​The Arabic word for choice is Ikhtiyar, which has its root in Khayr. Khayr means goodness. In other words, choice is not considered a choice if it is not rooted in goodness.
This opens a whole other debate about what is considered good.
A simple answer would be, as the Prophet taught, “Consult your heart.”
Deep in our hearts (our souls) we know good from evil. Yet, only a pure heart can truly discern the difference.
Rumi compares the heart to a mirror that reflects the Divine light - it needs continuous polishing to keep it from getting rusted and darkened.
“Love wants its tale revealed to everyone,
But your heart’s mirror won’t reflect this sun.
Don’t you know why you can’t perceive it here?
Your heart’s mirror is rusty - scrape it clear!”
- Rumi, MI: 34

This is not an easy task. Most of the debris that clouds the mirror starts as invisible tiny specks, unnoticeable and undetectable. They build up with every tiny choice we make in life. With time, as they accumulate, they opacify the face of the mirror - and like the boiling frog - the process falls out of our conscious awareness until it is too late.
Polishing our hearts is a lifelong endeavor. It is the greatest struggle and the ultimate task of a human being.

This month story is a traditional Egyptian tale passed down from generation to generation. It is attributed to Dhu-l-nun Al-Misry (d. 859 C.E.)

Once upon a time, a wise saint warned his people that on a certain day, in a certain time, all the waters in the world will change… The water left for humankind will drive anyone who drinks it insane. He called upon his people to build barrels, reservoirs and basins to collect and store their pure fresh water, as when this day comes, the world’s waters will no longer be safe to drink.

Only one man took this advice to heart. He collected water and stored it up high on the mountain tops. Moons and moons passed – no one knows exactly how many… All we know is that on the designated day, as the mystic had warned, the rivers stopped flowing, the land parched and the wells dried up.  The man who had listened saw it all happening. He rushed to his sanctuary and lived on the water he saved.

Not long after, the land was restored and the canals flew again but this time it was different. The man descended from the mountain to find his people thinking and talking in a funny way, a different way… yet, no one found it funny or different, no one remembered the saint’s warning… no one noticed that the water tasted different. In fact, everyone thought this man is mad. No one knew what he was talking about. Some people reacted in sympathy, others were aggressive, but they all agreed that he was the crazy one.

Our man retreated again to his sanctuary and drank from his safe water. But, he felt lonely, so lonely and alienated. Eventually, he found no way out but to come down and drink from their waters… He soon forgot about his water stores and became one of the crowds. His people embraced him in delight. They celebrated and rejoiced as the poor mad man miraculously regained his sanity!
​

I honestly don’t know what to make of this story especially during the heart-breaking times we live in. I am sure there is a deeper wisdom here that I am not able to fully grasp yet. But, what I know for sure is that it is not about giving up or helplessness. It is rather about deep faith and certainty (or lack thereof). Letting Go is different from giving up.

This poor man has given up - Rather, he needed to let go… He needed to let go of trying to change what he cannot change. He needed to know the difference and find his unique role and contribution without losing himself or his people.

Charles Upton writes “When you find yourself in a state of fear or grief over the evil of the world, the degeneration of humanity, and the ruin of the earth […] Remember: The World is Perfect.” “Stop trying to maintain the world in existence by the power of your ego. Let it go.” “In other words, Upton Adds, the Messiah is already here. He has always been here. In each spiritual moment, the world comes fresh from the hand of the Creator. As God is perfect, so His expression is perfect – if, that is, we can witness it, with all its wonders and horrors, as His immediate manifestation.”
​

The art exercise this month is simple: Draw your anger!

Express your anger on paper – use anything you want: paint, colors, shapes, images, symbols, scribbles, words… you can even tear down the pages or trash them… take your time, don’t rush and don’t force it. Don’t suppress it either – put it all there on the pages.

Now, look at your art:

• What color did you choose? What shape?
• What symbols peak through?
• How does expressing the anger on paper make you feel?
• Repeat the exercise every day for a week – notice how the anger evolves, transmutes, increases or decreases…

Our anger is just a signpost, a warning sign… We can’t help but feeling it at times. It is not good or bad in itself. what we choose to do with it, though, can be good or ugly.

​Here are three pages of my journal over the past week... It changed... transmuted... Yet still, it is a work in progress...

Heartache!

The heat of anger arises from the heart. Its fire can consume our hearts if we allow it. It can burn us and our loved ones alive.
​
Pause. Breathe. Listen to your heart. What does it want to tell you?

This traditional Sufi poetry by Hallaj (d. 922 C.E.) had kept me company during the past two weeks:

وَاللَه ما طَلَعَت شَمسٌ وَلا غَرُبَت
إِلّا وَحُبُّكَ مَقرونٌ بِأَنفاسي
وَلا جَلستُ إِلى قَومٍ أُحَدِّثُهُم
إِلّا وَأَنتَ حَديثي بَينَ جُلّاسي
وَلا ذَكَرتُكَ مَحزوناً وَلا فَرِحاً
إِلّا وَأَنت بِقَلبي بَينَ وِسواسي
وَلا هَمَمتُ بِشُربِ الماءِ مِن عَطَشٍ
إِلّا رَأَيتُ خَيالاً مِنكَ في الكَاسِ
وَلَو قَدَرتُ عَلى الإِتيانِ جِئتُكُم
سَعياً عَلى الوَجهِ أَو مَشياً عَلى الرَاسِ
وَيا فَتى الحَيِّ إِن غَنّيتَ لي طَرَباً
فَغَنّنّي وأسِفاً مِن قَلبِكَ القاسي
مالي وَلَلناسِ كَم يَلحونَني سَفَهاً
ديني لِنَفسي وَدينُ الناسِ لِلناسِ

It can be loosely translated as:

By God, the sun never rises nor sets
Without me breathing in Your love;
And, I never turn to talk to anyone
Without You being my words among people;
And, I never mention You in sadness or in joy
Without You being in my heart, among my every whisper;
And, I never reached out, thirsty, for a sip of water
Without seeing an apparition from You in my cup.
If only I am able to reach You, I would come
Crawling on my face or walking on my head.
Oh, you boy who sings to me in ecstasy
Sing of my sorrows from your cruel heart.
What is it about me that people accuse me of insanity
I have my faith and they have theirs.


You can hear it beautifully chanted here:

This month, we’ll resume  our series: Art, Stories & Body Whispers® .

As you know by now, to follow along, you will need a blank-page journal or sketch book and some basic colours or collage materials. Every month we will explore a theme using art exercise and stories, sometimes I will suggest songs, poetry,  or traditional wisdom that will add some insight to the theme. Finally, we’ll discuss common Body whispers® related to the theme we are exploring.

This month is about soul yearning and daring to live.

Years ago, my cousins and I used to rent a small boat from the shores of the Alexandrian sea. The fisherman would warn us, “you can row far and wide, but never cross the boughaz (the inlet)” – this was a small opening in the wall of the breakwater rocks that the city had instilled years ago to protect its shores from the raging sea…. The Alexandrian coastlines were thus tamed and peaceful. Still, its sea was vast and wide… you can safely row for hours and hours and stop your boat to fish and cast your net… You’re safe and protected as long as you don’t cross the inlet - the boughaz!
Yet, crossing we did… EVERY SINGLE TIME… We couldn’t help it… Those bunch of rebellious kids who wanted to experiment with the unknown. As soon as we got the hang of our tiny boat, we row and row away from the shore and out of sight right through the boughaz… it’s a whole new world out there, a magical feeling. In just a few seconds, you are thrown into the wild and the Mediterranean shows its true face, its untamed and scary side. It is much more alive than the boring smooth waters of the safe coastlines. Once we've tried it, we could never enjoy the tamed sea again… we had to cross the inlet every time we’re out in the sea… and, it was our little secret. The beauty, serenity, and the peacefulness of the vast blue waters that meant the world to everyone, was but a boring illusion that kept us away from the true taste of the mysterious world – a world with no boundaries – the true Mediterranean – the True Sea, we yearned for.

Decades later, I am wondering where this adventurous rebellious girl went… I can’t remember how many times I surfed art supplies stores buying art supplies and stocking them in my already busy drawers and tool boxes. When I decide to finally paint, I open my tool box, gaze at my endless materials and think: “No… these are too precious, I’ll save them for a more serious project.” And, guess what! This ‘more serious project’ never comes. My paints, glue cans, and mediums wait in their safe storage until they dry up and flake, until they turn from precious to useless waiting for the ‘perfect moment’ that never came, and may never come.
Of course “art supplies” here are but a metaphor for everything in life… every new adventure, opportunity, dream, passion… that we stock in our safe drawers waiting of the perfect time. Kind of like the story of the poor fisherman throwing away the big fishes he catches as he only has a tiny frying pan at home. The big fishes just won’t fit!!!

The most important lesson I learned from my art classes at the faculty of Fine Art back home is to be bold, to take risks. You are faced with a blank canvas, you could paint it any way you wish. If you choose dull, monotonous colors just to ‘be on the safe side’, you will end up with a boring lifeless painting. “What if I mess up? What if I used the wrong colors?” I asked. “Just add a fresh new layer,” my professor calmly answered. Accidental mistakes and bad choices in art, like in life, are revealing strokes. They teach us and force us out of our comfort zone, “see them not as mistakes, rather as opportunities,” my professor taught.

I’m wondering whether the beauty, safety, and comfort of our modern life became but a boring illusion… a veil that denies our soul its yearning of crossing the boughaz, of reaching out for its True Sea?

You might have already guessed our art project for today… Open up a new page spread in your art journal and just pour a blob of random paint - any random color… better yet a color that you don’t really care for.
Then, close the journal while the paint is still wet and open it up again.
Now that you created a mess, use more colours, paint, scribbles, collage, whatever you fancy and turn this blob of random mess into a monster. Yes, a monster!

Remember, there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Your art could be realistic or abstract… don’t worry about the drawing skills… don’t worry about colouring inside the lines, perspective or proportions… just freely capture the feelings you are experiencing.
Take your time and then jot down any words that come to mind.

Now, look at your art:

• What colour did you use? What texture? What shapes?
• How strong, sharp, heavy or light are the colours, lines and shapes?
• Who or what is your monster? How strong, sharp, heavy or light is it?
• What is he/she trying to push you to do? Or prevent you from doing?
• How scary is your monster? How big is it?
• What triggers it?
• What calms it down?
• How does it block/ stand in your way?
• If you want to add yourself to the page, where would you be?

Here is a song, you might enjoy while painting your monster:
Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying

Rumi gives the simile:

“When you load your cargo on a ship, you do
that with full trust God keeps it safe for you.
You don’t know whether you might drown
Or, you’ll be saved from ever sinking down.
If you say, ‘till I know which one I’ll be
I won’t go on the ship or in the sea,
I need to know if I’ll be drowned
Reveal to me if I’ll arrive safe and sound?
I won’t embark on a journey with all the unknown
The truth to me has to be clearly shown.’
No trade will be accomplished, then, by you
Because the answer is hidden far from view.
The frightened merchant with a fragile nature
Finds neither loss nor profit in his venture.”

Reflection & Journaling prompts:

• Name your fears

There are so many ways your body can whisper to you that your soul is yearning for more out of life… You need to sit and listen. Everyone is unique.
Yet, usually, the parts of the body that get affected when we deny our life passions and yearnings, when we let our fears prevent us from pursuing what we are called to pursue, are the sexual organs and the thyroid.

• Sex organs & female hormonal imbalance - things like PMS, hot flashes, uterine fibroids, PCOS, and ovarian cysts... are trying to tell you that you are missing joy, excitement & creativity in your life.
• Throat & thyroid whispers want to tell you that you need to be heard; you need to reclaim your authentic voice. This area is also related to issues with surrender and learning to align our will to the Divine will without compromising or giving up on your dream nor ignoring your voice.

​There is an old Sufi tale about a Stream that flowed freely for years. It is said that he began his journey from up there in the mountains far far away… He passed through hilltops and lowlands… He survived ditches and travelled plains … until one day, he reached the desert.

The Stream has been through a lot on his journey and was certain that he can pull through this one too. So, he tried and tried; and the more he tried to cross the desert, the faster he kept sinking into its Sands… the Stream’s waters were disappearing and the Stream was gradually fading away… it was scary!

The Stream knew that he was meant to cross the desert… but, he had no idea how… And, he began to wonder why… Why was he facing such a hard task?  Why can’t he just continue flowing as he used to? This is when the Stream heard a gentle subtle voice that seems to come from afar … the voice whispered: “the Wind crosses the desert, so can you.”
“But, the Wind can fly,” replied the Stream, “it can flow over those harsh arid Sands that keep sucking the life out of me.”
“Maybe you’re pushing too hard,” whispered the voice,
“maybe you need to let go… To trust.”
“But, what would I be if I let go?” Wondered the Stream. 
“If you just allow yourself to be absorbed in the Wind, it can happily carry you to wherever you are meant to be.”
The Stream fiercely objected, letting go meant losing control… it meant facing the unknown… it meant embracing the change that is taking place … a scary ambiguous change.
Yet, what will he be if he does not let go? Continuing to push against the harshness of the Sands is futile. He will soon be absorbed away or turned into a swampland. 

It was a hard choice to make… After all, the Stream only knew one way of flowing… one way of knowing. All his life, he has been flowing in his old familiar way… he has been knowing in his old knowable way... he was free, or so, he thought… he had never relinquished his control before… “Will I remain the same Stream that I am today?”

“Your essence will never change… whether you become a new stream, a lake, or a river… whether you choose to sink in the Sands or turn into swamp or marsh... you are and will always remain you… your secret… your most essential you.”

“How do I know that this is true?”

“You need to trust.”

The Stream was more confused than ever… So many questions needed to be asked. But, the answer did not come from the faraway whispers this time, the answer came from deep within. The Stream vaguely remembered once upon a time far faraway when he was held by the caring Wind… it felt safe… it felt true… or, did it? 

And, the Stream allowed his waters to be absorbed in the Wind… and, the Wind gently carried the waters to the mountaintops far faraway. The Stream was watching and learning... He was flowing like he had never flown before… He was knowing like he had never known before...
The Stream still did not know where the Wind is carrying him… And, he still did not know what or how he’ll end up being… But, it felt true… it felt real… it felt safe. The Stream somehow knew that he still was and will always remain the Stream that he had always been and he also knew that he no longer was and will never remain the Stream he had ever been.

And, on his journey up to the mountaintops, he heard the familiar gentle voice whisper again, “We have always known, because we see it happen all the time."
And, this is why it is said that the journey of your Stream of Life is written in the Sands.


*The story is from Tales of the Dervishes by Idris Shah

Reflection & Journaling Prompts:

• What do you need to let go of?
• What is your relationship with trust?
• Do you trust yourself and your judgements?
• Do you trust God? What does trusting Him means to you?

“If tomorrow morning by stroke of magic every dazed and benighted soul woke up with the power to take the first step toward pursuing his or her dreams, every shrink in the directory would be out of business.” Steven Pressfield
What “first step” you need to take now towards pursuing your dream?

If you are anything like me, I find change very hard... any change... so, now after the 30 days of the holy month are over, I need time to resettle into my daily life...

To start getting back into my routine I needed some mindfulness practice. And, my favorite is Art journaling.

I’ve kept an art practice for years… I’ve always used visual art as a form of meditation, stress management, and self-exploration... But, it was only a few years back when I realized that I have been documenting my life in those pieces. I have always seen and interpreted my world within the pages of my art journals - my visual representation was an attempt to make sense of a very complicated (or maybe rich) reality that I struggled to make sense of.
In the Quran, God tells us: “We will show them Our signs in the horizons [the universe] and within themselves until it is evident to them that it is the Truth.” (Q. 41: 53)

سَنُرِيهِمْ آيَاتِنَا فِي الْآفَاقِ وَفِي أَنفُسِهِمْ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَهُمْ أَنَّهُ الْحَقُّ (فصلت ٥٣)
My art practice was my humble attempt to discern those Signs that God was sending me “in the horizons”. And, my Body Whispers’ teaching was an attempt to discern those Signs “within ourselves.”

Avicenna (Ibn Sina), the famous Muslim physician (d. 1037 C.E.) saw that, in addition to our five external senses, our soul has amazing 5 inner senses that help us “see” the world and connect to its higher meaning and purpose. One of those inner senses is Imagination (Al-khayāl). In our Western culture, we might be familiar with creativity and intuition, but Al-khayāl goes way deeper than that. Imagination (Al-khayāl), according to Avicenna, is the power that bridges the soul (al-nafs) to the Spirit (al-ruh), it connects us to the higher wisdom, the sacred Divine Breath within us.

Yet, this Imagination (Al-khayāl) needs to be trained for it to be able to discern the signs, to speak the language of symbolism and archetypes, and for this, it needs reflection, creative practices, silence & mindfulness, and self-awareness & awakening.
And, like all faculties of the soul, Imagination (Al-khayāl) also needs to be tamed, and this is the role of the heart - a pure, sincere heart is our gateway for a whole magical world of imagination - a world that strengthens our connection with our Creator as we see His Signs everywhere “in the horizons” and “within ourselves.”

Maybe I will be brave enough to share some pages of my art journals with you …

For now, I highly encourage you to start your own mindfulness practice… Open up to the universe and it will open up to you! Let your imagination roam freely.
Have a beautiful week,

Do you feel that something is wrong with your body but you cannot quite define it?
Your lab results are normal. The doctors tell you that it is all in your head or maybe it is just stress. Yet, in your heart, you’re just not ‘you’.
Or, maybe you’ve been diagnosed with a chronic disease. You took medicine after medicine with no sign of relief. Some symptoms are fading; yet, you’re still tired, exhausted, and depleted. You lack energy… You’ve lost the zest of life, motivation, and enthusiasm.
Or, you’ve just recovered from a serious illness, life trauma, or grief. People praise you for how brave and resilient you have been. Your doctor tells you that you can finally get off your meds; you don’t need them any more… Yet, deep inside, you still feel depleted and weak. You’ve tried to eat healthy, live healthy, exercise, and sleep early. You’ve tried all the supplements, herbs and superfoods your friends and nutritionists recommended. Yet, you still have a deep feeling of unrest and unease. You start feeling helpless and discouraged with all your seemingly endless complaints that no one acknowledges. You start believing that this is the norm and you just have to get used to those body aches and pains... you have to get used to this brain fog, chronic exhaustion, anxiety, and depressive mood...
Your body communicates to you in a way that is uniquely yours—it is the sum of your experiences, memories, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. You are the only one who can decode those Whispers… You are the only one who can devise your healing plan. Start by listening… What is your body trying to tell you?
​

Are you feeling stuck, tired, and depleted? You cared for everyone and about everything. You have put your dreams on hold for so long that you don’t even remember what they were any more. Or, you might have achieved many successes, climbed the corporate ladder, took care of the home and the kids… and feel that you should be happy… but you are not.
 
Inside you, there is something missing… the joy… the excitement of everyday life… you are feeling incomplete, un-fulfilled… maybe even depressed, bored, or lonely… You are hungry for more… more joy, more love, more peace, more energy, more impact in the world… You crave excitement… You crave passion.
 
You’ve tried in the past to fight depression, random aches and pains, brain fog, or chronic illness and fatigue but failed… You are still feeling stuck, depleted and overwhelmed… You still feel lost, unfulfilled, and are hungry for more despite all your efforts. You’ve been wondering why you just can’t manage to live joyfully, excited and inspired… Dear exhausted soul, if you’ve been concerned that you just can’t find motivation and passion that make you jump out of bed in the morning looking forward to the new day, it is not your fault.
 
I don’t want you to lose sight of your dream. … I know you have a dream … that’s why you’re here reading those words. It doesn’t matter whether it is a big or a small dream… Whether you just want to be happy or pain-free or you want to heal yourself or embark on a mission to heal the world… regardless of the size of your dream… it is important to you and I believe you can make it a living reality.
But, what matters the most, do you believe you can make your dream a living reality?
 
David Feinstein in his book The Promise of Energy Psychology, says that in order to change our life, we need first to be receptive for this change. While we logically accept and wish for those positive changes (like being happy, losing weight, healing our body, taming with our anger, calming our anxiety…) many of us hold this inner conflict that is unconsciously running the show, blocking our progress and hindering our healing.
 
Don’t underestimate this subconscious resistance. It cannot be simply overcome by will power, in fact, the harder you try, the tougher the resistance becomes… The more strictly you hold on to that diet, the more stubborn those fat cells become in holding on to your waist line… the stronger you push to hold your temper and repeat those mantras, the louder those anger bursts erupt at the most unexpected time… Your relentless efforts produce opposite results as your subconscious is trying to protect you at all cost. It is trying to hold on to some values or beliefs you acquired years back and don’t even realize they existed… “Those fats will keep men away, so I won’t be hurt by another failed love story”; “This anger keeps me safe in a hostile world”; “This drama feeds my muse”… Those are the inner stories that run in our heads all the time…To heal, you need to unravel those deeply held tales… you need to challenge them, you need to change the story you run in your head and write your own new version…