Sometimes, I find it difficult to live with full awareness and mindfulness in our modern reality – especially with the street filled with absent-minded cartoon hunters looking for Pokémon!

Stress became a common denominator in our every day life. And with stress we’ve gradually lost our ability to enjoy and savour life.

A study by UCLA found that women respond to stress differently than man. In addition to the famous fight and flight response, we, women, experience what the researchers called ‘tend and befriend’ response… This is an innate healing mechanism that makes us go out and seek fiends to talk to and chat with and seek others in pain, need or distress to help and nurture…

Historically, this ‘tend and befriend’ was an amazing natural remedy that generates enough oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin to lift our mood and re-motivate us into action. But, today, this is not the case any longer… “befriending’ shifted from the cozy, warm, caring kitchen table into the vain, competitive coffee mornings where we compare the latest iPhone models, fashion styles , restaurant and desserts… Befriending became empty gatherings where everyone seeks to gain ‘something’ out of it even on the expense of others. We’re depleted and exhausted so we go on a full survival mode and all we do is suck energy out of each other.

Even ‘tending’ is no longer a volunteer, heart-felt act that kept us in touch with our blessings and filled our hearts with genuine satisfaction and gratitude… It became another marketing tool, marketing our ego: ‘see how good and generous I am’ it says. Instead of filling our well, we deplete it even further.

No more! Let’s today decide to stop this endless race… let’s today decide to live with full awareness and mindfulness… But, how?

We need to Slow Down!

“But I have so much to do, endless lists… work… kids… studies… responsibilities… You don’t understand!”

I do. Believe me. I have my share as well. We all do. And, the only thing that works is actually slowing down…Believe me, it works… It worked for me, for 100s of women I taught and for 1000s of my readers…

Take 10 minutes every morning to put down all your thoughts on paper… Brain dump, as a friend of mine calls it. Write down everything, even your to-dos and tasks, your pains and complains… it is all fine… even whining is fine. After all this fog is dumped, clarity will start to shine again.

For many of us, the fog could be so thick that it will take weeks or even months to lift… Keep going… Please don’t stop and don’t doubt the process… keep going even when you feel this is leading no where… keep going even when you feel tired, depleted and exhausted… especially if you feel tired, depleted and exhausted.. Keep going… 10 minutes every morning just 10 minutes… you owe it to yourself, this will do all the difference believe me!

Soon you’ll see your dreams, your hopes, your blessings and your loved ones resurface on those pages… soon you’ll find that the day has more hours and the time is slowing down… What you are slowing down is not your action, it’s your endless mind chatter that goes on and on and on up there…
Soon, you will find clarity… you will find answers…

And, whenever you find yourself caught in the ‘tend and befriend’ response ask yourself: “Is it real friendship that adds meaning to my life and supports me?”
“is it real ‘tending’ that adds meaning to others’ life and supports them?”If it is not ‘real’ than you don’t need it in your life!

​It is very hard to decide to end some relationships… but, as you are trying to stand up on your feet again, as you are struggling to find your way out of the dark tunnel, you are vulnerable, you are depleted… You cannot afford those croaking toads around you who keep reminding you of how ungrateful, how un-appreciative and how selfish you are… You can’t afford those grumbling crowd who keep chanting how unlucky you are, how weak you are or how cruel the world is outside your comfort ‘safe’ zone… You can’t afford those seemingly ‘caring’ friends who keep telling you to stop trying because failure is so hard and you don’t want to end up with a broken heart and spirit…
 
They may be well-intending… they may be caring… they may have good hearts, I know… and, this what makes the decision even harder… but, what in life isn’t hard my friend? Sometimes, we need to protect our vulnerable soul in order to keep going… Sometimes, we need to stop listening to those negative feedback, lame advice, blame and shame in order to give ourselves the chance to heal…
 
By ending relationships, I certainly do not mean severing ties, especially when those are family… I mean defining your boundaries… clearly stating what you will and will not accept… clearly stating what hurts you from their words and unsolicited advice and what you are not willing to hear any longer…
 
Protect your heart and soul by keeping your dreams, efforts, hopes and plans to yourself… Be very selective when you choose who you will share your dreams with… a dream in its start is a faint candle light, it can be extinguished by any slight blow… Protect your dream… Protect your light.

How to make yourself step out of bed in the morning? How to push yourself to start when everything seems to go the wrong way… When your body aches, your brain fails you and your heart bleeds? How to keep going even when no light can be seen outside the dark tunnel you’ve been living in for ages?

The answer is very hard… It’s hard because there is no magic pill for heartbreak, desperation or life struggles… Yet, there is a universal prescription: Just Do It!
 
By Just Do It I don’t mean to force yourself to do the daily chores that deplete you even further and I am certainly not asking you to smother yourself in in a fake gratitude and satisfaction bubble that self-help gurus advocate and which end up by you beating yourself up for not being good enough and not having enough will power… It is not about being good enough… it is not about how spiritual, evolved or grateful you are…
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Sometimes our souls are so depleted, our hearts are barren and our bodies just purely ache… We’re human… when we reach this rock bottom, the least we can do is acknowledge our human weakness and vulnerability… the least we can do is stop beating ourselves up for not being good enough… the least we can do is start loving ourselves a bit more, caring for ourselves a bit more… this is the start…. Pause… Breathe… And, take the decision now… The decision to take care of ‘You’… to nurture ‘You’… to love ‘You’… this is not selfishness… You are worthy… you are enough… you are loved by the Divine who created you and He will protect you, guide you and take care of you… you only have to take this decision… the decision to Just Do It! Gently, slowly but steadily Just Do It!

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Over and over again we keep reminding ourselves about the importance of trust and belief… Trust that life is purposeful, that everything has a higher meaning and motive… And, belief that we are loved, guided and protected at every step along our journey…

Yet, one question is surfacing over and over again: ‘Why?’… Why do we suffer? Why are there so much struggle, pain, turmoil and suffering in life?
Even angels curiously asked God upon the creation of man: Why? “Why do you want to place on earth a creature who will cause corruption and shed so much blood?”
 And, God’s answer was: “Truly, I know what you do not know”

Human beings are gifted with the blessings of intellect and choice… We have the choice whether to experience the Divine’s beautiful attributes of peace, justice, compassion, love, forgiveness, wisdom and power…
But, think about it. Can we really feel the beauty of love, care, and forgiveness if we did not, one day, experience hate, anger or frustration? Can we really feel the beauty of peace if we did not at one point in our life experience oppression, pain or struggle?
Suffering is an integral part of life. It is not there to punish us; it is there to teach us… Suffering exists and will forever exist not for us to struggle but to learn and grow…

You may work hard and still not earn enough to sustain your family; you may experience pain or fall ill; you may lose a loved one; your partner may have broken your heart or your spouse abandoned you; or may be you suffer oppression or the turmoil of wars and injustice…

Let’s try a mental shift… a middle ground between helplessness and inflexible fight… Let’s try to embrace the suffering as part of our learning journey, as part of a bigger picture, a higher meaning… We can only do that when we hold unconditional trust that God did not and will not put us through a challenge that we cannot handle… we can only do that when we hold unconditional trust that God loves us and that this love can come in a way that we may not grab at time yet we need to trust that it is always there…
We are always loved, we are always protected, we are always guided every step along our journey… We need to trust that we have all what it takes to go through the life difficulty we’re experiencing and still come out stronger on the other side… we will be able to go through it and navigate life with our trust and belief… with God’s love and guidance.

All the beautiful Divine attributes of love, care, forgiveness, peace and compassion… all are born out of suffering, choice and reason… the main 3 gifts that only we, human beings, are blessed with.
Professor Jeffery Lang says “When we consider reaching out to someone in compassion, it’s inconceivable without the presence of an environment in which they are suffering and when we decide we are going to help them or not, we reason in our mind what will this require of me… It’s going to require some suffering on my part, some giving of myself and without that mental process, it doesn’t become a compassionate deed.”

When you are facing a trial or a difficulty, know that God, the All-merciful and All-compassionate, is always here for you. God loves us more than any creature can love us; His love is beyond the love of a mother for her child… He feels and empathizes and recognizes when you are going through pain or suffering. The way His plans work, though, is beyond our understanding sometimes... Many times we are unable to reconcile how His plans work or even how His love works…

I don’t know what your pain is, your trial, challenge or suffering is, but I know it’s hard... I know that sometimes it even feels unbearable and insurmountable. In those moments, it helps to know that you do not have to go through this alone, you are loved, you are guided, you are protected every step along your journey…

Don’t run from the suffering and don’t let it break you spirit, either. Don’t despair nor fall into helplessness and hopelessness… Instead, pray… Pray for strength to persevere through it, learn from it, grow braver and wiser with it and may be one day use the lessons you learned to support and teach others how to out-grow their own.

When did you stop smiling?

When did you stop being enchanted by everyday awe and wonder?

When did you stop loving yourself unconditionally?

When did you stop living?

Life doesn’t always run smoothly. Sometimes you feel like it’s tough to even get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes you feel like hiding in a cupboard or running to a deserted island reasoning that all your problems will just vanish when you come back. But, hibernating or escaping do not make our troubles disappear. They do not mend our broken hearts nor do they fix our severed relationships. They do not restore our self-esteem, nor do they make these dreaded gremlins in our head shut up.

The answer is not in hiding… the answer is in keeping the momentum… the answer is in motion…. Aware, purposeful, intentional motion. Yes, you heard me say that before... And, I'll keep saying it as I am reminding myself before reminding you.

At a point in life we need to slow down or even pause to catch our breath, but if you reach that point, know that the path you were on wasn’t the right path for you, and the way you were moving in life wasn’t purposeful nor aware or intentional. You were running on autopilot, spinning with the wheel of life letting it direct you wherever it pleases. But, no more… Just a little pause… just few breaths are enough to make you realize the truth and choose your direction mindfully, purposefully and intentionally… Just few breaths and you are back in motion… aware, purposeful, intentional motion… A kind of motion that will generate more momentum, more energy, more drive…

“But, I don’t have the energy to keep going,” you might reply… Believe me I know…  I have been there… and the answer is you won’t have the energy if you stay put either… Take one tiny step, just a tiny step and this will start the wheel running…. very slowly, very gently…. But it will start rolling… One tiny step after another and soon you will generate momentum to keep you going…

So, dear friend, wherever you are on your journey, please do not hibernate… Breathe and take one tiny step forward… just a tiny step!