have the muscles, but I have the Intellect.” He needs the genie. He could make use of his talents, if only he could submit him to his service… Despite his fear, the fisherman decided to release the genie after striking a deal that benefited both of them.

The genie in the story is the classic symbol of the soul. A soul entrapped and ignored for years until its anger and passion could no longer be contained. Those feelings are totally legitimate. With years of entrapment, the genie’s anger and passion were his motivation to find an outlet, to keep hope and keep going. Yet, those helpful tools have been percolating for so long that they ended up brewing the deadly concoction of pride, greed, temptations, envy, gluttony, wrath, and apathy.

Squeezed Heart

This time of the Pandemic, if I borrow Charles Dickens’ words, “It was the best of times... It was the worst of times.” It brought up the best out of people… It brought up the worst out of people.

But, the best and the worst have been already there… Lurking in the dark shadow of our hearts.

The pandemic squeezed our hearts revealing what has already been there… it rubbed the lamp and released our genie. For some, the heart was full of pain- denied, unexpressed pain. For some, it was full of anger - stored, percolating anger. Yet for others, it was full of hunger, needs, or maybe compassion or love or yearnings…

Yin-Yang Symbol

All these are legitimate, natural human feelings…

Sufis call the moments of challenges and suffering, Contraction. Contraction is sent our way to wake us up. To make us aware of those hidden crevices of our heart that get neglected as we are caught in the grind of everyday life. Contraction rubs the lamp and give an outlet to the genie before his anger and hunger go out of control. It is there to show us this hidden side of our soul. Yet, we have to remember that the choice remains ours: What do we do with the genie?

Embedded in every contraction is the potential for its own expansion. Like the white dot in the dark side of the Yin-Yang symbol.

We can choose to let our self, the ego in modern psychological terms (the genie) contract so that our heart, our intellect, our wisdom (the fisherman) expands and takes control drawing on the light of Divine love and mercy.

Or, we can choose to leave our heart in its contraction, expanding the ego and allowing it to take over - letting the genie rule with his angry, hungry, selfish pride.

It seems like an easy choice, doesn’t it? Yet, we all know it is one of the hardest choices to make. The genie is scary. It is hard to contain and even harder to please. On one hand, squeezing him into the lamp makes him angrier and hungrier, not to mention the waste of his tremendous potentials. On the other hand, taming him is a life-long struggle, the Greatest Struggle against the shadows of our own soul.

The fisherman, compared to the genie, seems like this tiny white dot in the black swirl. Yet, this dot is the source of light in the darkness, the wisdom in the chaos. The fisherman chose to tame the genie not to kill it. He knew that he needs it along his journey. The genie, with his anger and passion, is a prodigious source of energy that the fisherman needs for protection and motivation. Yet, the fisherman, with his wise discerning intellect, has to always remain aware and alert. He can never put down his guards.The genie can never be trusted. We can’t let the genie lead the way. We have to remain in control!

The Pandemic with all its aftermath, is in a sense, a global contraction. It rubbed the lamp and released our genie. It squeezed our hearts exuding a fermented brew. Yet, the choice remains ours, will we befriend and tame the genie, or will we let him squeeze our hearts to death?

Ready for 2022? Reflection #5

7/12/2021

The feeling I aimed for in 2020 was “safe” and for 2021 was “connected.” It took me some time to realize that both words are some how “connected”. Safety comes from within, from feeling connected to my authentic deepest soul and thus connected to God on a much deeper level.

If we look at it from a worldly perspective, 2020 was as far from safety as one could imagine especially if you work in the health care sector engaging with Covid patients on a daily basis. Yet, I was safe, I was protected on a much deeper level, protected physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually by an All- Powerful, All- loving, All-merciful Creator. I was safe within the chaos of the world and the chaos of my own personal life challenges.

And, then, came 2021. I guess when I chose the word “connected”, I was thinking about my social isolation, I had moved into a new city, a new setting, a new job; I was harshly judged by my own community, rejected and alienated by many people who I once considered close friends – yet, God had intended for me a much deeper connection… connection with Him SWT. I spent so much time during this year in what Joseph Campbell calls, “the Belly of the Whale,” trying to make sense of the chaos of my life.

One thing I learned about the nature of this Belly of the Whale is that you do not get to choose when or how you get out… you just surrender… totally surrender and once you reach that stage… once you are ready, you’ll find yourself in the world again totally renewed and rejuvenated, totally transformed and restored – a better and more wholesome version of you… a version that is free of judgement, free from anger or resentment, a version that is filled with love for the world even if this world still seems unfair and unfriendly.. a version that is “connected” to herself, to God and to the world… a version that is at peace with life ambiguity and paradoxes… AT PEACE! This feels like the my needed word for 2022... Feeling at peace.

So, how do I want to feel in 2022? I want to feel At Peace... peace of mind and heart. I am craving for a tranquil soul (Nafs mutma’inna), satisfied, and content… A soul that is working for love & service, a soul embodying the beauty that God created deep inside all of us… a soul that trust God in the dark as well as in the light moments… a soul that surrenders yet keeps working and striving for spiritual excellence (Ihsan). A soul At Peace!

Now, it is your turn, how do you want to feel in 2022?

Have a beautiful week.

Disclaimer
My wellness coaching, workshops, teachings, and all the services I provide are at all times restricted to education, teaching and training on the subject of natural health matters intended for general natural health well-being and do not involve the diagnosing, prognosticating, treatment, or prescribing of remedies for the treatment of any disease, or any licensed or controlled act which may constitute the practice of medicine.
Any questions? Please email me at info@amiraayad.com

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