Category:

I’ve been hibernating!

2/3/2022

Winter with its cold and snowy nature is a time of slowing down. Nature takes a deep slumber turning inward… the animals hide in their dens and burrows; and the plants dig deeper into their roots. Seeds become dormant to avoid germination as the time and environment are not suitable or sustaining. Hibernation and dormancy help nature survive - They safeguard and sustain life until the time and environment are favourable once more.
Nature has a lot to teach us…

Here are some winter symbolism to reflect on:

Cold - for constriction, contraction, the yin side of the cycle- Cold drives us inward looking for warmth inside our hearts, drawing on our inner resources.

Dark - Winter nights are longer than the days - they reflect the silence, seclusion, connection with our deeper self, our deepest secrets and mystery. Darkness inspires introspection, self-evaluation and reflection. It also imbues calmness and preservation.

Snow - the magical white blanket reflects a majestic beauty that inspires awe and wonder. Purity, softness, gentleness - yet it can be frightening and damaging at times. Snow has the inherent yin and yang in its nature. It reflects harmony, flow and fluidity - yet it is restricted, rigid and inflexible at times.

The cold, dark, and snowing nature of winter forces us inward. It inspires resilience as we learn to draw on our inner resources for survival, for preservation of our energy and protection of our resources. The tough nature of the season teaches us to surrender, to stop trying to change what we cannot change. It teaches us to let go as we admire the cycle of death and rebirth. It teaches us to detach so we can start anew. Winter reflects vigilance, resiliency, and patience and inspires hope for new beginnings, for transition and evolvement.

Still, winter will be soon receding giving way to spring… And, the cycle continues.

You Can’t Drag an Elephant

1/2/2022

I use visual journaling to explore my feelings and understand what’s going on inside this messy chaotic head of mine. Art journaling helps slowing down the erratic firing of my brain’s neurons, snaps me out of the autopilot mode for a while and re-roots me in the present moment.

Sometimes my journal pages are chaotic, a perfect reflection of my racing thoughts. Other times, the process begins with simple colours or doodles and suddenly images start of magically force themselves onto the pages maybe in an attempt to add some sense to what seemed so non-sensical. And, this was the image that popped up on my journal page last week.

If you didn’t hear me talk about it before, my favourite metaphor of the conscious and the subconscious mind is Jonathan Haidt’s, “the rider and the elephant.” In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Haidt depicts our subconscious mental reality as an elephant that has its own will. And, our analytical, logical conscious mind is the rider who is supposed to direct that elephant. Yes, the rider holds the rein… yet, the rider can never force the elephant into a direction it does not want to go. The elephant is the one running the show.
I take it that the image in my journal that day was trying to warn me that I am stuck in a futile attempt to drag my “elephant”. And, my poor elephant is in full panic mode.

Lately, I have been putting so much pressure on myself to achieve more than I could bear. I was desperately trying to tie all loose ends and put all my ducks in a row. The drawing made it very clear how ridiculous my attempts were. I simply cannot drag an elephant! I needed to slow down… maybe have fun with that little mouse dancing in the corner. It’s a tiny harmless mouse (I used to play with so many of them in my pharmacy lab), but the elephant cannot see that… my life problems might be rationalized away and I can put all the plans and strategies in place to deal with them, they are not scary, at least to the rider… yet my subconscious mind, my elephant, is envisioning all the dramatic scenarios that it can possibly think of… My “elephant” is frightened! It is stuck… It panicked… And, it froze!
If this rider in the image just stopped for a while and embraced the dance of the mouse, maybe the elephant will realize how harmless this seemingly dangerous creature is… Embracing the chaos… the dance of life… the unexpected (or maybe expected but un-welcomed) interruptions and changes…

Breathe… Slow down… Flow with the whirls and twirls of life, and, eventually, the elephant will calm down; and, only then, you can direct him wherever you want him to go next.

On Belonging...

7/1/2022

There is a district in old Cairo called Al-Sakakini. It is named after the beautiful mansion of Al-Sakakini family, a family of Syrian refugees who immigrated to Egypt more than a 100 years ago fleeing an oppressive regime in their homeland, leaving all their belongings and possession behind. Their son, the young Sakakini, was in his late teens when the family settled in their new country. He had only received elementary education and was working hard everyday to help his family stay afloat.

At that time, Egypt was digging the Suez Canal (the canal that connects the Red Sea to the Mediterranean). When they started digging, the workers were faced with a stampede of ferocious rats coming from all over the city eating supplies, destroying machinery, and spreading diseases. The management tried all kinds of rat poisons and traps but nothing worked. The rats kept multiplying, getting bigger, fatter, and more aggressive. The government announced that the whole project was about to fail and would soon be abandoned.

Our young Sakakini read the newspaper and a light bulb went on! Why not use cats to eat the rats? Can you imagine how people received his idea? He was made fun of, ridiculed and belittled: Don’t you think they have cats over there? Do you think no body tried that already? It is so obvious isn’t it... you're no genius!

Sakakini did not listen to the nay Sayers, he got cages, gathered stray cats from the streets of Cairo, and shipped them to the construction site in Suez. There, he released the cats and within 24 hours, the site was cleared. The digging was soon resumed and the news reached the khedive Ismail, the ruler of Egypt at the time. He was so impressed that he appointed young Sakakini as his personal adviser. Sakakini was a creative adviser and proved wise in many subsequent decisions. Soon enough, he was granted a mansion in a district that still carries his family's name more than a 100 years later.

Unlike young Sakakini, I have always been afraid to be different…
I feared that being myself, expressing my unconventional opinions, or taking a stand for what I believe in would prevent me from “fitting in,” from being part of the tribe, from belonging.

I grew up in my grandmother’s house, a big family home with doors always open to welcome everybody. I was this little girl sitting in the corner listening to grown-ups' stories… women who came to my grandmother for advice, counsel, and support…
My grandmother’s kitchen was constantly brimming with aromas and flavors. A big pot was continuously simmering preparing the most delicious lunch for any potential guest, neighbour, friend, or just for the mailman and the newspaper guy around the corner. I enjoyed trips with my aunt to the old spice souks stocking on spices, herbs, and teas… My grandmother had a recipe for every ailment and it worked every time. I became fascinated with women's stories and enchanted by the magic of those herbs and spices. “When I’ll grow up, I announced, I’ll be a story catcher, listening to people’s stories, giving them support, and sharing wisdom and healing foods like grandma's.” But, this is not a profession, I was told!

So, I stopped dreaming!

At school, I loved my creative writing class. In my eccentric brain, neurons are constantly firing in all directions generating uncontrollable stream of ideas, opinions, stories, and visuals begging to be expressed and shared. But, for some reason, my teacher did not seem to like my writing, “Writing is not your strength,” she advised, “ stick to science, this is what you’re good at.”

So, I stopped writing.

I then shifted to another passion, drawing and visual art. I enjoyed expressing emotions and feelings through colors, forms, and shapes. My father and my brother are talented artists, you could mistaken their drawings for photographs. But, my art is different, I drew emotions and human feelings… I drew experiences and build imaginative cosmos. So, when I declared that I wanted to be an artist, I was met with a definitive, “No way! ‘You’re not good at art!” They advised me in the most friendly way to “stick to science, this is what you’re good at!”

And, I stopped drawing!

When I graduated high school, I joined pharmacy. I was always good at science, so I’ve been told. But, this wasn’t my reason. Deep inside, I wanted to learn about those magical herbs I left back in my grandmother’s kitchen, I wanted to be an agent in people healing and relief like she was.
Unfortunately, the way herbs and remedies are taught in pharmacy stripped them from their magic, from their soul and reduced them to mere chemical formulas and Latin names. When I tried to express this humble opinion and maybe carve some path for change, no one understood what I was talking about.

And, again, I stopped! I remained part of the system.

I graduated top of my class and was hired as a teaching assistant in the faculty. I loved my work. I love biochemistry, I love teaching and lab experiments… but, there was always something missing, some part of me I left behind in my grandmother’s house, some part of me that I left when I abandoned the stories, the kitchen apothecary, my journals, and my sketchbooks.
But, I was now too busy climbing the ladder of academia and finishing my master degree in pharmacy. I needed to fit in… to be accepted… to remain part of the system.

Ironically, the more I struggled to fit in, the less I felt that I belonged.

Brené Brown teaches, “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

When we settle into our ordinary life, we’re always sent signs… directions for the path, for the next step in the journey we are meant to embark on. Joseph Campbell calls it, “Call for Adventure”… This call starts subtle, like those unsettling feelings I had, the feelings that I am abandoning essential parts of who I am in a futile attempt to fit in… But, I did not listen, I did not heed the subtle warnings… So, they had to become louder and uglier.

As I finished my research and was ready to present my thesis, my faculty advisor refused to accept it unless I end my maternal leave and come back to work. With two toddlers at hand, I couldn’t do that. So, I was forced to submit my resignation in order for me to complete and receive my master degree. I cried day and night. I felt oppressed and unjustly treated… My years of hard work and my dream of becoming a university professor were shattered overnight. But, wait a minute… were those ‘my’ dreams? This “call” forced me to stop for a moment and reconsider my path. Was it really my path or was it the path that everyone believed was the best for me?
Leaving academia gave me the chance to dig into those passions I have abandoned years ago. I studied nutrition, natural health, spirituality and theology; and I loved every step along the way. I ended up with a degree in nutrition, a PhD in Natural Health, and a Master in Pastoral studies. I wrote books that I would have never written if I was still following a path that was not meant for me.

Brené Brown's words made so much sense now, “because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” I had to learn to accept myself, my true authentic self. Like young Sakakini, I had to learn not to fear being different. I had to learn that it is ok to “stand alone in the wilderness” at times or even most of the times. I had to learn to trust myself for me to be able to trust others.

Striving for belonging is a natural human instinct. We all need to belong. It is a tough, and at times scary, quest that requires us to keep “Braving the Wilderness.” “True belonging, Brené says, is not something you negotiate externally, it’s what you carry in your heart.”

The Pandemic: Who Let the Genie Out?

5/1/2022

In the tales of Arabian Nights, there is a story of a poor fisherman, who, everyday carried his net to the sea and return empty handed. The fisherman felt helpless and prayed, cried, and pleaded for God’s help. One day, after three failed attempts, the fisherman desperately cast his net for the fourth and last time. It came out with a copper lamp. Disappointed, he started cleaning the lamp , maybe he could sell it and buy dinner for his starving family. As he rubbed it, fumes filled the air and out came a huge genie.

The genie related his story. He has been trapped in the lamp for years. After a hundred years, he promised, “whoever saves me, I will make him rich beyond his wildest dream.” Then, the second century fled by, and the genie said, “Whoever saves me, I’ll open before him the treasures of the land.” When 400 years passed and no one showed up for him, the genie desperately pledged, “Whoever saves me, I’ll grant him 3 wishes.” Still, no one came for his rescue. The genie remained trapped for 1800 years – and with every passing year, he was becoming angrier and hungrier and ended up swearing, “Who ever saves me must die! I will grant him only one choice… He may choose how he would like me to kill him.” And, this was the choice he gave our poor fisherman.

The fisherman knew that the genie is much stronger, but our wise fisherman also knew that a human being always has the power to outsmart a beast. “I only have one wish, the fisherman said, I am so curious to see how a huge genie like yourself could fit in such a tiny lamp?” And, as soon as the genie squeezed himself back in, the fisherman sealed the lamp.
At this point, the fisherman had the choice to either cast the lamp back in the sea and get rid of the genie forever or make a deal with this angry hungry beast. But, could he trust him?
The fisherman learned his lesson, “the genie may have the muscles, but I have the Intellect.” He needs the genie. He could make use of his talents, if only he could submit him to his service… Despite his fear, the fisherman decided to release the genie after striking a deal that benefited both of them.

The genie in the story is the classic symbol of the soul. A soul entrapped and ignored for years until its anger and passion could no longer be contained. Those feelings are totally legitimate. With years of entrapment, the genie’s anger and passion were his motivation to find an outlet, to keep hope and keep going. Yet, those helpful tools have been percolating for so long that they ended up brewing the deadly concoction of pride, greed, temptations, envy, gluttony, wrath, and apathy.

Squeezed Heart

This time of the Pandemic, if I borrow Charles Dickens’ words, “It was the best of times... It was the worst of times.” It brought up the best out of people… It brought up the worst out of people.

But, the best and the worst have been already there… Lurking in the dark shadow of our hearts.

The pandemic squeezed our hearts revealing what has already been there… it rubbed the lamp and released our genie. For some, the heart was full of pain- denied, unexpressed pain. For some, it was full of anger - stored, percolating anger. Yet for others, it was full of hunger, needs, or maybe compassion or love or yearnings…

Yin-Yang Symbol

All these are legitimate, natural human feelings…

Sufis call the moments of challenges and suffering, Contraction. Contraction is sent our way to wake us up. To make us aware of those hidden crevices of our heart that get neglected as we are caught in the grind of everyday life. Contraction rubs the lamp and give an outlet to the genie before his anger and hunger go out of control. It is there to show us this hidden side of our soul. Yet, we have to remember that the choice remains ours: What do we do with the genie?

Embedded in every contraction is the potential for its own expansion. Like the white dot in the dark side of the Yin-Yang symbol.

We can choose to let our self, the ego in modern psychological terms (the genie) contract so that our heart, our intellect, our wisdom (the fisherman) expands and takes control drawing on the light of Divine love and mercy.

Or, we can choose to leave our heart in its contraction, expanding the ego and allowing it to take over - letting the genie rule with his angry, hungry, selfish pride.

It seems like an easy choice, doesn’t it? Yet, we all know it is one of the hardest choices to make. The genie is scary. It is hard to contain and even harder to please. On one hand, squeezing him into the lamp makes him angrier and hungrier, not to mention the waste of his tremendous potentials. On the other hand, taming him is a life-long struggle, the Greatest Struggle against the shadows of our own soul.

The fisherman, compared to the genie, seems like this tiny white dot in the black swirl. Yet, this dot is the source of light in the darkness, the wisdom in the chaos. The fisherman chose to tame the genie not to kill it. He knew that he needs it along his journey. The genie, with his anger and passion, is a prodigious source of energy that the fisherman needs for protection and motivation. Yet, the fisherman, with his wise discerning intellect, has to always remain aware and alert. He can never put down his guards.The genie can never be trusted. We can’t let the genie lead the way. We have to remain in control!

The Pandemic with all its aftermath, is in a sense, a global contraction. It rubbed the lamp and released our genie. It squeezed our hearts exuding a fermented brew. Yet, the choice remains ours, will we befriend and tame the genie, or will we let him squeeze our hearts to death?

Ready for 2022? Reflection #6

14/12/2021

Now that you decided how you want to feel in 2022, it is time to dig deeper.

For me, once I decided I want to feel At Peace, I started to ponder what does “at peace” mean to me? The same feeling can mean different thing to different people.

I took time to reflect and journal and three meanings came to mind:

Persistence, Congruence & Connection

Persistence: Reaching peace and tranquility is a hard task… it needs work and persistence. Persistence means continuing firmly on my course of action in spite of difficulty and opposition… Continuing to strive, to endure... Persistence is part of being resilient, content and patient… “Just keep going!” as Little Dori says.

Congruence: At peace requires that I work on keeping my body, mind, heart, and soul in agreement and harmony all the time. Again, hard task… but, hopefully doable.

Connection: Keeping my connection to my heart and soul, to God, to His Book, to my family, my community, to the world and to life itself.

These might not sound like “goals” in the conventional, western sense of the word, yet, at this stage of my journey, these psychological and spiritual goals seemed more important and more of a priority than any material achievements.

You might be at a different stage of your life, you might add some material goals like passing exams, buying a house or focusing on your family… That’s totally fine… Think and craft your list…

Have a beautiful week

Ready for 2022? Reflection #5

7/12/2021

The feeling I aimed for in 2020 was “safe” and for 2021 was “connected.” It took me some time to realize that both words are some how “connected”. Safety comes from within, from feeling connected to my authentic deepest soul and thus connected to God on a much deeper level.

If we look at it from a worldly perspective, 2020 was as far from safety as one could imagine especially if you work in the health care sector engaging with Covid patients on a daily basis. Yet, I was safe, I was protected on a much deeper level, protected physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually by an All- Powerful, All- loving, All-merciful Creator. I was safe within the chaos of the world and the chaos of my own personal life challenges.

And, then, came 2021. I guess when I chose the word “connected”, I was thinking about my social isolation, I had moved into a new city, a new setting, a new job; I was harshly judged by my own community, rejected and alienated by many people who I once considered close friends – yet, God had intended for me a much deeper connection… connection with Him SWT. I spent so much time during this year in what Joseph Campbell calls, “the Belly of the Whale,” trying to make sense of the chaos of my life.

One thing I learned about the nature of this Belly of the Whale is that you do not get to choose when or how you get out… you just surrender… totally surrender and once you reach that stage… once you are ready, you’ll find yourself in the world again totally renewed and rejuvenated, totally transformed and restored – a better and more wholesome version of you… a version that is free of judgement, free from anger or resentment, a version that is filled with love for the world even if this world still seems unfair and unfriendly.. a version that is “connected” to herself, to God and to the world… a version that is at peace with life ambiguity and paradoxes… AT PEACE! This feels like the my needed word for 2022... Feeling at peace.

So, how do I want to feel in 2022? I want to feel At Peace... peace of mind and heart. I am craving for a tranquil soul (Nafs mutma’inna), satisfied, and content… A soul that is working for love & service, a soul embodying the beauty that God created deep inside all of us… a soul that trust God in the dark as well as in the light moments… a soul that surrenders yet keeps working and striving for spiritual excellence (Ihsan). A soul At Peace!

Now, it is your turn, how do you want to feel in 2022?

Have a beautiful week.

October: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

28/9/2021

Breast cancer is the most common form of cancer among women and the second cause of cancer death after lung cancer. Recent genetic research points at breast cancer genes that, if present, might increase the risk of breast cancer. These studies show susceptibility, but do not explain how many women carrying those genes never develop breast cancer nor do they demonstrate how many women lacking the genes end up developing the disease. According to Dr. Lipton, the internationally recognized cell biologist and author of Biology of Belief, 95% of cancers are not caused by genetic inheritance. Environmental conditions and energetic makeup are major cause of cancer development. When cells are subjected to unfavorable environmental conditions (including toxins, nutritional deficiencies, emotional traumas, abuse…), they can’t perform optimally which may trigger those genes. If environmental conditions are under control (i.e. physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing) the genes won’t be triggered and the disease is never manifested.

Listen to your Body Whispers®

Breast cancer is associated with the heart chakra, our fourth energy centre. Breast cancer sufferers usually have a history of repressed love, mothering too much or too little, losing a loved one or being betrayed by a loved one. In most cases, they have a history of over nurturing others while neglecting or rather denying their own needs for love and care. Our body sends us messages… If we keep ignoring them, they keep getting louder and louder until the Whispers turn into screams…

Some time ago, I met a lovely 30-year-old lady who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was with her as she navigated the chaos of emotions: fear, helplessness, anger, depression… and as she suffered the pain of surgery, and the side effects of radiation and chemo. It was hard… extremely hard.
Yet, one day, she came back to see me. It was almost a year after her treatment has concluded. I will never forget her words: “you know, this cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was asleep and it woke me up.” She related how her illness gave her time to reflect on her life, her beliefs, and her values. She changed and she grew… And now, she was helping women on the same journey to navigate the pain and chaos of their illness and restore their life starting by the most important step: Awakening & Awareness.

Al-Harawy (d. 1089 C.E.), the Muslim scholar and Sufi mystic, described human beings as travelers on a life-long journey towards knowing God. His hundred-station journey starts with the most critical step: Awakening, which involves self-awareness and deep self-reflection. According to Al-Harawy, awakening initiates a life-long venture towards a sound heart, the center of human intellect that guides the way to the Straight Path.

How often does our life pass us by and go totally unnoticed? How often do we run on autopilot unaware and tumbling out of balance? Sometimes when we’re caught up in life challenges and pains, we miss those simple moments of awareness. Living our life with awareness allows us the opportunity to reflect on our trials and wounds. We do not bypass our pains, we do not deny our depression or brush away our fears; on the contrary, we learn to acknowledge our feelings; to savor every second of our life with its joys and sorrow, ups and downs; to live our life with gratitude and awe.

St. Teresa of Avila teaches “[God’s] voice reaches us through words spoken by good people, through listening to spiritual talks, and reading sacred literature. God calls to us in countless little ways all the time. Through illness and suffering and through sorrow He calls to us. Through a truth glimpsed fleetingly in a state of prayer He calls to us. No matter how half-hearted such insights may be, God rejoices whenever we learn what He is trying to teach us […] The important thing is not to think much but to love much, and so to do whatever best awakens you to love.”

Whether you are seeking personal healing and growth or you are a female Muslim Health Practitioner, Coach, or Therapist who is wondering how to get direction regarding her next personal or professional step…
It’s time to listen to your Body Whispers before they turn into Screams...

If you feel that it is time for you to embark on your Journey of healing & transformation… Let me help you find your authentic voice as you explore your personal story and experiences.

“Verily God will never change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves” (Quran,13:11)

Learn about my private counseling HERE. And if you feel inclined, contact me at info@amiraayad.com to set a 30 min free phone consult to see if and how I can help you.

Do you find it hard to trust?

15/6/2021

Our life is the journey of the soul towards God… A journey of love… Deepening the loving connection until you reach the ultimate destination… The Beloved (Al-Wadud) الودود
But, how can we love if we cannot trust. In the worldly life, to love and to trust means that you know, acknowledge, and accept that your heart might be broken - your loved one can abandon you, disappoint you, or he/she might die or fall ill.
In the same manner, we experience an agony when we commit to Divine love and trust… Yet, it is a different type of agony. we know that God won’t ever abandon us or disappoint us and He is the All -Present, the Living who never dies… yet sometimes, it feels like we’re alone, abandoned and deserted… We strive to understand “why” things happen
What we fail is that we are not supposed to understand… We are supposed to TRUST… But, can we blindly trust, though?
The first page of the Quran praises those who believe in the unseen — to trust we have to learn to see beyond our limited external senses.
Life is a series of paradoxes. We learn as we go along.. but the most valuable lesson is when we realize that it is impossible for us to see the whole picture, the whole wisdom, the full story.
We’re all caught in own tiny stories… we strive to enrich those stories with details and wisdom that we gather from the signs sent our way… Signs that we discern in ourselves and in the world around us - yet, we need to acknowledge our human limitations… We’ll never know it all. Prophet Abraham never knew that billions of Muslims will follow the path of the son he was ordered to leave in the desert of Arabia 1000s of years ago. Prophet Youssef never knew that his bothers casting him in the well will pave the way for the story of Moses who came out of the Egyptian land to stand against the tyranny of the Pharaoh.
To reach peace, we need to acknowledge that some stories have to be dropped and abandoned, some stories have to be left open ended - to be continued in another time and place, maybe in another era altogether or maybe never.
There is always a big picture, sometimes bigger than what we can ever see… We are to train the imagination faculty of our souls to fly high and see - yet we acknowledge that there is a ceiling that we can never cross no matter how hard we try…

Ramadan... Let's Tame the Elephant!

6/4/2021

Ramadan is approaching fast… One week to go.
In our daily life, our hearts grow unavoidably heavy, exhausted, and weary. Our fast-paced life, our endless mental chatter, our daily chores and tasks urge us to run and rush all day long. Even when we rest our bodies at the end of the day, we rarely give our minds a break. Our mind keeps running while watching the news, surfing the net, scanning social media, or following the latest soap opera. Once a year, Ramadan comes to help us reach inner peace in our hearts and souls. Ramadan is the perfect opportunity for soul regeneration, for renewing our intention and reconsidering our life mission and meaning. It is time when we are reminded to live in the moment, truly embrace our sacred connection with God, and let it touch our hearts and revive our souls. Once a year comes the time to recharge our spiritual energy, purify our hearts, and clear our minds along with ridding our bodies from toxic burdens. It is time for refueling and recharging for a whole year to come. But How?

Jonathan Haidt in his book The Happiness Hypothesis compared our subconscious mental reality to an elephant that has its own will. And, our analytical, logical conscious mind is the rider on the back of the elephant. The rider seems to hold the rein and direct the elephant right and left… But, don’t be fooled, the rider can never force the elephant into a direction it does not want to go. The elephant is the one running the show… If the rider wants to stay in control, he better tames the elephant… And the best way of doing that is by LISTENING to what the elephant needs.
On one hand, the elephant is wired for self-protection, he only sees what is directly in front of him. He feels immediate pains, seeks immediate pleasures, and is motivated by pure survival instincts (well, food and sex mainly!) … In other words, our elephant has the control button for dopamine release- our feeling good and motivation neurotransmitter. The rider, on the other hand, is a visionary. He can delay gratification for future upcoming success. Yet, he possesses limited strength. Long struggles against willpower exhaust him so his hands get loose on the reins and he lets the elephant roam freely.

In our everyday life, we exhaust our ‘rider’ by too many choices, decisions, and useless struggles… We end up stressed and drained because we wear ourselves out with 100s of little daily choices and temptations… from resisting this doughnut with our morning coffee to controlling our temper with daily traffic, to choosing the outfit that makes us look thin or sexy, to managing our cool with the new boss or new employee or teenage boy or toddler…. We face 100s of tiny choices, temptations, and self-control decisions that wear us out. Trying to just go through life with the illusion that only by willpower we can achieve everything is just that: An illusion.
We keep beating ourselves up because we are lazy, we are weak or we didn’t try hard enough. Cut yourself some slack… regardless of how hard you try or how strong you are you can never pull the elephant if he does not want to come along with you.
As we are talking about Ramadan, We have always learned that Ramadan fasting is there to strengthen this self-control muscle… it is there to train us to be more in control of our desires… but unfortunately, we got the mechanism all wrong… if we treat our fasting as a mere training of self-restriction and self-control… we will be further wearing off our self-control muscle… this is why we see fasting people in this holy month more irritable, stressed, angry, and doing all sort of wrong stuff that fasting should actually solve not cause.

For Muslims, Ramadan fasting is not a mere physical exercise that trains us to withstand hunger.
Neither is it a mere psychological exercise that trains us to control our desires, temptations and urges.
Rather, Ramadan fasting is first and foremost a spiritual practice. “O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may attain piety (God-consciousness).” (Quran, 2: 183)

Training our self-control muscles does not mean pulling harder on the rein and fighting the elephant. On the contrary, it means making peace with this elephant and motivating him to walk the path we want to walk.
We can only do that if we slow down, silence the chatter, purify our hearts, and LISTEN.
We can only do that if we reach inner peace within our hearts and souls.
This peace is achieved by slowing down and silencing the mind chatter… reaching this inner stillness in an increasingly noisy world. The silence we cultivate should strengthen our connection with God, with ourselves, with our family, with the whole society, and with our life meaning and purpose.

So, as we are approaching the holy month, I invite you to slow down… relax… take a deep breath… roll back your shoulders… and LISTEN! Deep inside, your heart knows its path… it knows its mission, it knows its direction and its ultimate purpose… You just need to LISTEN… The silence you cultivate will strengthen your connection with your purpose, will refine your intention, and add to your sincerity.
And, of course, we cannot ignore that “elephant in the room! The pandemic… For the second time, Ramadan is coming during these challenging times. As we won’t be able to congregate in the mosques; and extended families and friends won’t be allowed to gather over dinner tables, this Ramadan offers yet another special opportunity for deeper reflection, deeper connection with God, and deeper restoration of the soul focusing on Divine love and service.

Embracing the wisdom of your feminine cycle

26/2/2021

Since the dawn of civilization, women intuitively knew about that ‘time of the month’ when they were more vulnerable. Not just physically, but also emotionally. They knew that there is a time when they needed more support, love and care; another time when they may need to be more self-centered (not selfish), introverted and reflective. And, there are other times when they are more sociable, giving, creative and expressive. Women’s menstrual cycles express these different needs at different times of the month; and women in all traditional and ancient cultures intuitively knew and followed its natural flow.

And, since the dawn of civilization, women also intuitively knew about that ‘time of life’ when they grow wiser and emotionally and spiritually stronger and braver. In traditional cultures, menopausal years are empowering years of wisdom and experiences, they relate the story of a soul reconnecting with its ultimate source of wisdom!

To regain the health of your second chakra, you need to learn from this traditional women’s wisdom. You need to stop suppressing your feelings with legitimate distractions and sweet indulgences and silencing your pain with pain “killers”. You need to listen to your Body Whispers® and follow your intuitive wisdom.

This week, let’s delve into the meanings and wisdoms of our feminine cycle… Let’s learn how to flow with its delicate nature and tune in to the valuable whispers our body is sending us every month

The female menstrual cycle with its regular repeated pattern of hormonal change carries regular repeated pattern of emotional change. It holds much more than the physical reproductive power. It holds the power of producing ideas, meaning, missions, and changes. By understanding its pattern, you can access your own deeply held feelings and needs, you can listen to your body and understand what is bothering you, what is annoying you, what makes you stressed, unhappy, sad, or frustrated and thus learn how to align your steps back on the right track.

Emotionally and spiritually speaking, we can divide the female menstrual cycle into four phases:

1. The Follicular Phase: Preparation & Exploration

Follicular phase: starts with the period (day 1 of the bleeding) and ends by ovulation (mid cycle around day 13)

Follicular phase is the time when the eggs are ripening in women ovaries. At this time of the month your

Estrogen is balanced
Progesterone is low

Women at this time of the month are in their nurturing mode. They have the energy and mental ability for nurturing others… other people, other ideas, other projects… They are in the peak of their self-expression, quite sociable and outgoing. They are full of enthusiasm, open to new ideas, experimentation, explorations and experiences. Their left-brain logical thinking is dominating, so they seem very understanding, able to plan, analyze and organize their life and their work. They have full control over their thoughts and actions knowing what to say and what to hold back.

2. Ovulation: Illumination
Ovulation occurs around day 12 or 13 of the cycle. This is when the creative nurturing and exploration that took place during the first follicular phase is ready to give its fruit. A balance in the left-right sides of the brain (analytical-holistic thinking) is taking place and your ideas become clearer. You seem to suddenly understand life much better.

The ovulation is initiated by a rise in two hormones secreted from the pituitary gland in our brain (FSH and LH). These hormones cause your estrogen level to rise. Estrogen, besides being essential for ovulation, is also a brain messenger that stimulates your left-brain activity… more logical thinking, verbal fluency and understanding. At the same time, testosterone is secreted to increase libido. Again, testosterone is not merely a sex hormone, it enhances your visual-spatial mental powers, functions of your right brain.
So now at this time of the month, you become sexually attractive and more receptive to the outside world, more willing to care and being cared for, to give and receive love. You are more relaxed, content and understanding. You are in the peak of your mental and emotional creativity with clear view and ideas.
It is like when the egg is ready for fertilization in our uterus, we are also emotionally and mentally fertile land for creative and innovative insights.
We came to look at this stage of our menstrual cycle as “the good stage” since we are much more valued by the outside world.

3. Then comes the Luteal Phase with its Premenstrual Nightmare: Incubation & Percolation
If no fertilization takes place, the cycle continues. The sexual phase is wrapped up and preparations are made in the uterus (and the body) for another cycle.

The Luteal phase starts with ovulation and continues after that with all the premenstrual or PMS days ending when we start the bleeding again signalling the beginning of the new cycle.

During the luteal phase, and before the period, estrogen levels drop.
Estrogen is known to increase the production rate and receptor density of serotonin (your feeling good neuropeptide), dopamine (your motivation hero), epinephrine and nor epinephrine (your stress-managing hormones) and Beta-endorphins (your natural morphines). So when estrogen drops, all those neuropetide levels drop with it… This explains the low mood, low motivation and low tolerance of the PMS time of the month.
During the luteal phase, the sudden drop of estrogen leads to progesterone dominance. Progesterone is responsible for calming down your brain chatter and cooling off your brain over excitement. Nature is designed this way to actually give us access to more clarity and calming time… This phase of your cycle is actually a blessing, a gift… you can see it as a little window that opens every month for you to peek into your intuitive wisdom and see more clearly. If you tune in and trust your Body Whispers®, you will see that this phase is there to give you a much needed time for yourself. Time to calm down and shift your focus inward. This is a right-brain oriented time, an invitation to see the ‘big picture’, to reflect and ponder.

The luteal phase is the perfect chance for whole life integration, for a holistic view. It initiates a meditation and evaluation mode that makes you wonder: what did I achieve so far? What needs to change in my life? What aspects of my work/relationship/social life aren’t working for me?
The luteal phase is there to tell you that you need to slow down in order for you to hear your intuitive voice and heed your inner wisdom.

During the follicular phase, your left-brain was more active, your logical thinking and analytical mind were alert, you were able to calculate your steps and rethink your words before uttering them, you knew what to say and what to hold back. During the Luteal phase, though, you find it harder to control your emotions and hold back your anger and tongue slips. This is the phase when you are harshly judged by your surroundings or highly medicated to turn off those inner whispers that society usually find inappropriate.

Telling a depressed, furious or anxious PMS sufferer to learn “self-control” or “manage her stress”, is like adding fuel to a raging fire… not only useless, but highly damaging. The debris that surface during this time of the month are but signs and warnings… your subconscious is sending you messages through your Body Whispers®. Silencing the messages is like shooting the messenger. The debris will still be there, but instead of rising to the surface, you are sending them inward to wreak havoc not only on your emotions but also on your physical body.

We all need to slow down and listen, we need to notice and learn, we need to connect with our inner wisdom and there is no better time to do that than our pre-menstrual window. During your luteal phase, your intuition is at its peak. You just need to tune in and trust. Journaling is most essential and most valuable at this time of the cycle. It helps you discover the missing elements in your life, unveil your hidden fears, worries, and bottled emotions and see clearly once more.

If we refuse to slow down and listen, the calming down of this time of the cycle turns into isolation and repression… and you end up with mood swings, anxiety, overwhelm, and depression.

4. Menses: Organization & Reorientation
The first day of bleeding starts our next cycle. The period is a biological and physiological cleansing phase. As your uterus is shedding its lining to prepare itself for a new cycle, it is time for you to start shedding your fears, anger, and worries; and reorienting your life for a new beginning.
Menstruation is the ultimate time for letting go of what is troubling you, of your negative feelings, destructive emotions, fears, frustrations, blames, shame and grief. It is the ultimate time for reorientation, reorganization and ridding yourself of old baggage.

Take a moment now to tune into your body and reflect…

Which phase of the cycle are you in?
How to you feel, emotionally, physically and mentally?
Is there any part of your life/ of your soul that needs your attention?

About the Author

Hi, I'm Amira... I'm all for simple, natural, uncomplicated life... My core values are derived from my Islamic faith... My definition of wellness includes lots of smiles, human interactions, delicious food, music, joy, colorful paint, Mediterranean sunshine, blue sky and turquoise sea, care, love, compassion and deep heart-felt peace.
I love learning… I love books and art supplies… And, I am saddened by human conflict and intolerance.

I am an introvert who loves being around people... I love building communities and gathering around the kitchen table... I am a teacher at heart... I simplify complex health science and speak openly about heart and soul stuff...
I've been helping people on their health and healing journey for more than 20 years now and I am committed to be authentic, caring and a beacon of love and peace.

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