“If you become addicted to looking back,
Half your life will be spent in distraction
And the other half in regret.
You can live better than that!
Find happier friends.” Rumi 

“If you stop reading from your own small view,
The phoenix will grant kingdoms then to you!” Rumi 
​

Forgiveness is an elusive concept. You think you’ve already forgiven and put the past behind you only to find the ugly face of anger, rancor, and hurt suddenly peek through the curtains of your life out of nowhere disturbing your peace and scaring the heck out of you. 
Caroline Myss says, “the capacity to forgive is nothing less than the acceptance of a higher principle of Divine justice rather than earthly justice, as the organizing element behind the events of your life.” Forgiveness, she adds, “requires you to surrender your ego’s need to have life fall into place around your personal version of justice.” 
No wonder forgiveness is so hard. It does not follow any logic or reason. Trying to rationalize it could be ultimately frustrating because we are applying our humanly limited version of logic in a futile attempt to manage our fears and pains. We are trying to control the chaos of our life, or rather what we perceive as chaos and randomness.
We will never find logical explanations for all the circumstances of our life, good or bad. Through his poetry, Rumi teaches us not to try to understand. Whatever meaning, reason, or conclusion we draw are but tiny pieces of threads in the big fabric of reality. Life is much more complex. Rumi advises:
“Please don’t request what you can’t tolerate
A blade of straw can’t hold a mountain weight.” (140)

And,
“If you stop reading from your own small view
The phoenix will grant kingdom then to you.” (1098)

To forgive, Myss teaches, we need to “defy gravity, to transcend the limitations of the reasoning mind and connect with an inner realm of mystical truth.”
Forgiveness defies reason as it defies gravity. It defies the clinging of the soul to explanation, order, structure, logic. It defies the gravitation towards a physical, inflexible, rigid realm and instead levitates us towards a heavenly mystical higher truth.

It is not easy… To forgive is to let go of a solid ground that might have supported us while we were trying to make sense of our life and existence; to let go of a familiar structure that held us as we navigated our way through life’s scary maze and wilderness. To forgive is to let go of the ant view and instead, fly high to see with an eagle eye...To see the bigger picture, the whole panorama, and realize that it is not about them… this is my story… my path… my journey; and all the challenges, troughs, snarls, and tangles are but lessons perfectly designed to help me build more resolve and strength, to help me advance on the Path and fly higher.

“Forgiveness, Myss says, is an act of release, surrendering the need for an explanation[…] forgiveness is your release from the hell of wanting to know what cannot be known.”

Myss sees that failing to surrender is a lack of humility as we cling to the illusion that we “can prevent God from creating chaos in [our] life.” “Certainly, you will never uncover an explanation that actually heals the full measure of your pain, because reason simply can’t penetrate the heart and soul that deeply.”

As Rumi says,
“The One from whom all benefits arise
Can surely see what you’ve seen with your eyes!
A million benefits are here and all
Compared with that one are extremely small.” (1531)
فكيف لا يرى ذلك الذي تتولد منه الفوائد ذلك الذي صار مرئيا لنا؟
وهناك مئات الآلاف من الفوائد كل منها تعد الفوائد التي ندركها بالنسبة لها قليلة القيمة

“If all Divine wisdom should be known to [the human being] at once, the benefits in it would leave him unable to act and the infinite wisdom of God would obliterate his comprehension. He would not be able to cope.” This is why God says, “We only send it down in a fixed measure” (Q. 15: 21) وَمَا نُنَزِّلُهُۥٓ إِلَّا بِقَدَرٍۢ مَّعْلُومٍۢ

Healing, teaches Myss, “represents a cleansing of the ego that liberates the embittered self. In its place emerges an inner truth that assures you that nothing was a mistake or an accident.”
“To surrender runs counter to all your instincts of protection, grounded as they are in your need for personal safety.” “Surrender represents […] a supreme act of faith that states, with God, all things are possible […] you leave it to God to chart the course of possibilities.”

Forgiveness is surrendering the ego… And, surrender is the ultimate test in humility. You acknowledge and assume your position as God’s servant عبدالله, you stop fighting for control or entitlement, you do the work and retreat in the shade, releasing the results, knowing and believing deep in your heart that the perfect plan is already in effect.

In Rumi’s words,

“The waves of peace collide with wonderous might,
Uprooting from men’s breasts all hate and spite” (2590)


“At one stage on this path snake venom changes
To wholesome food - it’s God who rearranges…
Things harmful to the soul in that pure sphere
Can be remedy where they are down here:
Unripe grapes are too sour for us to eat
But when those same grapes ripen, they taste sweet.” (2610-2614)

Today I want to share with you a paper a recently published in the Canadian Journal of Theology Mental Health and Disability. In the paper, I introduce a new therapeutic model, the 7 I’s of Transformation, a model that I have been   using in my retreats and private practice for a few years now with great results.

The 7 I's Model integrates some aspects of Narrative Therapy with Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, and the Ayurvedic model of human development through the teachings of the seven chakras.
The Model is aiming at developing a “Heroine’s Journey” that a woman can relate to and use to reconstruct an alternative richer narrative that enables her to find her own unique life meaning and purpose. The integration of the Ayurvedic teaching serves at linking the spiritual and psychological aspects to physical health, enabling the woman to listen to her Body Whispers®, those physical warnings that point at deeper emotional and/or spiritual roots that need to be addressed.


You can read the full paper and explore the case study Here.

If “true belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world”1, it goes without saying that it would also allow you to share this most authentic self with your Creator… i.e. being yourself in those most intimate conversation you have with the Divine.

I grew up in a very spiritual family, yet they weren’t big on rituals and organized religious structure. Since my early childhood, I learned to talk to God in the most intimate of ways - just open your heart and pour it all out. Tell God what you feel, what you need, what you are grateful for, what you like and dislike, what scares you and what delights you… tell Him everything. He is interested… He listens.
I have always been an extremely introvert person, you may even call me a hermit. I find it extremely difficult to socialize or to make friends. God has always been my friend, my refuge, my comfort in all my light and dark moments.

When I took a leave after the birth of my first child, I decided to formally study my religion for the first time. I wasn’t very welcomed in the mosque, though. I was “different.” I did not belong.
As usual, I buried my true self in order to fit in… I suppressed this part of me that they rejected… this most authentic part that forged the intimate Divine connection I so much valued… “God can’t be your friend, this is so disrespectful!”  they told me, “You only talk to God in the way He taught us to. We’ll teach you,” they said. And, I believed them. I needed to fit in… I so desperately needed to belong. So, I stopped my intimate conversations. The compassionate language of the heart that I grew up with was soon morphed into a sterile language of do’s and don’ts, of halal and haram, of heaven and hell.

But, for how long can you press yourself into a mold that doesn’t fit you? I couldn’t fit in… it wasn’t me. Don’t get me wrong, though. I am a traditionalist. I believe in the importance of religious rituals, doctrine, and structure. Yet, for me, these are the framework, the scaffolding not the main course.

The Prophet taught us that God says, “My slave will not approach me by anything more favourable for me that what I have enjoined on him.” - literalists stop here… they ignore the rest of the saying: “and, my slave keeps coming closer to me by optional worship acts till I love him. And, if I love him, I’ll be his hearing with which he hears, his eyesight with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his leg with which he walks. If he asks me, I’ll give him and if he seeks my refuge, I’ll protect him.”

Rumi, in his Masnavi, relates a story of an encounter between Moses and a shepherd:2

“Once Moses overheard a shepherd pray:
    ‘O God! O God!’ He heard the shepherd say,
‘Where do You live that I might serve You there?
    I’ll mend Your battered shoes and comb Your hair,
And wash Your clothes, and kill the lice and fleas,
    And serve You milk to sip from when You please;
I’d kiss Your little hand, and rub Your feet,
    And sweep Your bedroom clean and keep it neat;
I’d sacrifice my herd of goats for You
    This loud commotion proves my love is true.’
He carried on in this deluded way,
    So, Moses asked, ‘What’s that I hear you say?’
‘I speak to my creator there on high,
    The One who also made the earth and sky.’
Moses replied, ‘You’re truly lost your way,
    You’ve given up faith and gone astray.
It’s gibberish and babble, stupid twit;
    You’d better learn to put a cork on it!’ […]
‘If you’re aware that He is God, our Lord,
    Why act familiar when that is abhorred?
Such stupid friendship’s truly enmity;
    The Lord’s above such acts of piety.
For relatives reserve your generous deeds -
    God has no body, nor material needs.’

The shepherd said, ‘Your words have struck me dumb.
    Regret now burns my soul, and I feel numb.’
He breathed a heavy sigh and ripped his cloak,
    Then in the desert disappeared like smoke.’

A revelation came down instantly:
    ‘You have just turned a slave away from Me!
Was not to lead to union why you came?
    Is causing separation now your aim? […]
I’ve given each one his own special ways
     And, his unique expressions when he prays. […]
I stand immune to all impurity
    Men’s pride and cunning never bother Me. […]
I’m not made any purer by their praise;
    They gain in eloquence and godly ways.
And, I pay no attention to their speech,
    But their intentions and the heights they reach -
I know when men’s hearts have humility,
    Even if they should speak too haughtily.

The heart is the essence, words are mere effects:
    The heart’s what matters, hot air he rejects.
I’m tired of fancy terms and metaphors;
    I want a soul which burns so much it roars!’ […]

Once Moses had heard God’s reproach, he ran
    Towards the desert, searching for that man;
He followed footprints that the shepherd laid,
    Scattering dust throughout the track he’d made. […]
On reaching the poor shepherd finally,
    Moses announced, ‘I bring you God’s decree:
Don’t bother with good manners anymore,
    But let your heart express what’s in its core! […]
Absolved by God, Who does what He should will,
    Speak out, and don’t be scared I blame you still!’”

___________
1 Brené Brown - Atlas of the Heart
2 Jawid Mojaddedi’s translation